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Jay Shetty Podcast

Alex Cooper ON: Feeling Insecure? This Video Will CHANGE Everything! | Jay Shetty

Today, I talk to Alex Cooper. Alex is the creator, host, and executive producer of the hugely successful podcast and brand Call Her Daddy, which amasses millions of listeners per episode and frequently tops Podcast charts.

Alex CooperguestJay Shettyhost

Oct 3, 20221h 46mWatch on YouTube

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CHAPTERS

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Chapter summaries

Warm Welcome and Alex's Italy Trip
Jay Shetty introduces Alex Cooper and explains the monk-inspired habit of showing genuine awe toward guests. Alex responds with admiration for his show, and the two chat about her Italy vacation and its pasta.
- •Jay says introducing people with genuine awe comes from his monk culture and makes conversations better
- •Alex says she'd rather embrace successes than downplay them or feel jealous of others
- •Jay's producer Helena named Alex as her dream guest
- •Alex's favorite part of Italy was the pasta and the Amalfi Coast
Being Bullied and Escaping Into Content
Asked whether she was always confident, Alex says she was not and describes being severely bullied for her looks as a child. She explains that making content in her basement became her escape, and that soccer made her feel safe too.
- •Alex was bullied for being very thin and for severe acne, and was physically bullied
- •Her dad handed her a camera at age seven, and creating content became her refuge
- •Soccer felt safe because it was all women and based on contribution
- •A New York Times reporter was shocked to learn she'd been bullied, which showed the gap between her persona and her past
- •She believes the awkward girl with acne is who started Call Her Daddy
Shared Pain and the Limits of Snap Judgments
Jay reveals he was also bullied for his weight and ethnicity and turned to music and writing. Alex shares more about hiding her bullying from her mother and her people-pleasing tendencies, and the two discuss how little we know about what others are going through.
- •Jay was bullied for being overweight and Indian, and was beaten up at school
- •Alex told her mom about the bullying at 21 in a cab, including taping leggings to her legs
- •She says her people-pleasing comes from childhood feelings of being left out
- •Alex says that without that pain she wouldn't be empathetic or in this job
- •Jay says successful people often build things to fill a gap, and that a breakup hurts the same regardless of fame
What Younger Alex Would Say Now
Jay asks what the young acne-ridden Alex would say to her now. Alex recalls a former bully hitting on her in college and reflects on turning her passion into her purpose.
- •A boy who had bullied her later paid her attention in college, though she was the same person
- •Alex says she'd tell younger kids to find themselves in their alone moments
- •She says she over-emphasized looks after the bullying
- •She would tell her younger self to keep going down to the basement and lean into her craft
Humiliating Memories and the Strength of Going Inward
Jay shares a painful memory of being mocked at school for liking a girl, and Alex recounts a Catholic school teacher making her scrub off concealer. They conclude that turning inward built a particular self-reliance, which Jay says is as important as asking others for help.
- •Jay was mocked behind the goal by classmates after his crush became public
- •Alex was forced by a teacher to scrub makeup off her acne in front of the class
- •Alex says the pain shaped her values and empathy but she wishes she'd told her parents more
- •Jay says going inward and asking others for help are both important strengths
- •Jay says that solitude, once frightening, has become a strength for him
Being Ambitious and Outspoken as a Woman
Jay notes the shifting identities in both their lives, and asks about the hardest part of Alex's evolution. Alex describes having to tiptoe around confidence as a woman, being labeled the female Joe Rogan, and using her platform to be bold. Jay responds by clapping and explaining his own experience with a powerhouse mother.
- •Jay says he accepts being the same and different person at once, from high school to monk to now
- •Alex says women are told not to be too much, and in meetings she feels a man would be treated differently
- •She objects to being called the female Joe Rogan when no one calls him the male Alex Cooper
- •She says she hopes being bold helps other women advocate for themselves
- •Jay claps and speaks about his mother being the breadwinner and powerhouse in his childhood
Refusing to Be Put in a Box
Jay says people think he can't be both a monk and driven. Alex shares how she hid her love of video production in high school to fit the jock label, and argues that combining different parts of yourself is healthier than staying in one lane.
- •Jay is told that being mindful means he shouldn't have goals, but he says neither side makes him happy without the other
- •Alex hid her passion for video production because she was on the soccer team
- •She says embracing contradictions and different versions of yourself works better for mental health
- •Alex says she changes her mind on her show as things shift
- •Jay says he too feels told to be quiet or calm down
Respect, Pigeonholing, and Evolving Call Her Daddy
Prompted by Jay's question about respect, Alex discusses her bond with the Daddy Gang and the early provocative days of the show. She explains how being pigeonholed as the sex-and-dating girl led her to move into mental health and new topics, and how she approaches guests and her audience.
- •Alex describes her relationship with her listeners as mutual respect and a rapport built on deep topics
- •She wouldn't change the provocative early days but says she doesn't want to be the same person she was at 22
- •The pandemic and her audience's readiness pushed the show toward mental health, a change she says she chose herself
- •She says she picks guests intuitively and from the Daddy Gang's DMs, aiming to make guests feel safe
- •Jay says sex and mental health are interconnected and that dismissing her shift is a shallow thought
Responsibility and Taking Her Education Public
Alex says her platform's reach gives her a sense of responsibility to cover deeper topics without becoming preachy. She shares that she once didn't know how to vote and wants to make topics approachable, while Jay talks about the pressure to pretend to know everything.
- •Alex says having the number one show for women in the world makes her feel responsibility
- •She wants longform conversations to replace snap judgments with a more informed view
- •She admits she had to ask her dad how to vote and for help with TurboTax
- •Jay says people hide what they don't know, citing pressure around investing, crypto and voting
- •Jay says he started his own platform to serve and appreciates people who grow beyond their early fame
Social Media Boundaries and Coping Habits
Alex describes how social media makes people feel behind and how she has stepped back, including quitting reading Reddit and comments. She shares coping tools such as choosing honest friends, remembering she always gets through hard moments, and journaling.
- •Alex describes scrolling TikTok during a sunset and realizing it fuels her anxiety
- •She stopped reading Reddit and online comments after discussing it with her therapist
- •She surrounds herself with longtime friends who aren't yes people and loves getting notes
- •In a crisis she reminds herself that she always gets through it, and she journals during and after
- •Jay says changing thought patterns can transform any experience
Being a Bad Friend and Letting Go of Being Understood
Jay asks about a belief that led her astray, and Alex says it hurts when people assume she's a bad friend. Jay says he stopped valuing being understood, and the two discuss friendship and how few people really know us.
- •Alex says people assuming she's a bad friend hurts because friendship is her proudest value
- •She works in therapy on not trying to prove herself to everyone online
- •Jay says he stopped valuing being understood, and Alex calls it overrated and exhausting
- •Jay cites a study that it takes 200 hours to know someone deeply
- •Alex says to start with one person you can call if your 20s feel lonely
Keeping a Relationship Private
Jay explains why he kept his marriage out of his content for three years, and Alex describes how she pulled back from podcasting about her boyfriend. She sets boundaries on sharing arguments and questions the motives behind posting partners online.
- •Jay's first podcast episode featured his wife, and he's glad he waited to share their relationship
- •Alex had podcasted about her boyfriend before their first date, then pulled back as it became real
- •She says her relationship improved once it wasn't public content
- •She waits a couple of months before discussing an argument on the show
- •Alex asks who a post about a partner is for and whether it seeks validation
What Alex Wants in a Partner and Honest Feedback
Asked what she wants a partner to bring out in her, Alex says she needs someone who isn't intimidated by her success, is honest, and lets her be herself. She warns against projecting needs onto a partner, and the two swap stories about getting feedback on speeches.
- •Alex needs a partner who isn't intimidated by her success, after past relationships where men tried to push her down
- •She values her partner's honesty and no-dance-around communication
- •She says that without working on yourself, you project your wants onto a partner
- •Jay says his wife gives honest feedback he gets defensive about but then follows
- •Alex says she rewrote her boyfriend's wedding speech
The Many Sides of You
Jay leads Alex through a new one-word segment on how others see her. She describes herself as warm, determined, loyal and passionate, and is working on being intentional.
- •First impression: warm and trustworthy
- •Someone who knows her well would say determined, sometimes scary
- •She describes herself as loyal and passionate
- •A critic would call her cocky, and she is working on being intentional
Closing Thoughts and Fast Five
Alex asks listeners to give the new Call Her Daddy a chance and to go for what they want, and Jay praises her for doing the hard thing. In the Fast Five she shares advice she's received, her soccer position, her purpose, and the law she would create.
- •Alex asks anyone with past judgments of her or the show to be open-minded
- •Jay says doing the hard thing means changing rather than feeding what others want
- •Best advice: be yourself, from her mother; worst advice: be quiet
- •She played center midfield, and Jay mentions investing in Angel City FC
- •Her purpose is to empower and unite women and elicit change, and her law would be that abortions are legal

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