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Jay Shetty Podcast

Charli D’Amelio: When I Hit 100M Followers I Was At My Lowest Mentally… @CharlidAmelio

Today, I welcome Charli D’Amelio, the 19-year-old who became a celebrity thanks to her rapid rise on TikTok where she has amassed over 150 million followers, making her the most followed person on the platform.

Charli D’AmelioguestJay Shettyhost

Oct 30, 20231h 32mWatch on YouTube

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CHAPTERS

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Chapter summaries

Sudden fame, private pain, and feeling lost in your own identity
Charli describes how quickly her life changed and how the public version of her didn’t match what she was experiencing emotionally. She reflects on saying hate didn’t bother her while privately struggling, and hints at how filming the family show captured a difficult period.
- •Charli describes the whiplash of going from being unnoticed to being constantly judged
- •She admits she downplayed how much hate comments affected her while feeling devastated privately
- •She connects a difficult family period during filming to feeling uncertain about who she was
- •Jay frames the conversation around the pressures of visibility at a young age
Luck vs. earned skill: humility, self-worth, and recognizing real accomplishments
Jay challenges the idea that Charli’s success was “just luck,” emphasizing years of practice. Charli shares how calling it luck can keep her humble, but also fuels doubts about deserving her platform, and she names moments where she felt she truly earned her achievements.
- •Jay praises Charli’s long-term practice and performance ability beyond TikTok virality
- •Charli says thinking of it as luck keeps her humble but can undermine her self-esteem
- •She describes feeling undeserving because people told her she didn’t deserve it
- •She highlights projects where she felt proud because she had to work hard for them
‘Charli D’Amelio’ vs. ‘Charli’: separating persona from real life as she grows up
Charli explains how she developed a split between her online identity and her private self. She describes performing a more kid-friendly version for certain work, while real-life changes (like getting tattoos and cursing) triggered backlash and helped her realize people often critique a caricature.
- •Charli describes “Charli D’Amelio” as the version others see, versus “Charli” in private
- •She recounts putting on a super happy, younger-audience persona for certain content
- •She describes backlash as she got older and behaved more like her real self
- •She says realizing the disliked version wasn’t really her helped her take criticism less personally
People-pleasing, collab politics, and choosing what actually matters
Charli shares how she used a protective shield and tried to see the best in people, which led to being hurt in social situations and industry dynamics. Over time—through distance, family conversations, and therapy—she focused more on being okay alone, valuing loyal friends, and grounding herself in simpler priorities like time with her dogs.
- •Charli describes early hurt from being included for content but excluded socially
- •She credits therapy and family support with helping her recalibrate boundaries
- •She says she’s learning she doesn’t need everyone to like her and is okay by herself
- •She emphasizes focusing on dogs, real support, and fans who care beyond numbers
Growing up surrounded by adults: losing preferences and rebuilding self-awareness
Jay asks what Charli did that wasn’t really her, and she explains how she let comments and adults dictate how she dressed, spoke, and created. She describes reaching a point where she couldn’t answer basic preference questions, then began rebuilding her identity by trying things and leaving the house more.
- •Charli says she let comments control choices, down to not wearing a hoodie someone disliked
- •She describes trying to fit in with older people and being labeled “mature” while still a kid
- •She admits she couldn’t name what she liked—music, movies, style—and answered “I don’t know”
- •She explains starting recovery by experimenting, going out more, and confronting scary questions
Small joys as self-discovery: cleaning, organizing, control, and music taste
Charli describes finding genuine joy in cleaning and organizing because it’s therapeutic and fully under her control. She connects this to managing obsessive compulsive disorder and discusses making more authentic choices, like listening to music she truly enjoys rather than what’s popular.
- •Charli calls cleaning and organizing therapeutic and productivity-boosting
- •She says shaping her space is one of the few areas she can fully control
- •She connects organizing to clearing her head and managing obsessive compulsive disorder
- •She describes developing a personal music taste and feeling comfortable playing what she likes
Confidence through kinder self-talk—and building a kinder environment with friends
Charli explains that confidence began with giving herself permission to be honest about what she likes and changing the tone of her inner dialogue. She describes small reframes (from criticism to curiosity) and extends the idea into friendships—asking for more encouragement and being the person who actively builds others up.
- •Charli emphasizes positive self-talk and being less self-critical as a starting point
- •She describes reframing small thoughts (like hair or appearance) to reduce spirals
- •She suggests asking friends for a more positive vibe instead of mean joking when needed
- •She encourages being the person who texts praise and pride to people you care about
Family in the spotlight: feeling your place shift, and the strain of filming season three
Charli describes the confusion of family roles as the youngest while everyone is busy and in the public eye. She says season three captured a time when everyone was struggling mentally and professionally, leading to conflict and regret, and she explains how clips and edits can misrepresent what was actually happening.
- •Charli describes struggling to find her place as the youngest while living with her sister
- •She says expectations can feel higher for her even while she wants parental support
- •She shares that season three was hard because everyone was going through a lot and taking it out on each other
- •She describes discomfort with how reality footage and edits can distort the real context
Reality TV and real emotions: forgetting the mic, filming while struggling, and not having “reasons”
Jay asks about separating the real person from the show, and Charli explains that it’s difficult because emotions are genuine even when the plotline isn’t. She describes filming on hard mental health days, having people assign blame, and hoping she could separate it better if there’s another season.
- •Charli says it’s hard to separate ‘character’ from self because emotions are real
- •She describes moments where filming captures comments made casually while mic’d up
- •She explains that sometimes she felt bad without a specific reason but still had to film
- •She hopes future filming would allow better separation, but acknowledges the challenge
Becoming independent too fast: adulthood at 16, missing milestones, and learning by messing up
Charli describes being thrust into adult responsibilities without training, including traveling alone and making business decisions while feeling unprepared. She reflects on missing a more typical path (finishing school, college milestones) and how public scrutiny makes ordinary mistakes feel amplified.
- •Charli says she felt independent but confused, with no rulebook for adulthood
- •She describes relying on her dad for guidance because she didn’t know what decisions meant
- •She reflects on missing normal milestones and how prom helped her reclaim a piece of that
- •She says everyone is learning, but public judgment makes her learning curve harsher
Friends and relationships in the industry: trust, quiet friendships, and handling public pressure
Jay asks about having friends who understand the industry, and Charli describes valuing close, trusted people—mentioning Markell as family and keeping many friendships private. She also talks about navigating a relationship while both are young, busy, and publicly scrutinized, and how communication helps them adapt to changing needs.
- •Charli describes Markell as family and appreciates how he defends and supports her
- •She says she keeps many industry friendships quiet and met some through work events
- •She explains the strain of public speculation about relationships and the reality of “off weeks”
- •She emphasizes communicating needs directly (updates, support) rather than performing online
Ignoring bait: gossip, disrespect, and choosing not to respond
Charli describes seeing a disrespectful public comment from someone she’d met, and explains why she refused to engage even when her boyfriend wanted to defend her. She outlines how responding feeds the story cycle, drains energy, and incentivizes further provocation.
- •Charli says many negative posts are designed to provoke a response
- •She describes resisting the urge to message someone because it would be posted and escalated
- •She frames non-response as protecting her time and refusing to play someone else’s game
- •She acknowledges the difficulty when a partner wants to defend her, but reinforces boundaries
What she’s excited about now: new puppy, dance as therapy, experimenting with style, and using her voice
Charli shares personal excitement—raising a puppy, spending time in her dance space, and trying new outfits—separating joy from career. She then adds a work-related growth area: speaking more online, getting comfortable talking after years of mostly nonverbal content, and reconnecting to why she started social media.
- •Charli describes adopting a puppy with her boyfriend and finding purpose in training and responsibility
- •She says dancing alone can be both therapy and a way to let go
- •She shares she’s experimenting more with personal style and stepping outside her comfort zone
- •She says she’s learning to speak more online after avoiding talking due to backlash
Rumors and the 100 million milestone: lowest mental state, accountability, and surviving the darkest period
During the Final Five, Charli explains that some rumors are laughable because they’re obviously false, but others hurt when they misrepresent her character. She reveals that around hitting 100 million, she was at her lowest mentally and felt extremely dark thoughts, and she credits friends and family for helping her through while criticizing how adults treated her at 16.
- •Charli says the funniest rumors claim she did things at parties she didn’t even attend
- •She says the most painful rumors painted her character as capable of horrible things
- •She shares that hitting 100 million coincided with her lowest mental state and feeling she couldn’t continue
- •She describes a lack of accountability from adults who targeted her and credits her support system for getting her through
Final Five takeaways: boundaries, packing anxiety, and a rule to ‘lead with empathy’
Charli shares a guiding belief that “everything happens for a reason” helps her cope when she feels lost, and calls “say yes to everything” harmful advice that fuels burnout. She mentions wanting to get better at packing due to stress and control needs, and ends with a global rule: lead with empathy because you never know what someone is truly dealing with.
- •Charli says ‘everything happens for a reason’ helps her through moments of uncertainty
- •She rejects ‘say yes to everything’ and emphasizes saying no and protecting mental state
- •She shares travel and packing cause intense stress tied to control and obsessive compulsive tendencies
- •She proposes leading with empathy as a universal rule and notes people react too fast, especially post-COVID

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