Dr Julie Smith ON: Unblocking Negative Emotions & How to Embrace Difficult Feelings

Dr. Julie Smith said many people arrive expecting therapy to be something “done to them,” because they feel at the mercy of their emotions. She emphasized that learning how the mind and body work can be a “game-changer” that helps people feel empowered to influence how they feel.

She said there’s a cultural pull to believe our default should be happiness, and anything else means we’re doing life wrong. She framed fluctuating emotions—including low mood—as a normal part of being human, and suggested responding by noticing the feeling and checking for unmet needs rather than spiraling into self-judgment.

She described “blocking behaviors” (like overeating, binge-watching, drinking, or staying excessively busy) as ways people try to avoid aversive feelings. She warned that blocking “negative” emotions can also blunt joy, pleasure, and love, sometimes leaving people feeling numb and questioning their relationships and interests.

She argued motivation should be treated like any other emotion: it comes and goes, so it can’t be the basis for consistent action. She suggested anchoring behavior in values and goals (like health for your children) and not making choices solely on whether you “feel like it.”

She explained that people often act on urges without noticing the separation between urges and actions, and described mindfulness as a way to widen that gap. She shared a simple “Polo mint” game as practice for experiencing an urge (to crunch) without acting on it, building the skill of “opposite action.”