By playing, you agree to uListen's Terms and Privacy Policy and YouTube's Terms of Service.

Jay Shetty Podcast

Dr Julie Smith ON: Unblocking Negative Emotions & How to Embrace Difficult Feelings

Jay Shetty sits down with Dr. Julie Smith to talk about how we deal with our emotions. As a way to cope with difficult situations, we often attempt to block the negative emotions.

Dr. Julie SmithguestJay Shettyhost

Mar 7, 202253mWatch on YouTube

Summaries, chapters, transcripts, and FAQs on this page are made by uListen, not YouTube.

Great conversations run long. Their best ideas don't have to.

uListen is free on iPhone, iPad, Android, Chrome, and Claude.

CHAPTERS

Jump to publisher timestamps

Chapter summaries

How emotional blocking can lead to numbness and loss of joy
Dr. Julie Smith opens with a clear warning about what can happen when people repeatedly try to shut down uncomfortable feelings. She explains that long-term emotional avoidance can create numbness that also mutes love, joy, and pleasure.
- •Blocking out painful emotions can unintentionally block all emotions
- •People may arrive in therapy feeling numb after years of avoidance
- •Numbness can lead to doubting feelings like love for a partner
- •Avoidance can make life feel less painful short-term but more painful long-term
Why many people feel powerless about their mental state—and what changes that
Jay Shetty introduces Dr. Julie Smith and asks what she sees as the root issue behind many struggles. She describes how many people come to therapy expecting something to be done to them, and how education about the mind can restore a sense of agency.
- •Many clients expect therapy to be a treatment done to them rather than a skill-building process
- •A common theme is feeling at the mercy of emotions
- •Basic education about how the mind and body work can be “life-changing”
- •Learning practical tools can help people feel empowered to influence how they feel
Outsourcing wellbeing: marketing, missing education, and the “fix me” mindset
Jay explores why people want others to solve their wellbeing for them. Dr. Julie points to a cultural and marketing-driven tendency to buy solutions, combined with a lack of mental health education that would otherwise help people help themselves.
- •Not knowing what helps leads people to seek external fixes
- •Marketing can reinforce the idea that something is wrong and a product can fix it
- •Mental health education is often far less available than physical health education
- •Some people mainly need information and tools rather than long-term therapy
Low mood as a normal human fluctuation—and responding with curiosity, not judgment
They discuss low mood and unmotivated days. Dr. Julie emphasizes that emotional fluctuation is normal and becomes worse when people add self-judgment and comparisons instead of acknowledging feelings and identifying unmet needs.
- •Happiness is not a constant default state; moods naturally fluctuate
- •Low mood can be influenced by sleep, hydration, grief, and many other factors
- •Self-criticism and comparison can deepen a downward spiral
- •A helpful response is acknowledging the mood and checking for unmet needs
Avoiding feelings: “blocking behaviors” and the cost of emotional shutdown
Jay asks what happens when people try to avoid emotion. Dr. Julie describes common “blocking behaviors” like overeating, binge-watching, drinking, or staying overly busy, and explains how emotional suppression can reduce access to positive emotions too.
- •Blocking behaviors can look normal and socially acceptable while functioning as avoidance
- •Examples include food, Netflix, alcohol, and constant work busyness
- •Suppressing emotions can lead to emotional numbness
- •Numbness can reduce capacity for joy, pleasure, and love
Changing your relationship with emotion: letting feelings come and go
Dr. Julie reframes emotions as a normal part of functioning rather than something irrational to eliminate. She describes therapy as helping people allow unpleasant emotions to be present and pass, including through mindfulness-based approaches.
- •Emotions are often treated as something to avoid rather than a core part of being human
- •Trying to be “logical” by avoiding emotion can strip life of meaning and enjoyment
- •Therapy often focuses on allowing emotional experiences to come and go
- •Mindfulness can support staying present with difficult feelings without pushing them away
Motivation isn’t reliable: acting from values when you don’t feel like it
They tackle the common question of how to act without motivation. Dr. Julie explains motivation as a fluctuating feeling, and suggests anchoring behavior to values and reasons rather than waiting to “feel like it.”
- •Motivation is a feeling that comes and goes like other emotions
- •Relying on motivation can derail consistency toward goals
- •Acting from values clarifies why an action matters (health, family, meaning)
- •Some routines become “non-negotiable” when tied to identity and values
Opposite action and the urge–action gap: practicing choice with mindfulness
Dr. Julie introduces the DBT skill of “opposite action” and explains how mindfulness helps separate urges from actions. She shares the Polo mint example as a playful way to practice resisting an urge and building the capacity to choose a different response.
- •DBT teaches “opposite action” for overwhelming emotions and risky responses
- •Mindfulness can widen the gap between urge and action
- •People often experience thoughts, emotions, physical state, and urges as one bundle
- •Practicing with small exercises can build skill for harder moments (like getting out of bed)
Using what already works: noticing successful moments and practicing with manageable tasks
Jay and Dr. Julie discuss building the skill outside high-pressure moments and recognizing times it’s already happening. Dr. Julie gives parenting-related examples of acting despite strong urges and highlights the importance of starting with manageable practice.
- •Practicing the skill in easier contexts helps build repetition and confidence
- •People often already use the skill without recognizing it
- •Values can override powerful urges (example: responding to a crying baby when exhausted)
- •Starting small helps prevent discouragement and the belief that the method “doesn’t work”
Clarifying thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, urges, and actions
Jay asks for a breakdown of thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Dr. Julie describes thoughts as internal narrative or images, emotions as felt experiences, and also separates physical sensations and behavior, distinguishing urges from actions.
- •Thoughts are the inner narrative, words, or images in the mind
- •Emotions are felt sensations/experiences
- •Physical state can be tracked separately by noticing where sensations show up in the body
- •Behavior can be split into urges versus actions to expand choice
Stress vs anxiety and why labeling feelings helps you cope
Dr. Julie explains that stress and anxiety share the same underlying threat response, differing in how we interpret the situation. She also highlights research suggesting that having more nuanced emotion labels helps people manage experiences more effectively.
- •Stress and anxiety can reflect the same physical threat response
- •Stress may relate to time pressure and reprioritizing; anxiety may involve perceived psychological or physical threat
- •Emotion vocabulary (labeling) can improve how people handle feelings
- •Labels don’t need to be perfect to be useful; they help the brain recognize and anticipate patterns
Supporting someone in grief: presence, openness, and letting go of “fixing”
Jay asks what to say to someone who has lost a loved one. Dr. Julie encourages honesty about not knowing the perfect words, asking open questions, and focusing on care and presence rather than trying to change the person’s feelings.
- •Fear of saying the wrong thing can lead people to say nothing
- •It’s okay to express shock, sadness, and uncertainty about what to say
- •Open questions (like “How are you doing?”) invite real conversation
- •Support isn’t about removing grief; it’s about showing care and walking alongside them
Stop waiting for a relationship to fix you: responsibility, self-relationship, and repeating cycles
They shift to love and relationships, including the belief that a partner will make someone whole. Dr. Julie emphasizes taking responsibility for one’s happiness and explores how early relationship patterns can replay in adulthood, creating cycles like people-pleasing.
- •Happiness and healing shouldn’t be placed solely in a partner’s hands
- •Therapy can focus on building a meaningful life aligned with personal values now
- •Examining how someone treats themselves can reveal why they feel unloved
- •Early relational patterns can repeat in adult relationships (example: people-pleasing from inconsistent love)
Daily self-awareness in a fast world: journaling as reflection and cycle-mapping
Asked about the future of wellbeing in a fast-paced tech world, Dr. Julie advocates for self-awareness practices—especially journaling. She describes writing as a way to step back, reflect, map cycles, and create the distance needed to make conscious choices.
- •Self-awareness is positioned as a key sustainable practice
- •Journaling helps people stop and reflect amid constant distraction
- •Writing can help make sense of emotions and troubling situations
- •Mapping patterns on paper can create separation and clarity to change cycles
Book wrap-up and “Fast Five”: anxiety, purpose, and journaling as a global habit
Jay wraps up with book highlights and moves into the show’s rapid-fire questions. Dr. Julie shares concise answers about advice, purpose, shifting values, and names journaling as the one daily habit she’d want everyone to do.
- •Best advice: enjoy yourself alongside anxiety
- •Worst advice: being told to “calm down”
- •Purpose described as touching people’s lives positively using her skills
- •Chosen universal daily habit: journaling

Publisher timestamps

Get more out of YouTube videos.

Read along on your phone, search it beside the video, or ask your favorite AI app what was said.