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"If He DOES THIS, He's Cheating On You!" - #1 Subtle Thing That Makes Men Lose Interest | Sadia Khan

Does anything in your life feel a little “off” right now? Do you feel like you're settling for less than you deserve? Today, Jay sits down with Sadia Khan, psychotherapist and relationship expert, for a deep and unfiltered conversation on love, commitment, and emotional healing in the modern age. Known for her bold and counterintuitive insights, Sadia brings clarity to the often murky waters of dating, self-worth, and relationship dynamics. Sadia shares her powerful perspective on the importance of being able to walk away from disrespect, and how this one shift can transform who you attract and how you're treated. She challenges conventional dating advice by focusing not on what you attract—but what you entertain—highlighting the role of self-esteem in relationship choices. She explains why emotional unavailability feels attractive, how ghosting reflects poor communication habits, and why your dating app rejection might not be what you think it is. Jay and Sadia dive into the core issues many of her clients face, including infidelity, fear of commitment, and men struggling with masculinity. She unpacks how a lack of male role models, the ability to set boundaries, and people-pleasing behaviors can derail modern masculinity—and how both men and women can break these cycles to build healthier love. Sadia introduces the "Three A’s" women need to fall in love—Attraction, Admiration, and Adoration—and the "Three L’s" men need—Lust, Labor, and Loyalty—exploring how balance in these elements creates deep, lasting connection. She also breaks down why women might cheat on “nice” men and how misunderstanding emotional needs can lead to betrayal. In this episode, you’ll learn: How to Attract and Maintain Healthy Relationships. Why Self-Worth is the Foundation of Love. How to Avoid the Trap of Emotional Immaturity. What Makes Men and Women Truly Commit. The Real Reasons Behind Infidelity. How to Build Masculine Strength in a Healthy Way. Why Peace is Better than Constant Pleasure in Love. This conversation is a masterclass in emotional intelligence and healing. If you're navigating heartbreak, struggling with self-worth, or seeking a deep, lasting relationship—this episode is for you. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 01:17 How to Stop Fearing Conflict and Start Choosing Yourself 02:24 Why We Fall for the Emotionally Unavailable 05:31 The Hidden Dangers of Dating Apps 07:01 Is Wanting Similarity the Same as Settling? 08:40 How to Stop Getting Ghosted in Modern Dating 09:31 The Early Signs of a Healthy Relationship 11:19 The Two Most Common Relationship Struggles: Infidelity and Commitment 12:19 What Happens When Men Lack Masculinity 15:25 Why Men Need Stronger Role Models 18:21 The Unspoken Contract Behind People-Pleasing 19:25 How to Show Love Without Seeking Approval 21:12 The Real Reason Women Cheat on Good Men 24:55 How to Teach Others How to Treat You 26:14 The Three A’s Every Woman Needs to Fall in Love 32:45 The Three L’s Every Man Needs to Stay in Love 36:10 How to Avoid Being Just a Temporary Fling 37:49 Why the Person You Date Isn’t Always the One You Marry 40:42 Sexual Discipline: Why It’s Essential for Self-Respect 42:29 What True Psychological Intimacy Really Looks Like 45:15 Lowering Your Standards May Cost You More Than You Think 46:10 Is Getting Cheated On Ever Partly Your Fault? 48:59 How to Recognize When You’re Being Disrespected 50:13 Are You Loyal to the Marriage or Just the Person? 52:45 The Most Honest Marriage Vow No One Talks About 56:50 Why Some Men Keep Choosing the Wrong Women 59:40 How to Know If You’re Afraid of Commitment 01:04:23 Can a Broken Relationship Be Fixed? 01:06:59 Why Knowing Your Deal Breakers Is Crucial 01:09:03 The Worst Thing to Say to Someone After a Breakup 01:09:56 Why So Many People Stay Stuck in Heartbreak 01:11:43 How to Find Closure Without an Apology 01:15:59 Not Everything You Want Is Good for You 01:66:54 Sadia on Final Five Episode Resources: https://www.sadiapsychology.com/ https://www.instagram.com/thesadiapsychology https://www.tiktok.com/@sadiapsychology https://www.youtube.com/@sadiapsychology https://www.instagram.com/jayshetty https://www.facebook.com/jayshetty/ https://x.com/jayshetty https://www.linkedin.com/in/shettyjay/ https://www.youtube.com/@JayShettyPodcast http://jayshetty.me

Sadia KhanguestJay Shettyhost
May 25, 20251h 20mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Self-esteem, boundaries, and needs: modern dating, commitment, infidelity decoded today

  1. Raising self-esteem changes what you tolerate, making disrespect and emotional unavailability instantly less attractive.
  2. Modern dating problems like ghosting and app fatigue often come from low investment, disposable mindsets, and poor communication—so expectations and screening matter.
  3. Khan argues boundaries and a real willingness to walk away are central to preventing ongoing disrespect and reducing infidelity risk.
  4. They present two relationship frameworks—Women’s “3 A’s” (Attraction, Admiration, Adoration) and Men’s “3 L’s” (Lust, Labor, Loyalty)—as lenses for diagnosing why interest fades.
  5. Commitment issues and resentment are often worsened by pushing partners into ultimatums, while long-term stability is strengthened by self-control, psychological intimacy, and “peace over pleasure.”

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

You don’t attract the wrong people; you entertain them.

Khan reframes repeated patterns as a tolerance problem driven by low self-esteem and normalized neglect (e.g., late-night texts, inconsistent communication). The practical lever is reducing attraction to anxiety-inducing behavior and prioritizing partners who enable your stated life goals.

Ghosting is usually a communication deficit, not your verdict as a person.

In low-investment digital dating, people ghost because they found alternatives, were coping with heartbreak, or are hiding information—but the common denominator is poor communication. Treat ghosting as data: screen out people who can’t communicate rather than chasing closure.

Similarity isn’t settling—if it feels like settling, your standards may be miscalibrated.

She critiques “algorithm standards” (TikTok/high-value narratives) that inflate expectations while ignoring comparability in values, maturity, and lifestyle. A useful check is whether you’re asking someone to “fill the gaps” in your self-worth rather than seeking true compatibility.

Boundaries work only when they’re backed by consequences.

“Teach people how to treat you” by removing access/perks when disrespect persists; repeated forgiveness of early ‘footsteps’ (still on Tinder, ongoing flirty messages) trains the wrong partner that you’ll tolerate escalation. The core skill is the capacity to walk away without theatrics or empty threats.

A partner’s past patterns are often the best early predictor of your future.

Khan emphasizes looking at relationship history (commitment length, repeated infidelity, inability to sustain beyond a few months) to anticipate what they’re practiced at. The caution is that some people also “love-bomb” because they’re in relationship habits, not because you’re uniquely compatible.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

The moment you heal your self-esteem, you'll have a natural distaste towards things that are bad for you, people who don't love you, people who don't treat you right. How you know your self-esteem is improving is that the moment those people start treating you badly, you lose attraction to them.

— Sadia Khan

It's not what we attract, it's what we entertain.

— Sadia Khan

But there's an unconscious contract that the more I help you, the more you will love me in return.

— Sadia Khan

He will only start to respect himself when he can control himself, and, and then only when he can control himself, he can then excel. And if you pick a man who can't control himself, you'll spend the rest of your life trying to control him, and it will bring out the worst side of you. You'll become a mother to a child you'd never wanted to adopt.

— Sadia Khan

Have a willingness to walk away when she's being disrespected. That's all it really takes.

— Sadia Khan

Self-esteem and tolerance for disrespectEntertaining vs attracting emotionally unavailable partnersDating apps, comparison culture, and “inflated standards”Ghosting as poor communication and hidden informationHealthy early relationship signals and past-pattern screeningMasculinity, boundaries, and role-model deficitsInfidelity, intimacy needs, and willingness to walk away

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