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Jay Shetty Podcast

Jay & His Wife Radhi ON: The BIGGEST LIE About Love & 3 Things To Look For In A Partner

You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour.

Jay ShettyhostRadhi Devlukia-Shettyguest

Feb 13, 20231h 7mWatch on YouTube

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CHAPTERS

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Chapter summaries

Welcome Back Radhi: Two Years Between Episodes
Jay introduces his wife Radhi as a long-awaited guest, and the two joke about how long it took to get her back on the show. They also tease each other about the book 8 RULES OF LOVE and the place where they are recording.
- •Radhi's first appearance in two years, described as an annual check-in
- •Banter about a jingle for 8 RULES OF LOVE
- •Radhi hasn't read Jay's books yet but has started listening to the podcast
- •They record at The Grove Hotel, a place meaningful from their early dating days
- •Questions are written by Jay's team and unseen beforehand
What We First Loved and Love Now About Each Other
Radhi and Jay answer what they loved most about each other at the start and now. Radhi praises Jay's consistency and integrity; Jay praises Radhi's humor, non-judgment, positivity and growth in confidence.
- •Radhi values Jay's integrity between what he says and does, on and off camera
- •Jay loves that he can be himself around Radhi without feeling judged
- •Radhi gives people permission to be who they are and avoids gossip and comparison
- •Jay admires Radhi's growth since she was scared to move to New York
Surviving Big Life Changes Together
Jay and Radhi reflect on seven years of moving countries, states and homes. Jay credits Radhi's lack of co-dependence and steady support, while Radhi explains how constant change has helped her feel freedom instead of fear.
- •Moving countries, jobs and homes are major stressors, and they did three of the four stressors Jay lists
- •Radhi never made Jay feel guilty for being away or busy
- •Radhi stayed the same when they were nearly broke and now that things are better
- •Radhi has learned to live without expectations of the next year
- •Jay handles Radhi's swings between excitement and wanting to retreat to a forest
Parent, Child, or Partner Dynamics
Using the relationship roles from Jay's book, they discuss where each plays parent, child or partner. Jay says loving someone means helping them fall more in love with themselves rather than fixing them, and Radhi reflects on how fixing others can be selfish.
- •Radhi acts as the parent around Jay's sugar habit; Jay is the child with food
- •Jay acts as the parent during Radhi's regular crises, though more as guidance than telling her what to do
- •They say they mostly end up as partners supporting each other
- •Constantly fixing someone keeps them feeling broken and dependent
- •Radhi says fixing others can feed your own sense of importance and distract you from your own issues
What Annoys Us and Sharing Our Relationship Publicly
Radhi says Jay rarely annoys her, except by trying to resolve fights within seconds when she wants to argue. The conversation moves to how much of their relationship Jay shares, Radhi's discomfort with perceived perfection, and their different fight styles.
- •Radhi has a shorter fuse and wants a fight while Jay tries to resolve things quickly
- •Radhi sometimes finds out about things on the podcast or in the book, but understands Jay's open nature and intentions
- •Jay shares struggles to show there is no perfect partnership
- •Radhi feels suffocated by perceptions of perfection and chooses what energy to share
- •Jay describes venting, hiding and exploding fight styles and how misreading them made him think Radhi cared less
There Is No Perfect Partner and Why Jay Wrote About Love
Jay says there is no perfect person or partner, only navigating imperfections, and that he wrote the book out of fascination, not expertise. Radhi explains why she thinks he is well-placed to write it, given the depth of his relationships and the value of investing time in connections.
- •Radhi's own idea of perfection has shifted toward what would make her happiest, leaning into her spiritual journey
- •Jay's book contains no perfect love story, even the proposal is told as a mistake
- •Radhi says the frameworks apply to every relationship she has
- •Radhi sees Jay's authentic, consistent relationships as his qualification
- •Deep relationships take time and energy, and she would feel sad to miss real connection
Your Partner Is Your Guru
Jay explains his book chapter on the partner as guru, drawn from Eastern traditions where a guru believes in your potential. He shares how Radhi has been his guru by loving him for who he is rather than for achievements and by honestly critiquing his work, and Radhi reflects on celebrating the effort behind someone's success.
- •Relationships that last are about growth and education more than entertainment
- •A guru makes you feel believed in rather than inferior
- •Radhi didn't love Jay more as his success grew, which kept him from basing self-worth on achievement
- •Radhi gives honest critique because she cares, and Jay accepts it from her when he wouldn't from others
- •Radhi says celebrating the work behind success is a way of saying 'I see you'
Quality Time and Rethinking Romance
Asked what they prioritized in past relationships but not now, Radhi points to the quantity of time over quality. Jay describes how he used to see romance as a typical date night and how activities like Go Ape, escape rooms and wakeboarding build more connection than passive ones.
- •Radhi used to equate more time with more love, but now values quality and presence
- •Radhi says she is still working on being present
- •Jay used to see romance as dinner, candlelight and movies
- •Active, new experiences create chemistry and curiosity
- •Jay suggests doing something different at least once a week, and Radhi gets to know friends through activities other than watching a movie
Top Three Things We Looked For in a Partner
Looking back ten years, Radhi recalls wanting someone to grow spiritually with and to laugh with, and Jay says spirituality was his top priority too. Jay argues that lists can limit who you meet, and both say relationships are about discovering a person and how they make you feel.
- •Radhi's top wishes were a spiritual partner and someone to laugh with
- •Jay says he never had a list and that lists can minimize who you meet
- •Someone can be perfect on paper like a sports team, yet not work in real life
- •You can't know what someone will be like in ten years, so curiosity and openness matter
- •Radhi says friends can dismiss good connections because they don't tick criteria like height
Showing Up When You're Both Busy and Apart
Jay admits that their busy lives and time apart caught them off guard. He shares the lessons he learned: check in daily, have a quality day together for every day apart, go deeper in less time when reconnecting, and take regular check-ins.
- •They spent months apart in recent years because of work, visa issues and family health matters
- •Jay learned the importance of daily check-ins
- •He believes each day apart should be matched by a quality day together
- •Relationships need watering like a plant and can't be neglected then expected to bloom
- •They used to take three phone-free days away every 30 days
- •Jay shares four questions for daily, weekly, quarterly and yearly check-ins
Goals for the Year and Closing Thoughts
Jay and Radhi share their couple goals for early 2023: Jay wants to travel and spend deeper quality time together, while Radhi wants to learn to plan and schedule time for it. They close with appreciation for each other and thanks to listeners.
- •Jay describes three relationships: your purpose, your partner's purpose and a shared purpose
- •Jay wants more travel and weekend breaks together
- •Radhi wants to get better at planning experiences and moments
- •Jay says he is proud of the projects Radhi has been working on
- •Both express gratitude and say they've learned from each other

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