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Jay Shetty Podcast

LILI REINHART ON: YOU ARE STRONG - Anyone Who Feels Stressed & Anxious, WATCH THIS! | Jay Shetty

Jay Shetty sits down with Lili Reinhart to discuss how allowing yourself to feel your emotions can become liberating.

Lili ReinhartguestJay Shettyhost

Aug 15, 20221h 21mWatch on YouTube

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CHAPTERS

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Chapter summaries

Junk Food Confessions and Imperfect Wellness
Jay welcomes Lili and the two bond over fast food and sweets. Lili admits to a McDonald's stop on the way in, and Jay says people wrongly assume wellness advocates live perfectly.
- •Lili loves Taco Bell and grew up on fast food
- •She had McDonald's on the way to the podcast
- •Her sweets of choice include Milk Duds, Sour Patch Kids and ice cream
- •Jay notes people assume health-focused people live perfect lives
Panic Attacks at Early Jobs
Jay asks about Lili's early jobs. She describes quitting a hostess job and a bakery job after panic attacks, and explains the anxiety of needing money to pursue acting. She also describes leaning on her mom during panic attacks.
- •She worked as a hostess for three hours and at a bakery for one shift before quitting
- •Pier 1 Imports was the one job she could tolerate, partly because she worked around older women
- •Her anxiety came from doing work she didn't want out of need for money
- •She texts her mom whenever she has a panic attack
Jay's Corporate Job Story and the Shame of Quitting
Jay shares how he struggled with anxiety at a consulting job after leaving the monastery and was walked out of the office. Lili describes the shame she felt toward her family over being unable to hold down a job.
- •Jay lasted two weeks at the consulting firm and his manager's response worsened his anxiety
- •He was removed from the client and made to feel fired
- •Lili's bakery boss mainly cared about getting the apron back
- •Lili felt pathetic comparing herself to her hardworking sister
Drive to Act and Returning to LA
Jay asks how Lili found the courage to try again after such dark moments. She says her ambition to be an actress carried her, and describes moving home for six months before returning to LA.
- •Her drive to be an actress was the core of who she is
- •She never had a plan B
- •She Skyped her mom hyperventilating in a paper bag and moved home after five months in LA
- •She saved about $1,700 in six months before moving back
Childhood Anxiety and Being Misunderstood
Lili describes herself as a performer kid whose anxiety became severe around age 11 with no obvious cause. She and Jay discuss how invisible mental health struggles are and how parents may take it personally.
- •Lili was a stereotypical performer kid, middle of three sisters
- •Her anxiety got bad at 11 and her parents couldn't see where it came from
- •She remembers crying before school and constantly counting down hours
- •Jay says mental health is invisible and parents may ask what they did wrong
Crying Is Healthy: Feel Your Feelings
Lili recalls hiding tears in therapy and wishes she'd been told crying is okay. She and Jay criticize the message "don't cry," and Lili describes her spiritual awakening and the importance of sitting with feelings.
- •As a child she blamed tears on allergies in therapy
- •Lili calls crying the most healthy expression of feeling
- •Jay compares telling someone not to cry to telling them not to laugh, and notes boys are taught not to cry
- •Lili says healing means letting feelings flow through you without judgment
Experiencing Every Emotion as a Celestial Being
Lili shares her perspective of being an energy that chose to come to Earth to feel every emotion. Jay says loss means you've loved, and shares how his mentor with brain cancer was left with gratitude.
- •Lili imagines choosing to experience all human emotions on Earth
- •She uses this view to ground herself in painful feelings
- •Jay says loss shows you've experienced love
- •Jay's mentor with brain cancer kept thanking people for their service
Grieving People Who Come and Go
Lili says no one talks about how often people leave your life while still alive, and Jay frames it as the seasons of life. Lili says she feels ill-equipped and dislikes generic advice like going on a hike or picking up a hobby.
- •Loss of living people is grief without death
- •Society treats longevity as the measure of love and success
- •Jay compares relationship seasons to weather seasons
- •Lili is frustrated by generic advice such as hikes and new hobbies
Fight or Flight, Workaholism and Fear of Stillness
Lili explains that she made acting her identity as a survival mechanism and has lived in fight or flight. With no work this summer, she is struggling with stillness and fills her calendar to avoid being alone.
- •Acting became her identity as a coping mechanism
- •Chronic fight or flight could be catastrophic for her brain and body
- •She wakes with anxiety when she has nothing to do
- •She fears loneliness will trigger existential spirals
- •Jay says naming this need is already progress
Who Are You Beyond Your Roles? Creating Identity
Lili says she's taking it day by day and finds relief just talking about not knowing who she is. Jay shares how he rebuilt his identity after leaving monkhood by examining inherited values and says to create yourself rather than find yourself.
- •Lili tends to be all-or-nothing and wants immediate fixes
- •Most people know themselves only in relation to roles
- •Jay says letting go of an identity feels like panic because it's a source of safety
- •He listed his values, traced their origins and chose new ones to practice
- •Lili sees her pessimism as protection and realizes she can choose differently
Patterns, Food and Changing Habits
Jay and Lili tie identity to habits, including food. Jay describes how his nutritionist wife helped him quit refined sugar. They agree that changing patterns takes discipline and that we create ourselves like we created our work.
- •We are living patterns we absorbed rather than chose
- •Jay's wife helped him cut refined sugar, processed foods and bad oils
- •Jay grew up eating four chocolate products a day
- •Lili has created a career, book and shows, so she can create herself
Spirituality, Reiki and Exploring What Works
Lili explains how lockdown pushed her toward spiritual healing, including Reiki, sound healing in Mount Shasta, meditation and a psychic mentorship. Jay encourages open-minded exploration and shares how temples in India felt healing and how his monk decision drew judgment.
- •Lili grew up Christian and now calls herself spiritual
- •She is becoming a Reiki master and tried TM, which didn't stick
- •She found a sound healer at Mount Shasta and a psychic mentor through TikTok
- •Jay says it's fine to try practices that harm no one without worrying about opinions
- •Jay describes ancient South Indian temples as deeply healing
Look Both Ways: Two Parallel Lives
Lili discusses playing one woman in two parallel realities in her new film. She likes that the character is okay in both lives, and Jay adds that people can live many lives within one.
- •It's the same woman experiencing two different paths
- •The character is okay in both lives, with no right or wrong path
- •Lili likes to see the universe as having her back
- •Jay says we feel forced to live one life and one truth
Chronic Fatigue, Gut Health and Daily Practice
Jay asks about living with chronic fatigue amid long acting days. Lili says she runs on joy for her work and is now taking gut health seriously. She says her fatigue is slowly improving and she tries to avoid judging herself for emotional eating.
- •Lili needs about eight hours of sleep to function
- •She says she treated her body like a junkyard and is reading ingredients and choosing less convenient options
- •Her chronic fatigue has slowly started to improve
- •She sometimes turns to food for comfort without judging herself
Purpose, Lasting Growth and Final Five
Lili describes her purpose as finding true happiness and peace with herself, and likes that growth never ends. After a reflection on creating rather than finding oneself, they do the Final Five, where Lili says the law she'd create is that no one may tell another person what they can feel.
- •Lili's lifelong wish has been to be happy
- •Spiritual growth is lifelong and she finds that exciting
- •Jay says pressure comes from trying to finish or forget
- •Her best advice was her dad's: find a job that makes you happy
- •Her worst advice was "don't cry"

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