By playing, you agree to uListen's Terms and Privacy Policy and YouTube's Terms of Service.

Jay Shetty Podcast

Reneé Rapp OPENS Up On Traumatic Past: "I Was Missing For Seven Hours"

Today, actress and singer Reneé Rapp, sits down with me to share her incredible journey.

Reneé RappguestJay Shettyhost

Sep 4, 20231h 6mWatch on YouTube

Summaries, chapters, transcripts, and FAQs on this page are made by uListen, not YouTube.

Great conversations run long. Their best ideas don't have to.

uListen is free on iPhone, iPad, Android, Chrome, and Claude.

CHAPTERS

Jump to publisher timestamps

Chapter summaries

Feeling Scared by Greater Visibility
Jay Shetty asks how Reneé feels about where she has landed. She says each new level of visibility knocks her, and she is becoming much more aware of how people perceive her, including online commentary like being called an industry plant.
- •Each new level of career change feels scary and knocks her
- •She is more aware of how she is perceived and struggles to let it go
- •She realized she chose a very visible life
- •She jokes about being called an industry plant, noting her father went into medical sales
The Stalker Incident and Living in Fight or Flight
Jay brings up the video of a stalker approaching Reneé and Drew on stage. She says it genuinely scared her and that she lives in fight or flight because of her anxiety. Jay shares a study about preferring certainty over a 50/50 chance of something bad.
- •She had never experienced anything like it before
- •She lives in fight or flight by nature of her anxiety
- •Jay cites a study that people would rather know a bad thing will happen than face uncertainty
- •She is glad it didn't go further
Preparing for Disappointment Instead of Celebrating
Reneé explains that she decides things will go badly before they happen so she can be less disappointed. She is afraid to celebrate and get slapped in the face, and says her anxieties are the same as when she started but she is now more aware of perception.
- •She assumes the worst in advance to soften disappointment
- •She is afraid to celebrate herself and then be slapped in the face
- •Her anxieties haven't changed, but her awareness of perception has
- •Early on she was so hungry for music that she just ran for it
The Inner Critic: "I Will Never Write a Good Song Again"
Reneé describes being hypercritical when writing and how a bad song sends her to the thought that she'll never write a good one again. She says resilience, wanting it badly, and fear of failure keep her going, and she traces the inner voices to childhood goals.
- •A bad song triggers the thought that she'll never write another good one
- •She believes people working with her are making a mistake
- •Resilience, drive and fear of failure get her out of it
- •The voices are versions of herself, from childhood goals like being Beyoncé by 18
"If You Ain't First, You're Last": Unable to Enjoy Success
Reneé says her debut album reached the top 10 and she could only think she could have done better. Jay says many people think this way. She traces it to parents asking what she could have done better, and Jay suggests first asking what you did great.
- •She cried over a top 10 debut because she thought she could have done better
- •She wouldn't hold anyone else to her own standard
- •Her parents' first comment after any performance was what she could have done better
- •Jay suggests pairing "what did you do great?" with "what could you do better?"
- •Early in therapy she couldn't name anything she was proud of; now she says she loves the people in her life
Stepping Away From Acting and Pivoting Toward Music
Jay asks why she is leaving Sex Lives of College Girls. Reneé says she can't say much because of the SAG strike, but that acting always scared her and became a conduit for the music attention she wanted. Jay frames the pivot as a life lesson, and she says it gave her opportunities and her best friend.
- •She had no confidence in acting and expected to be fired
- •Acting gave her a path to the music attention she wanted
- •She has developed a love for acting later
- •Jay says a pivot through something uncomfortable can still serve your real goal
- •She met her best friend on a TV show
Songwriting, Insecurity, and the Meaning of Winter
Reneé says her songs are built on exactly how she feels, yet she still judges them harshly. Jay breaks down lyrics from Snow Angel, and she describes winter as resilience, recalling being mocked online for singing videos in high school and continuing anyway. She says she feels worthy when people around her are proud.
- •She over-communicates in songs but remains insecure about how they are received
- •Winter in the song represents resilience
- •She kept posting singing videos despite mean comments in high school
- •She feels worthy when the people around her are happy and proud of her
- •Jay notes the people in her life choose her because they see her as worthy
The Story Behind Snow Angel
Reneé explains where her resilience comes from and tells the story behind Snow Angel: after a breakup and falling in with a new party group, she woke up alone in a hotel bathroom stall, drugged and missing for about seven hours, with no memory of what happened. She describes how she and Alexander later wrote the song and why the whole year took resilience.
- •Her resilience comes from what she goes through and how she speaks to herself
- •She woke alone at 5am with blood on her pants after being missing for seven hours
- •She cut off the group and told her family and friends
- •She felt nothing while writing the song until it was recorded
- •She still doesn't know how she feels, only that she feels weird and very resilient
Red Flags, Friendships, and Moving On Too Fast
Jay asks why she trusted the group. Reneé says she wanted fun and an escape from people who knew her, and that the group shrugged off losing her. She says she brushed it off, went to Coachella, and didn't want to know what happened, and that she now trusts people fast but is good at letting go.
- •She wanted to party with people who knew nothing about her life after a breakup
- •The friends treated losing her as no big deal
- •She trusts quickly, and when she stops, she's done
- •She moved on fast and didn't want to admit something bad happened
- •She says she wants people's approval less now
Sharing the Song With the World
Reneé describes how it felt to release Snow Angel. She wanted the song to live on its own without pity, while also wanting to talk about it as a form of revenge. She shares how listeners interpret it and the quiet understanding with a few people who connected through their own experiences.
- •She wanted the song to exist without her experience attached
- •She felt torn between privacy and wanting revenge through talking about it
- •Listeners brought their own interpretations
- •A few people with drug or alcohol-related experiences connected silently with her
What Brings Joy: People, Songwriting, and Her Little Brother
Asked what connects her to herself, Reneé names relating to people, writing songs, and watching her younger brother grow up. Jay talks about his younger sister and how he intentionally gave her space to build her own tools. Reneé says she wants her brother to stop beating himself up.
- •Relating to people and feeling understood is her favorite thing
- •Writing songs is her greatest weapon
- •She loves watching her brother grow up
- •Jay describes giving his sister space to develop her own skills
- •Her self-criticism intensified when she started music and got signed in 2022
A Message to 10-Year-Old Reneé
Jay asks what she would tell her 10-year-old self. Reneé says she is choosing not to regret the past and is proud of the fearless, rambunctious kid she was, who held concerts and demanded attention.
- •She used to live with a cloud of guilt and regret
- •She now chooses not to regret, while still holding herself accountable
- •She is proud of her fearless 10-year-old self
- •Her advice: do everything as you feel and listen to yourself when you mess up
What She Wants to Unlearn and Learn
Reneé says she wants to stop centering herself when friends share hurts, and to build internal patience while being quicker to cut off people who harm her. She links the second to the group of friends, saying she should have left sooner.
- •She spirals into remembering times she hurt others when a friend shares pain
- •She wants to be fully present for friends
- •She needs more internal patience
- •She wants to give people who hurt her less slack
Living in the Gray: Eating Disorder and Sexuality
Jay asks how she navigates gray areas. Reneé says an eating disorder is something you must face daily because you have to eat, and that her sexuality has become less gray, which she treats as a "little pink area." Jay adds that we are hardwired to look for one right answer.
- •Eating disorder recovery is a constant daily gray area because food is unavoidable
- •Her sexuality has become less gray over six or seven months
- •She views label uncertainty as a good "little pink area"
- •Jay says we are conditioned to seek one right answer
Fast Five
Jay closes with rapid questions. Reneé names integrity as the best advice and "stop trying to care" as the worst, and says she is trying to love her mistakes and her body. She values letting emotions be big over keeping it cool, and her law would be for everyone to be less hateful.
- •Best advice: integrity over everything
- •Worst advice: just stop trying to care
- •She is working to make peace with her mistakes and her body
- •She values being true to emotions and says the company you keep matters
- •Her law: people being less hateful, drawn from growing up in the South

Publisher timestamps

Get more out of YouTube videos.

Read along on your phone, search it beside the video, or ask your favorite AI app what was said.