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Jay Shetty PodcastSELENA GOMEZ ON: How To STOP Insecurity & TRULY LOVE YOURSELF To The Core | Jay Shetty
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CHAPTERS
- 0:00 – 5:48
Welcoming Selena Gomez and Releasing the Documentary
Jay Shetty introduces Selena Gomez and recalls their first dinner meeting. Selena explains that she wrestled daily with whether to release her documentary, then saw it was meant for something bigger and that releasing it is healing.
- •Jay recalls singing a Sanskrit prayer at dinner in front of Selena
- •Selena had a daily internal battle over whether the documentary was too honest
- •She decided it was about other people, not just herself
- •Releasing it is a healing process and a way of letting go of a past version of herself
- 5:48 – 10:10
Staying Open to Love and Sharing Your Darkest Secrets
Selena says she refuses to build armor against pain and would rather keep getting her heart broken than feel nothing. Asked what happens when we share our darkest secrets, she says to be careful who you tell and to learn everything you can about what you are facing.
- •She would rather have her heart broken than not feel at all
- •Be careful who you share your story with
- •Learn everything you can about a condition such as depression and what triggers it
- •Her mom taught her that learning about a fear makes it less scary, as with the tornadoes
- 10:10 – 13:47
Making Bipolar a Friend: From Inner Critic to Inner Friend
Selena describes four treatment centers, therapy, and medication. She says acceptance, not a cure, made her condition livable, and that family and friends had to learn too. Jay compares the process to weather and to a snake shedding its skin.
- •She has been to four treatment centers and uses therapy and medication
- •Accepting that it won't go away shifted her focus to knowing her triggers
- •Family and friends learning to live with it took time
- •Jay compares healing to seasons and to a snake gently shedding its skin
- 13:47 – 17:14
Being Strong for Yourself and Small Mood Changes
Selena says she tends to blame herself and that she had been getting back up for her sister and fans before learning to be strong for herself. She describes small changes like adjusting what she watches and listens to, which leads into a light exchange about scary movies and "cliffhanger chemicals."
- •She tends to blame herself when she can't let something go
- •She recognized she needed to be strong for herself, not only for others
- •Small changes to TV and music can shift her mood
- •Jay calls anxiety-inducing media "cliffhanger chemicals"
- 17:14 – 21:58
Living Under Public Scrutiny and Leading with Love
Jay asks what it is like to deal with everyday struggles with added public exposure. Selena says she doesn't know any different, tries to interrupt negative stories with her truth, and found confidence after a public breakup, choosing to combat negativity with love and kindness.
- •She grew up in the spotlight and had to learn not to give people clickbait
- •The documentary is her taking control of her story
- •Her confidence grew after a very public breakup
- •She finds it fun to answer negativity with love and doesn't want to waste time on online negativity
- 21:58 – 27:44
Frustrating Press Questions and Wanting to Be Seen as Human
Selena says shallow press questions can feel insulting after long days of interviews, and hopes the documentary shifts that. She says she doesn't want to be seen as perfect and explains that she felt she had to be perfect, which fed the confusion behind her 2016 comments about her body and image.
- •Long press days of questions like word association are frustrating
- •She'd rather be asked how people are doing
- •She doesn't want people to think she has it all figured out
- •She felt she had to be perfect, tied to her body and "Disney kid" worries in 2016
- 27:44 – 32:55
Embracing Imperfection and the Blessing in the Breaking
Selena says she's okay with her imperfections, illustrated by her cheap banana Halloween costume. She says mistakes in the studio and on set often become highlights, and that there's blessing in the breaking and no perfect way to heal, only daily practice.
- •Quirks like her laugh are part of who she is
- •The banana costume shows she doesn't have to be perfect
- •Mistakes in songs and scenes sometimes become the best hooks or funniest moments
- •"There's blessing in the breaking" and no perfect way to heal
- •Every day is practice and her story isn't done
- 32:55 – 38:15
Going Home and Embracing Change
Selena describes going home as safe, simple, and untainted, recalling her snow cone place in Texas. She says she hates change but has embraced its discomfort in the past year, helped by months in New York filming her show, after previously retreating out of fear of being seen.
- •Home in Texas feels safe and kind, and she hopes to inspire someone from there
- •Her pickle snow cone place brought back time with her dad and cousin
- •She says she hates change but has recently embraced it
- •She used to stay in to avoid being seen
- •Months in New York opened her up
- 38:15 – 43:53
Mental Health Around the World: The Trip to Africa and Betty's Story
Selena describes a week-long trip to Africa for the film, where she realized mental health affects people everywhere. She recounts Betty, who sat by a lake for two weeks contemplating suicide and felt she wasn't good enough for her family, and says she plans to keep making such trips.
- •A quick video turned into falling in love with the people and story
- •Mental health struggles are universal
- •Betty sat at a lake for two weeks and now attends school and hopes to influence her village
- •Betty felt she had to be everything for her family, a feeling Selena related to
- •Selena plans to make these trips a yearly or quarterly priority
- 43:53 – 48:08
Her Mom's Lessons on Service and Awareness of Others
Selena says she wants to change lives and traces that to her mom taking her to soup kitchens and showing her the hard parts of the world. Jay shares his own early awareness in India, and they discuss how being part of the solution makes problems feel within reach, and how ignoring problems backfires.
- •Her mom took her to soup kitchens and never shielded her from hard realities
- •Her mom reminded her to be thankful and aware of people
- •Jay recalls seeing children his age on the streets in India
- •Ignoring problems leads to unhealthy coping
- •She allows herself a day in bed when depressed rather than pushing the feeling away
- 48:08 – 54:58
Facing Fears and Intention in Her Work
Selena says her fears are quiet, like nerves about the documentary's reception, and that facing them builds strength and wisdom. She says the intention behind her projects must be good and not just about her, and that she wants to be "just enough" rather than striving to be number one.
- •She still feels nervous about the documentary's reaction
- •Facing fears shows her what she's capable of
- •Jay says everyone has an essence, and other things just cover it up
- •She wants projects to benefit others, not only herself
- •Being number one is exhausting; she wants to be enough
- 54:58 – 1:05:59
Mandy Joins: Parenting at 16 and Fearing the Documentary
Selena's mother, Mandy, joins and talks about being honest with her daughter and having her at 16. She explains why she hasn't watched the documentary, as it would revive painful moments. Selena says the hardest part was not letting her family in.
- •Mandy was honest about being imperfect so Selena wouldn't feel she had to live up to perfection
- •Having a child at 16 meant a delayed adolescence while juggling school, work, and parenting
- •Mandy hasn't watched the documentary because she would want to protect her daughter
- •Selena has only seen it twice and relates to her mom
- •Selena says the hardest part was not letting her family in
- 1:05:59 – 1:17:00
Wondermind and Mandy's Own Healing
Mandy shares her own childhood struggle and how it led to 13 Reasons Why and Wondermind, a mental health content ecosystem. She and Jay discuss the moment young Selena comforted her, Mandy's therapist and the daily-outing exercise, and the pressure parents and children feel to be the one who failed.
- •Mandy's childhood suicide attempt shaped her desire to prevent others from feeling that way
- •Wondermind aims to be one place for content that supports everyone, including people not seeking treatment
- •Young Selena told her mom, "You'll figure it out. Just keep going"
- •Mandy's therapist had her leave the house daily after a miscarriage
- •Jay says parents and children often silently blame themselves
- 1:17:00 – 1:27:58
Self-Work, Parenting Differently, and Mental Health on Screen
Mandy talks about exploring therapy on her own, a 28-day facility stay, and realizing she was parenting Selena the way she needed to be parented. Jay reflects that we love people the way we wish to be loved. Mandy explains why mental health representation on screen matters and why growth isn't a perfect line.
- •Mandy sought help on her own and spent 28 days at a facility
- •She realized she was parenting Selena the way she needed to be parented
- •She learned to listen instead of fix
- •Jay says we love people the way we wish we were loved
- •She wants real stories of people living with mental health conditions, not only the bad portrayals
- •Growth is patience and holding space
- 1:27:58 – 1:37:11
Final Five Questions and Closing
Selena and Mandy answer Jay's final five questions on advice, purpose, values, and a law everyone should follow. Mandy then asks Jay when he last did something for the first time, and he describes trekking with gorillas in Rwanda before the thank-yous.
- •Best advice: make mental health part of your life and take your time
- •Worst advice: that it's all in your head or to just calm down
- •Selena says she has stopped valuing people's opinions, and Mandy says to be selective about what you let in
- •Their one law: treat others as you want to be treated, plus practicing forgiveness
- •Jay describes trekking with mountain gorillas in Rwanda
