SELENA GOMEZ ON: How To STOP Insecurity & TRULY LOVE YOURSELF To The Core | Jay Shetty

1. 0:00 – 21:01

   Intro

   1. SGSelena Gomez0:00

      There's blessing in the breaking, even if it's just road rage. As simple as that to maybe losing someone that you love.

   2. JSJay Shetty0:07

      Mm.

   3. SGSelena Gomez0:08

      There is no perfect way to heal.

   4. SPSpeaker0:10

      The bestselling author and host.

   5. JSJay Shetty0:11

      The number one health and wellness podcast.

   6. SGSelena Gomez0:14

      On Purpose with Jay Shetty.

   7. JSJay Shetty0:17

      Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world, thanks to each and every one of you that come here every week to become happier, healthier, and more healed. And you know that I love sitting down with guests who allow us into their lives, who allow us into their journeys to understand more, to help us not feel alone, to help us feel connected in our pain and in our purpose, and to recognize that we have so much more in common, and that when we work together, we can truly find the light in our lives. Now, today's guest is someone who I believe does this with every step, every word, and everything she takes on in her life. I've had the fortune of getting to know her over the last few years, and I can honestly say that not only is she one of the most genuine and kindhearted people I know, she's also just one of the most loving and soulful people who truly wants to change lives. I have to start the episode by saying this: I believe today's guest is someone who's extremely on purpose. I'm speaking about the one and only Selena Gomez, one of the most globally and culturally celebrated artists, actors, producers, entrepreneurs, and most importantly, I know to her, philanthropist of her generation. As a recording artist, Selena has sold more than 210 million singles worldwide and has over 45 billion global streams. Her upcoming biographical documentary, which I want you to go and see, Selena Gomez: My Mind & Me, is out right now. I got to see it earlier. I'll tell you all about it. And in 2019, Selena launched her beauty line, Rare Beauty, exclusively with Sephora. As part of the partnership, Gomez announced the Rare Impact Fund, pledging to raise, this is outstanding, pledging to raise $100 million for mental health services for individuals in underserved communities. Philanthropy and activism have been key pillars of Selena's career, and she's used her platform to advocate for many important causes. Selena has raised millions of dollars for charity, including Global Citizen and the Lupus Reaches- Research Alliance. Please welcome to the show Selena Gomez. Selena, it is-

   8. SGSelena Gomez2:31

      Thank you

   9. JSJay Shetty2:31

      ... so wonderful to be with you.

   10. SGSelena Gomez2:33

       [laughs] That was so nice. I felt very, like, emotional, and I felt so, I felt so honored. Thank you for saying those kind words.

   11. JSJay Shetty2:42

       I, I meant every word. I think-

   12. SGSelena Gomez2:43

       Thank you

   13. JSJay Shetty2:44

       ... whenever I've sat with you, we've always had a conversation about purpose-

   14. SGSelena Gomez2:48

       Yep

   15. JSJay Shetty2:48

       ... always had a conversation about service-

   16. SGSelena Gomez2:50

       Mm-hmm

   17. JSJay Shetty2:51

       ... always had a conversation that's reflective. But I wanted to start with this because I, we are gonna talk about lots of deep and meaningful things today.

   18. SGSelena Gomez2:58

       Yes.

   19. JSJay Shetty2:58

       But I also wanted to start with this because it's my first memory of meeting you, and you've, you've probably forgotten this, but at least for me it's-

   20. SGSelena Gomez3:05

       Oh, God.

   21. JSJay Shetty3:06

       [laughs]

   22. SGSelena Gomez3:06

       Here we go.

   23. JSJay Shetty3:07

       Okay. So, uh, you'd come over for dinner.

   24. SGSelena Gomez3:10

       Mm-hmm.

   25. JSJay Shetty3:10

       That was the first time we met, and I remember that we were about to eat. My wife had made dinner for us.

   26. SGSelena Gomez3:16

       Mm-hmm.

   27. JSJay Shetty3:16

       And we say a prayer before we eat.

   28. SGSelena Gomez3:20

       Mm-hmm.

   29. JSJay Shetty3:21

       But the prayer is chanted and sung somewhat-

   30. SGSelena Gomez3:24

       Mm
2. 21:01 – 26:04

   Choosing to combat negativity with love and kindness

   1. SGSelena Gomez21:01

      stronger.

   2. JSJay Shetty21:01

      Yeah. Well, I w- I want you to know that, you know, we, we see you for that.

   3. SGSelena Gomez21:06

      Thank you.

   4. JSJay Shetty21:06

      Like, it is, it is... Whenever you do that, I am completely mind-blown because it, it requires so much self-assurance, it, it requires so much, uh, commitment to your truth-

   5. SGSelena Gomez21:20

      Mm-hmm

   6. JSJay Shetty21:20

      ... and then also for, for everyone else. So thank you so much for leading the way, even in that, like [laughs] -

   7. SGSelena Gomez21:25

      You're very sweet

   8. JSJay Shetty21:26

      ... and as a thing.

   9. SGSelena Gomez21:26

      Thank you.

   10. JSJay Shetty21:26

       Like, no, it, it's so hard to do. It's so easy to, it's so easy to be defensive.

   11. SGSelena Gomez21:32

       Mm-hmm.

   12. JSJay Shetty21:32

       Uh, and you've found, because it's your truth, you've found a way of sharing your truth without making it defensive.

   13. SGSelena Gomez21:41

       Mm-hmm. Of course.

   14. JSJay Shetty21:42

       That's, you know-

   15. SGSelena Gomez21:43

       I, I mean, thank you. I, I don't know if I intentionally do it, but it works really well, so I'm sticking to it.

   16. JSJay Shetty21:49

       [laughs] Yeah, stick to it.

   17. SGSelena Gomez21:50

       Mm-hmm.

   18. JSJay Shetty21:50

       Don't, don't change it.

   19. SGSelena Gomez21:50

       Yeah.

   20. JSJay Shetty21:50

       Don't ch- Teach it. Teach it. [laughs]

   21. SGSelena Gomez21:52

       Yeah. Exactly.

   22. JSJay Shetty21:52

       Teach it. The new masterclass. That, yeah, no, I, I, I genuinely mean that, genuinely mean that. Um, one of the things that comes through in the documentary is we're just getting full access.

   23. SGSelena Gomez22:03

       Mm-hmm.

   24. JSJay Shetty22:03

       Like, that's what it feels right?

   25. SGSelena Gomez22:04

       Yeah.

   26. JSJay Shetty22:04

       Like, full access at all times. Um, and we get to see all of your relationships, and you get to see the relationships that are long-term, you get newer relationships, you get all these different people who are interacting with you, and they're interacting with you in every element. Like, we get to see you straight after an interview, straight before an interview. And, and I could tell there was a time when you, you feel a bit of angst because you get asked poor questions-

   27. SGSelena Gomez22:32

       Right

   28. JSJay Shetty22:32

       ... or, or like, you know, and I, and I could see that in you. And that really hit me because the reason we set up this conversation, this, this podcast in the first place was I was hoping that it would be a place where people like yourself-

   29. SGSelena Gomez22:45

       Right

   30. JSJay Shetty22:45

       ... could share your true purpose.
3. 26:04 – 27:57

   Getting asked frustrating questions

   1. SGSelena Gomez26:04

      with.

   2. JSJay Shetty26:04

      Yeah. Why is, why is that important? Why do you think it's important that, I guess for a long time, your, people did consider celebrity to be perfect-

   3. SGSelena Gomez26:13

      Mm-hmm

   4. JSJay Shetty26:13

      ... or maybe it was portrayed that way sometimes. Maybe it wasn't. But why do you think it's important for people to see that no one in the world, including me, uh, anyone we're talking about-

   5. SGSelena Gomez26:21

      Yeah

   6. JSJay Shetty26:21

      ... there's no one who's perfect. But why is that so important?

   7. SGSelena Gomez26:24

      It's important to me because I felt like I had to be. When I was-

   8. JSJay Shetty26:28

      Wow. Wow. Yeah

   9. SGSelena Gomez26:28

      ... you know, when I was going through relationships, I felt like I had to be a certain way. That's why in 2016, I was talking about my body and talking about my appearance and, and talking about how, oh, everyone's gonna see me as this Disney kid. No one's gonna-

   10. JSJay Shetty26:49

       Mm

   11. SGSelena Gomez26:49

       ... take me seriously.

   12. JSJay Shetty26:51

       Mm-hmm.

   13. SGSelena Gomez26:51

       All of those moments, w- that's kind of where, yeah, that's where all the confusion came from for me. Yeah.

   14. JSJay Shetty27:00

       Yeah.

   15. SGSelena Gomez27:01

       If that makes sense.

   16. JSJay Shetty27:01

       No, that does make sense. That's, that's a really fascinating answer because, yeah, it's almost like you've had to live that way.

   17. SGSelena Gomez27:07

       Yeah.

   18. JSJay Shetty27:08

       And then you're kind of unpacking it for everyone and, and breaking down that image that's created, and I think that definitely comes across. One of the things that stood out to me in that unpacking of the perfection element-

   19. SGSelena Gomez27:22

       Mm-hmm

   20. JSJay Shetty27:22

       ... that you're talking about, we're so scared of imperfection because it reveals there's parts of us that are not ideal by some external comparison or by some internal trigger or some past experience where we, we have that feeling. Uh, how do you now deal with your imperfections? Like, how do you feel about parts of you that, that are not perfect?

   21. SGSelena Gomez27:51

       I'm okay with that. I actually think a lot of who I am

4. 27:57 – 32:27

   No one is perfect, even celebrities

   1. SGSelena Gomez27:57

      are just a few things that are not perfect, even down to my laugh. Sometimes I used to be insecure about my laugh or, you know, the fact that I'll always talk during the movie or-

   2. JSJay Shetty28:12

      [laughs]

   3. SGSelena Gomez28:13

      ... you know, I'll always do something minuscule. And I think little things like that make me happy because I feel like everybody else in the world. You know, recent, for example, a very small example-

   4. JSJay Shetty28:27

      Yeah, please

   5. SGSelena Gomez28:27

      ... but this Halloween, I w- I was a banana, and I, and I, and I genuinely just, like, got the cheapest outfit, put it on, and roamed around Times Square with my friends and had the best time.

   6. JSJay Shetty28:41

      [laughs]

   7. SGSelena Gomez28:41

      And everyone kept sending me these memes 'cause every- everybody else kind of went all out, and maybe I could have painted my face and done a little more.

   8. JSJay Shetty28:51

      [laughs]

   9. SGSelena Gomez28:52

      But everyone looked really sexy and fun, and, and literally I was a banana. [laughs]

   10. JSJay Shetty28:57

       [laughs]

   11. SGSelena Gomez28:58

       That basically sums up who I am, um, to a T, and it was, um... That, that to me means that I don't have to be perfect all the time.

   12. JSJay Shetty29:08

       Yeah.

   13. SGSelena Gomez29:08

       I'd rather be that girl.

   14. JSJay Shetty29:09

       Yeah. And how does that apply to work? Like, how does that perfectionist mindset work in terms of, like, music or-

   15. SGSelena Gomez29:16

       Yeah

   16. JSJay Shetty29:16

       ... creation or acting? Like, because that's beautiful in your personal life. It sounds like there's this acceptance of, you know, we can be, uh-

   17. SGSelena Gomez29:24

       Yeah

   18. JSJay Shetty29:24

       ... we can be more f- in flow.

   19. SGSelena Gomez29:26

       Mm-hmm.

   20. JSJay Shetty29:27

       But then how does that apply to, like, writing or creating or building, like?

   21. SGSelena Gomez29:32

       Well, I think, uh, I, I don't... I, I, well, I always say this in any session. There are no stupid questions.

   22. JSJay Shetty29:39

       Mm-hmm.

   23. SGSelena Gomez29:40

       I always have to say that out loud because sometimes I genuinely will think, "Well, what does this mean? And how can I unpack this and create a, um, a song from this?" Or, "How do I unpack this scene and do the best I can?" You know, there are mistakes that happen in the studio and on set that actually end up becoming a part of it. You know, me-

   24. JSJay Shetty30:03

       Yeah

   25. SGSelena Gomez30:03

       ... messing up a line actually ended up being funny, and we kept it in the show or, you know, there's something I said in a lyric that was wrong, and it ends up being the biggest hook that we've got.

   26. JSJay Shetty30:16

       [laughs]

   27. SGSelena Gomez30:16

       And I, and I look for those moments.

   28. JSJay Shetty30:18

       Yeah.

   29. SGSelena Gomez30:19

       I crave, I crave those moments.

   30. JSJay Shetty30:21

       That's a great example.
5. 32:27 – 37:38

   How do you deal with imperfections?

   1. SGSelena Gomez32:27

      is practice. I, I even said it last night at, at the premiere. I was saying, "I don't, I don't have anything figured out." [laughs] I am definitely not like, "I'm sold. I'm good." It, it's, it's more just this is a continuation.

   2. JSJay Shetty32:42

      Yeah.

   3. SGSelena Gomez32:42

      And my story's not done, and I can't wait to find out what's gonna happen next. And doesn't mean it's gonna be easy, and sure there's gonna be bumps that happen, but I'm gonna learn how to live with them.

   4. JSJay Shetty32:54

      Yeah. As someone who's so committed to moving forward, what did it feel like going back to, like, your school and, and all these old places? I won't give away too many, but in the documentary you go and visit, you know, people-

   5. SGSelena Gomez33:05

      I love that

   6. JSJay Shetty33:05

      ... and what, yeah, what, what does that do?

   7. SGSelena Gomez33:06

      Well, going home is, is like, to me it's, it's untainted territory.

   8. JSJay Shetty33:13

      Right.

   9. SGSelena Gomez33:14

      It is safe. It is simple and kind. Where I'm from, it is all about, you know, being together, loving each other. I go home and people are like, "Welcome home, Miss Gomez." They're not, you know, treating me any differently. And I enjoy, and I enjoy visiting, you know, what made me who I am. And it always gives me the, a good sense of, of like, "Oh, I hope I can inspire people from where I'm from," 'cause there's not a lot to do-

   10. JSJay Shetty33:46

       Mm

   11. SGSelena Gomez33:46

       ... where I'm from. But I hope I can inspire just one person to do something bigger than that.

   12. JSJay Shetty33:51

       Yeah. Was there any particular place that you went back that almost gave you a, a, a special feeling or it, or something surprised you that you're like, "Oh, I didn't think this was gonna be-"

   13. SGSelena Gomez33:59

       Yeah.

   14. JSJay Shetty33:59

       Yeah.

   15. SGSelena Gomez33:59

       Well, my snow cone place.

   16. JSJay Shetty34:01

       [laughs]

   17. SGSelena Gomez34:01

       I really, I loved that place. I would go with my dad all the time, and my cousin, and we would get the pickle snow cones with, like, you know, grape in it, and it would just be so yummy and amazing. And it would just, you know, brought me back to when it would be so hot in Texas, and I was with my family, and we would just stop there and sit outside for an hour and just talk, and it was just the best.

   18. JSJay Shetty34:26

       Yeah. I love, yeah, that's, that's, that's great to hear. I think there's always... I, I have this park in my hometown.

   19. SGSelena Gomez34:32

       Mm-hmm.

   20. JSJay Shetty34:32

       It's called Broomfield Park, and it's, it's still charming to me even though-

   21. SGSelena Gomez34:37

       Yeah

   22. JSJay Shetty34:37

       ... I don't think if anyone else went there [laughs] they'd find it that charming.

   23. SGSelena Gomez34:40

       Yeah, exactly.

   24. JSJay Shetty34:40

       They'd be like, "Okay."

   25. SGSelena Gomez34:41

       I know.

   26. JSJay Shetty34:41

       But, but when I go back, I know where I used to go and buy my, my ice cream from and-

   27. SGSelena Gomez34:45

       Aww

   28. JSJay Shetty34:45

       ... you know, where the truck would be. And there's, there's all these special moments that you, that almost... But it, it sounds like, again, like, it sounds like, it's not like you're like, "Oh, I miss that." It's almost like, "That was a part of me and it's a beautiful thing."

   29. SGSelena Gomez34:58

       Mm.

   30. JSJay Shetty34:58

       "But now I'm happy to be new." And I, even today when we were just walking over here and we were talking about just you finding places that-
6. 37:38 – 40:01

   Areas in your life that made you who you are

   1. SGSelena Gomez37:38

      living. And it's easy to go do a job because, well, I, I'm with a bunch of people, they help me look good, I do my job, I smile, and I'm done. But taking spontaneous trips or, you know, getting out and going to the Balboa Park, which is a very simple park, and just doing that kind of stuff is necessary. And I, I noticed that New York really helped me. It just really opened me up.

   2. JSJay Shetty38:07

      Mm.

   3. SGSelena Gomez38:07

      The show is really great, and I think being around a bunch of New Yorkers, it does something to you, man.

   4. JSJay Shetty38:14

      [laughs]

   5. SGSelena Gomez38:14

      It's good.

   6. JSJay Shetty38:15

      Yeah. Well, one of the biggest changes in atmosphere that you talk about in the documentary is you go to Africa.

   7. SGSelena Gomez38:19

      Right.

   8. JSJay Shetty38:19

      And that's like a, that's a big change-

   9. SGSelena Gomez38:22

      Definitely

   10. JSJay Shetty38:22

       ... you know, even if it's a shorter period of time. But you were still there for a consider-

   11. SGSelena Gomez38:26

       I was there for a week, yes.

   12. JSJay Shetty38:27

       Yeah.

   13. SGSelena Gomez38:27

       But I mean, that definitely wasn't the first time-

   14. JSJay Shetty38:30

       Mm

   15. SGSelena Gomez38:30

       ... that I had taken trips, um, in, in the, in the vein of wanting to go for a mission. And-

   16. JSJay Shetty38:37

       Mm

   17. SGSelena Gomez38:38

       ... it was one of the most beautiful moments of the film for me because we actually thought we were just gonna make a quick little video about, you know, what we were there to do, and then we fell in love with the people, we fell in love with the story, and we started noticing that everywhere in the world mental health is very, very real. It's very much something that's affecting everyone. Um, and then you kind of realize that the world is, it's, it's a small place sometimes because you're all kind of walking through pain and you're all looking at things in a different way. But ultimately, you all wanna be happy. And I felt like they inspired me more than I could have done anything for them. It was a really beautiful trip and, yeah, it was one of my favorite moments of the film.

   18. JSJay Shetty39:38

       People don't always understand how mental health exists ever in the world. When you said that they're also experiencing mental health, what was their experience of it compared to what we would understand as our experience in the US or?

   19. SGSelena Gomez39:48

       Yeah. Well, I was, I was talking to a woman named Betty, and she was, you know, basically kind of the person touring, giving us the tour around the village and the schools, and

7. 40:01 – 44:54

   Embracing change

   1. SGSelena Gomez40:01

      she was lovely. But when we stopped to have a conversation, we just were sitting down and she, she told me her story and how she was dealing with suicidal thoughts, and then how she went to a lake and sat there for two weeks contemplating. Not a day or an hour of moment, it was two weeks, and that was something that I felt floored by because that's different. Obviously, we can have those thoughts, but she dismissed herself from everyone, and she had to find it with herself when so many people don't need to walk through that alone, but she did, and she did it well, and she's proud of it. And now she is in an incredible school, and she's going to grow up to be the best influence for her village, for her sisters, for everyone that she's around. That's so, so special.

   2. JSJay Shetty41:03

      Mm-hmm.

   3. SGSelena Gomez41:03

      And I, I'm just having those conversations with someone from across the world, it's mind-blowing. You don't really know what people are walking through until you do stop and have a conversation.

   4. JSJay Shetty41:16

      Yeah, two weeks. That-

   5. SGSelena Gomez41:18

      Right?

   6. JSJay Shetty41:18

      Yeah.

   7. SGSelena Gomez41:18

      Can't imagine that feeling, what you must be walking through for two-

   8. JSJay Shetty41:22

      Yeah

   9. SGSelena Gomez41:22

      ... weeks to just be sitting there.

   10. JSJay Shetty41:24

       And did she feel the same, from your deeper conversation with her, did she feel the same feeling that a lot of people do here where it's like, "I don't know who to talk to, and I don't know who to-

   11. SGSelena Gomez41:33

       Absolutely

   12. JSJay Shetty41:33

       ... open up to and who, don't know who to trust?"

   13. SGSelena Gomez41:35

       She, she thought that she needed to be everything for her family, and she felt like she was letting them down. Same thing of not feeling good enough, not-

   14. JSJay Shetty41:45

       Wow

   15. SGSelena Gomez41:45

       ... feeling like her being there would even be helpful. And you do find the similarities in, in it, and that's how I felt like I bonded with her.

   16. JSJay Shetty41:56

       It's incredible, right? Like cross culture-

   17. SGSelena Gomez41:59

       Yeah

   18. JSJay Shetty41:59

       ... cross world, to have a human moment like that with, with someone. What, what purpose have those missions played in your life in terms of, like you said, this is not the first time you've been out, and-

   19. SGSelena Gomez42:09

       Mm-hmm

   20. JSJay Shetty42:09

       ... I'm, I'm sure it's not the last as well.

   21. SGSelena Gomez42:11

       No.

   22. JSJay Shetty42:11

       It's something that you wanna continue to do. I mean, there was a m- moment in the documentary where you don't wanna leave.

   23. SGSelena Gomez42:16

       Yeah. I don't think I necessarily will always be broadcasting when I'm-

   24. JSJay Shetty42:21

       Mm-hmm

   25. SGSelena Gomez42:21

       ... taking these trips or-

   26. JSJay Shetty42:22

       Mm-hmm

   27. SGSelena Gomez42:22

       ... wanting to do more and help and travel. So I think that I will probably have these quarterly or even just maybe once a year. I kind of have to set time apart for that-

   28. JSJay Shetty42:39

       Mm-hmm

   29. SGSelena Gomez42:39

       ... and I make it a priority just because I feel personally that everyone is my brother and sister. We're all here together-

   30. JSJay Shetty42:49

       Wow
8. 44:54 – 47:23

   Mental health awareness

   1. SGSelena Gomez44:54

      are about the world. She never protected me in, in a way of not showing me the bad things. She showed me everything, and that's what has always been a part of my life. I mean, down to I'd be on set, and I'd be talking to the director, and someone would come give me a water, and if my mom noticed that I didn't say thank you, she would just remind me gently in a way that was like, "Hey, next time be aware, and be thankful." And it's kinda like, "Oh yeah, you're right. Sorry, Mom."

   2. JSJay Shetty45:27

      [laughs]

   3. SGSelena Gomez45:27

      But you're, you're right. You're, you are, you gotta be aware of, of people, and you have to be aware of what people are walking through.

   4. JSJay Shetty45:35

      Yeah. I mean, that's such a-

   5. SGSelena Gomez45:36

      Or try.

   6. JSJay Shetty45:36

      Yeah, yeah. No, and it's such a, I think that's such a beautiful message to anyone who is growing up with a little bit more.

   7. SGSelena Gomez45:44

      Mm-hmm.

   8. JSJay Shetty45:44

      In terms of anyone who's grown up even... You know, everyone goes through so many difficult things, but I felt the same when I first went to India.

   9. SGSelena Gomez45:51

      Mm.

   10. JSJay Shetty45:51

       I was around nine years old when I first went to India.

   11. SGSelena Gomez45:53

       Wow.

   12. JSJay Shetty45:53

       And, and I remember we didn't have a lot growing up, but we were still traveling to India. We were in a car-

   13. SGSelena Gomez45:59

       Mm

   14. JSJay Shetty45:59

       ... and you look out the window and, and you see kids your age. I remember, you know, just seeing tons of kids my age on the streets.

   15. SGSelena Gomez46:06

       Mm-hmm.

   16. JSJay Shetty46:06

       And just, it, it was just, yeah, it just made me aware that there was a whole other world out there of experience that I only learned about later on.

   17. SGSelena Gomez46:15

       Yeah.

   18. JSJay Shetty46:16

       But I, I couldn't agree with you more that when you feel like you're a part, even a small part of the solution-

   19. SGSelena Gomez46:24

       Mm-hmm

   20. JSJay Shetty46:26

       ... the problem starts to feel more within reach.

   21. SGSelena Gomez46:30

       Right.

   22. JSJay Shetty46:30

       And I feel like sometimes when we push the problem away or we try and keep it out of sight-

   23. SGSelena Gomez46:35

       Yeah

   24. JSJay Shetty46:36

       ... it just feels bigger and harder and more difficult.

   25. SGSelena Gomez46:38

       Absolutely.

   26. JSJay Shetty46:39

       Yeah.

   27. SGSelena Gomez46:39

       Ignoring it is, is not fun.

   28. JSJay Shetty46:42

       No.

   29. SGSelena Gomez46:42

       I've done that before. It just, you end up coping in ways that you never thought that you would, and you end up feeling disappointed because you just, you don't wanna ever feel like you're doing the wrong thing.

   30. JSJay Shetty47:00

       Mm.
9. 47:23 – 53:51

   You have to be aware of people

   1. SGSelena Gomez47:23

      attack it in a way where, how do I approach this and figure out how to get myself out of this state of mind?

   2. JSJay Shetty47:31

      Yeah.

   3. SGSelena Gomez47:31

      And I've learned how to do that in the past few years, and I'm really grateful for it. It, it's a choice sometimes, but then I also hate when people say that, because sometimes I genuinely wake up in a depressive state-

   4. JSJay Shetty47:47

      Mm

   5. SGSelena Gomez47:47

      ... and I can't get out of bed. But I allow myself to have that day.

   6. JSJay Shetty47:50

      Mm-hmm.

   7. SGSelena Gomez47:51

      And just focus on things that can make me feel better. Instead of pushing it away and saying, "No, it's fine. I'm gonna go out. I'm gonna go do something. I'm gonna go get my adrenaline up. I'm gonna ignore it and ignore it and ignore it," it doesn't help at all.

   8. JSJay Shetty48:08

      Yeah. And it's, you just said there that everyone goes through a rock bottom moment.

   9. SGSelena Gomez48:12

      Yeah.

   10. JSJay Shetty48:12

       Like ev- everyone goes through that in their life in different ways.

   11. SGSelena Gomez48:15

       Mm-hmm.

   12. JSJay Shetty48:16

       How have you become more mindful of your fears and rock bottoms? Because I think often-

   13. SGSelena Gomez48:21

       Yeah

   14. JSJay Shetty48:21

       ... we ask people, like, would... I look at your life and I think you've, you've gone through so many difficult things and, you know, how, how do you deal with fears now? Because we all still have fears, we all still have worries, but I feel like you've found a way to become mindful of those things and become a bit more prepared for them.

   15. SGSelena Gomez48:37

       Well, thank you.

   16. JSJay Shetty48:38

       Yeah.

   17. SGSelena Gomez48:38

       I, I think maybe you are seeing a good side of me-

   18. JSJay Shetty48:41

       [laughs]

   19. SGSelena Gomez48:41

       ... because I have the hardest time doing it. I don't know. My fears are relatively, you know, they're quieter maybe I should say. You know, like for example, this documentary coming out, I am still nervous. I'm nervous for the reaction, um- Even though I know that I have good intentions behind it, I think that I just have to understand that my fears are only going to continue to show me what I'm capable of. The more that I face my fears, the more that I feel I'm gaining strength, I'm gaining wisdom, and I just wanna keep doing that, and I just hope to get better, hope to get smarter. I hope to become stronger and be a great person.

   20. JSJay Shetty49:32

       Yeah. That's, I mean, that's a phenomenal answer.

   21. SGSelena Gomez49:35

       Mm-hmm.

   22. JSJay Shetty49:35

       And it's... Yeah, I don't think I'm seeing the... I don't think I'm seeing a good side of you, Selena. I think I'm-

   23. SGSelena Gomez49:40

       And I'm like, "What do you... I guess so"

   24. JSJay Shetty49:42

       ... I think, no, I, I, I think, uh, you know, I, I don't think it's a good side because I don't believe you have a bad side.

   25. SGSelena Gomez49:48

       Oh, you're very sweet.

   26. JSJay Shetty49:49

       And, and, and, but I, but I think it's a, it's your truth that we're seeing.

   27. SGSelena Gomez49:53

       Mm-hmm.

   28. JSJay Shetty49:54

       You know? It's, it's, it's this, it's the, uh, it's the essence of us-

   29. SGSelena Gomez49:58

       Yeah

   30. JSJay Shetty49:58

       ... that, that I'm trying to see in you, in myself, in my, anyone around me, anyone I meet, whoever you bump into. It's like-
10. 53:51 – 56:58

    How do you deal with fears?

    1. SGSelena Gomez53:51

       change. Um, I will be shooting season three, so I'll be in New York for quite a bit, and I can't wait to see what will happen and all the people I'll meet and all the people I get to spend time with again, like Steve and Marty, and it'll be fun.

    2. JSJay Shetty54:08

       Yeah. I love that.

    3. SGSelena Gomez54:09

       Mm.

    4. JSJay Shetty54:10

       Well, Selena, this has been such a beautiful conversation, and the good thing is we don't have to end it here, but we get to invite-

    5. SGSelena Gomez54:17

       Mm.

    6. JSJay Shetty54:17

       We get a very special-

    7. SGSelena Gomez54:18

       Yes

    8. JSJay Shetty54:18

       ... guest-

    9. SGSelena Gomez54:19

       Yes

    10. JSJay Shetty54:19

        ... who's joining us today, a very special gift for my audience here and, and our community and everyone who's listening and watching. We get to have your mom-

    11. SGSelena Gomez54:26

        I know

    12. JSJay Shetty54:26

        ... on the show, which is amazing.

    13. SGSelena Gomez54:28

        It's really fun.

    14. JSJay Shetty54:29

        So I am so excited about this because to be able to talk to you both about the incredible work you're doing together, her incredible lessons that she shared with you-

    15. SGSelena Gomez54:38

        Yeah

    16. JSJay Shetty54:38

        ... over time that you spoke about so beautifully today, and I got to talk to her before we started recording as well, and just hearing about how innovative and creative she is.

    17. SGSelena Gomez54:49

        Yeah.

    18. JSJay Shetty54:50

        I mean, it's amazing. So if you're okay with it, I'd love to-

    19. SGSelena Gomez54:52

        Oh, I would love it

    20. JSJay Shetty54:53

        ... bring out your mom-

    21. SGSelena Gomez54:54

        Please

    22. JSJay Shetty54:54

        ... uh, Mandy, over in a second. So we will go and grab her.

    23. SGSelena Gomez54:58

        Yeah, let's do it.

    24. JSJay Shetty54:58

        Amazing. Mandy, hello.

    25. SPSpeaker55:00

        I went in there with the girls.

    26. JSJay Shetty55:01

        Oh, no, oh, no, no, sorry. [laughs] So we're so excited to have you here, Mandy.

    27. SPSpeaker55:05

        Yay.

    28. JSJay Shetty55:05

        This is amazing. This is really special.

    29. SPSpeaker55:07

        [laughs]

    30. JSJay Shetty55:08

        When, when I heard that I was gonna have this opportunity, I, I think it's always interesting Hearing about someone's journey through someone else's lens, especially your mom, like, you know, who else in the world? And now, now my mom's gonna be upset that I haven't had her on the podcast.
11. 56:58 – 1:37:11

    What is your intention?

    1. SPSpeaker56:58

       of her and, um, you know, I played a little role in it, and then she's, like, navigated herself into a wonderful adult and there's been ups and downs, but it's just been, um, it's been an honor to be her mother. Mm-hmm.

    2. JSJay Shetty57:13

       Well, what does, what does that feel like? I mean, that's a whole another experience having a child at 16. I mean, that's-

    3. SPSpeaker57:19

       Yeah

    4. JSJay Shetty57:20

       ... that's a very, you know, challenging, stressful thing for yourself to go through.

    5. SPSpeaker57:25

       You're obviously not mentally in a space to be raising a child because you are a child, and you're trying to figure out, um, who you are. And even in some of my really hard times, I feel Selena came into this world at the perfect time 'cause I was really lost myself, and I wasn't going down the right path. And then when I found out I was pregnant, I was like, "Oh, I have someone who's going to, I'm responsible for, and they're gonna look up to me for guidance." And even at a young age, that hit me, and I'm thankful that that hit me and that I deal to, I did allow that pressure to make sure that I was trying to do everything right for her, but that was a moment that when you're 16 in that phase, you're trying to figure out your path in life. And I think I kind of lost a little path of my life because I had something more important to, to, like, take over, and I think that the delayed adolescence is something that, um, I felt. Like even now, you know, I still feel like I'm a little bit youthful even though I'm, like, creaking and-

    6. JSJay Shetty58:33

       [laughs]

    7. SPSpeaker58:33

       ... popping when I walk. [laughs] You know, I, I still sometimes feel like I have a little bit more adolescence in me and still things to learn. And so as, as a teen, it was, um, it was really challenging, and it was really one of those beautiful, like, vortexes of n- of being young and being able to keep up with a child [laughs] and having that energy. So I was able to go to school. I went to a conservatory after. So I would take her to school, and when she started kindergarten, and then I would go to school, and then I would go to work.

    8. JSJay Shetty59:12

       Wow.

    9. SPSpeaker59:12

       And then I'd come home and do her homework and put her to bed, then do my homework and do it all over. And I think about that now, and I'm like, "No way."

    10. SGSelena Gomez59:21

        [laughs]

    11. SPSpeaker59:22

        I'm like, "No way." I'm like, I, I have a hard time getting up for my, my little one now. So I was like, "I was way too young then," and I'm like way too old now. [laughs]

    12. SGSelena Gomez59:31

        No, stop.

    13. JSJay Shetty59:32

        Yeah.

    14. SPSpeaker59:32

        No, but you know what I mean.

    15. JSJay Shetty59:33

        Yeah, yeah.

    16. SPSpeaker59:33

        I was just like, where was the sweet spot? I just kind of skimmed by it and-

    17. JSJay Shetty59:37

        No, that's-

    18. SPSpeaker59:37

        ... you know, accepted the challenge. [laughs]

    19. JSJay Shetty59:39

        No, that's incredible. Moms are amazing.

    20. SGSelena Gomez59:41

        I know.

    21. JSJay Shetty59:41

        I, I don't know how moms do it, moms across the world, my, my mom included, just-

    22. SPSpeaker59:44

        Yeah

    23. JSJay Shetty59:45

        ... unbelievable resilience.

    24. SPSpeaker59:47

        Mm-hmm.

    25. JSJay Shetty59:47

        Unbelievable found tolerance.

    26. SPSpeaker59:50

        Yes.

    27. JSJay Shetty59:50

        Like, you know, that, I mean, that sounds like such an incredible journey and, you know, as you were telling me earlier, you haven't yet managed to watch the documentary.

    28. SPSpeaker59:58

        Right.

    29. JSJay Shetty59:59

        You've seen parts, but you haven't been able to bring yourself to actually watch it.

    30. SPSpeaker1:00:03

        Yeah.

Episode duration: 1:37:11