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Jay Shetty Podcast

You’re Not Lazy — You’re Just Focused On The WRONG Goal (Fix THIS & Finally Start Winning)

Today, let's welcome Rob Dial, host of the Mindset Mentor Podcast and author of "Level Up."

Rob DialguestJay Shettyhost

Jul 1, 20241h 11mWatch on YouTube

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CHAPTERS

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Chapter summaries

Why Fear and Identity Keep Us From Focusing
Jay Shetty asks why people struggle to focus on goals they care about. Rob Dial points to intellectual fears that exist only in the mind, and to the identity we think we have, illustrated by Jim Carrey's experience playing Andy Kaufman.
- •Rob Dial describes primal fears (pain or death) versus intellectual fears like rejection, failure and success
- •An intellectual fear can't be overcome because it doesn't exist; we spend focus fighting it instead of acting
- •Rob tells the Jim Carrey and Andy Kaufman story as a lesson in how fixed our identity really is
- •Fear and our belief about who we are are the two things holding people back
Processing Fears That Feel Real: Awareness, Practice, Repetition
Jay asks how to handle a fear that feels real even if it is intellectual. Rob explains how the mind projects a scary future and the body reacts, then gives a three-part method and an example of changing his own habit of judging people.
- •The lion-dream example shows the body reacting to a threat that isn't there
- •Rob suggests imagining the best outcome instead of the worst
- •The three steps are awareness, a practice to get out of the state, and repetition
- •His grocery-store example: naming three things he likes about a stranger to change his second thought
- •He stresses giving yourself grace rather than beating yourself up
Your Most Repeated Thought and Watching Thoughts Go By
Jay says success and failure come down to our most repeated thought, which most people can't name. Rob offers the image of watching cars go by from a mountain edge and asks whether a thought helps or hinders.
- •Jay asks people what their most repeated thought is, and says many repeat the same thought in different words
- •Rob advises not identifying with your thoughts
- •The mountain-and-road analogy: watch thoughts pass without getting pulled in
- •Ask whether a thought is helping or holding you back, since you can change your second thought
Procrastination and the Power of Your Why
Jay asks what Rob learned about procrastination. Rob uses the extreme example of a million dollars versus loved ones' lives to show that the why drives action, distinguishes being driven from being motivated, and describes the seven levels of why with a coaching client.
- •The goal and timeframe stay the same but a strong why changes the odds
- •Rob says he has come to hate the word motivation because it is fleeting, and wants to be driven
- •His first coach said that if your why is strong enough, your how will reveal itself
- •A client's $100,000 goal turned out to be about regaining custody and keeping his children safe
How to Find Your Why When Life Isn't Desperate
Jay shares how his art teacher's repeated 'why' questions revealed layers, then asks how someone without a survival fear finds a why. Rob recounts leaving a well-paid job to start his podcast and the fear of staying in the same place.
- •Jay's art teacher asked why he made each piece, year after year
- •Jay asks how a person without a desperate situation discovers their why
- •Rob was making $250,000 a year at 27 but felt he was withering away
- •Fast-forwarding five years showed that staying put was scarier than the unknown
Rob's Father's Letter and Committing to the Path
Rob describes a moment of doubt in late 2015 and a letter from his late father found in a box of his things. It led him to commit fully and get a tattoo. He explains that fear never disappears and that his bigger fear is reaching the end of life without trying.
- •A few months into the podcast, Rob feared he'd have to go back to working for someone else
- •His sister showed him his father's letter ending 'live your life with courage, love, and laughter'
- •He tied the word decision to cutting off other options and got the line tattooed
- •Fear stays, but his biggest fear is not having gone for it
Uncertainty, Constant Awareness, and the Myth of Arriving
Jay brings up Jim Carrey's speech about his father choosing a safe job and says uncertain paths can be less fearful. He calls the idea that we'll reach a point of not having to think a myth. Rob agrees and reflects on how achievement didn't fill the void he expected it to.
- •Jay relays Jim Carrey's point that you may fail at something you don't love, so try something you do love
- •Jay says the biggest myth is that we'll get somewhere we no longer need to think or be conscious
- •Rob says reaching his money goal left him feeling exactly the same
- •He realized the external world was where he sought what he actually wanted from himself
- •Jay shares the Benjamin Franklin story about humility being the virtue he hadn't achieved
Addiction, Trauma, and Learning to Sit in Silence
Jay asks how Rob fills the void in practice. Rob describes his father's unhealed trauma, his own workaholism as a socially rewarded addiction, and how silence on his porch brings up anxiety, tears and gratitude, which he meets with curiosity.
- •Rob quotes Gabor Maté: don't ask why the trauma, ask why the pain
- •His workaholism was a way of not feeling his feelings, as scrolling or shopping can be for others
- •He built systems in his business to create room to just be
- •The polar bear and impala videos illustrate the body releasing stress
- •Krishnamurti's idea: learn yourself in the present rather than 'knowing' yourself from the past
Identity, the Soul, and Connecting to the Heart
Jay asks what the spiritual journey has taught Rob about identity. Rob says he sees himself as a soul that chose this life, which moves him out of victimhood, and describes seeking the truth behind everything and how it improved his marriage.
- •Rob says he is a soul that chose this life, which takes him out of being a victim
- •His body changes but the soul is always there, and he sees truth as what never changes
- •Rob quotes Ram Dass: the only work is connecting to your own heart
- •Connecting inward has improved his relationship with his wife
- •He compares personal development to a cup and spiritual development to a much bigger bucket
Balancing Body and Soul, and Holding Significance and Insignificance
Jay asks how to balance the demands of bodily life with the deeper self. Rob describes achieving without white-knuckling, and Jay introduces the idea of being simultaneously one and different, so that our work is both significant and insignificant. Both agree this is freeing and brings more fun and creativity.
- •Rob says spiritual development hasn't reduced his drive; he now acts without being wrapped up in fear
- •Getting out of his head and into his body and heart helps when stress hits
- •Jay explains the teaching that things can be real without being the full picture
- •Jay says believing life is significant and insignificant at once is the most helpful thought
- •Rob says this takes pressure off and invites fun and creativity, with silence bringing ideas
Distraction, Presence, and Starting From Peace
Jay asks how to pick yourself up in a world built for distraction. Rob says to return to why you want the change, describing why he deleted Instagram to be present with his wife and future children, and says peace makes achieving easier.
- •Jay notes that everything around us is built for distraction
- •Rob says working on yourself is how people reach freedom
- •He deleted Instagram so he can be present, and routes posts through his team
- •He asks whether a habit helps him get where he wants to be and creates peace
- •Jay agrees that starting from stillness gives clarity and perspective
Lesson Wished Learned Earlier: Loving Every Part of Yourself
Jay asks what lesson Rob wishes he had learned earlier. Rob says what we seek externally we're searching for in ourselves, and that he now loves all aspects of himself, including selfish ones, and can use them as tools. Jay adds the monastery concept of engaging unwanted tendencies in higher service.
- •What you search for externally you are really searching for yourself, as with people pleasers
- •Rob stopped trying to change parts of himself he resented and tries to love them instead
- •Trying to change a part makes it stronger, while accepting it calms it
- •He used his ego to help him write a better book
- •Jay describes anartha: unwanted tendencies are purified by engaging them in service
Lesson Learned the Hard Way: You Can't Do It All Alone
Jay asks about a lesson Rob learned the hard way. Rob says it was that he can't do it alone, tracing his difficulty trusting people to emotional neglect from his father, and says asking for help is strength.
- •A therapist told Rob he'd been emotionally neglected by his father
- •He developed the belief that no one would help him and he had to do everything alone
- •With a team of 30 people he gets in a day what he'd take a month to do
- •Asking his wife for support dispelled his fear of seeming not man enough
- •Jay encourages listeners to write down both lessons
Final Five and Closing
Jay runs the Final Five questions. Rob's answers include that everything is your fault in the sense of being the CEO of your life, along with self-compassion, meditation and breathwork, and a law of five minutes of daily self-awareness. Jay then promotes the book Level Up and the two exchange thanks.
- •Best advice: everything is your fault, from his first coach, meaning you are the CEO of your life
- •Worst advice: fit in with everybody else
- •Most repeated thought is 'I'm proud of you', and his daily habit is meditation and breathwork
- •His one law: five minutes of self-awareness every day
- •Jay points listeners to the book Level Up

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