CHAPTERS
- 0:00 – 0:56
Duck eggs disappointment and the ‘Ball Hog’ banter begins
Joe and Tom open with playful trash talk and an unexpectedly strong opinion: duck eggs are a scam. They compare duck, chicken, and quail eggs, and Joe describes the texture and aftertaste that made him regret the purchase.
- •Joe tries duck eggs from Erewhon and hates the gooey texture
- •Comparison to chicken eggs (the default for a reason) and quail eggs (actually good)
- •Joe decides the remaining duck eggs are going to the dog
- •Early “ball hog” callbacks set the tone for the episode
- 0:56 – 3:44
Dogs, spoiled pet diets, and how hard it is to lose them
The conversation shifts to dogs: Joe’s golden retriever Marshall, Tom’s small dog, and the strange comfort pets bring. They talk candidly about grieving animals and how touring/working can delay processing a pet’s death.
- •Joe’s dog Marshall eats eggs, kibble, and ground elk—‘spoiled’ by design
- •Tom jokes his Brussels Griffon is lovable but very dumb
- •Both discuss losing dogs and the emotional crash that can hit later
- •Pets as constant companions: life feels off without one
- 3:44 – 5:28
Coyotes in LA neighborhoods and the case for taking them out
They move from pets to predators, swapping stories about coyotes lurking in neighborhoods and yards. Joe argues that coyotes are bold, dangerous to pets, and sometimes require direct action.
- •Joe describes seeing coyotes near his chicken coop—dogs can sense them first
- •Whitney Cummings’ area has frequent coyote packs in yards
- •Debate over city rules vs. ‘shoot, shovel, shut up’ mentality
- •Coyotes’ one redeeming quality: controlling rats
- 5:28 – 6:26
Owls, hawks, and why ‘wise forest animals’ are actually monsters
Predator talk continues with owls and birds of prey, which they frame as silent, ruthless hunters. They also touch on how pop culture romanticizes animals like owls and bears, masking how brutal they are.
- •Owls as efficient predators (and a threat to cats)
- •Stories/videos of owls attacking other birds (including hawks)
- •How cultural symbolism (‘wise owl’) clashes with real behavior
- •Comedic reference: Matt Braunger’s owl bit
- 6:26 – 9:56
Grizzlies, face injuries, and the thin line between survival and horror
They react to graphic wildlife-attack aftermath stories, including a grizzly mauling survivor and other brutal accident footage. The discussion turns to modern reconstructive surgery and how terrifying animal power really is.
- •Story of a man whose face was mauled by a grizzly yet survived
- •They reference other extreme injury footage (e.g., tree-trimming accident)
- •Joe marvels at reconstructive surgery outcomes
- •Bears’ power: anecdotes about breaking a moose’s back with a swat
- 9:56 – 17:45
When size beats skill: fighters, NFL monsters, and Conor vs. ‘The Mountain’
Tom asks the classic question: when does raw size negate training? Joe explains the difference between grappling and striking matchups, then they geek out over freak athletes and watch Conor McGregor spar with a giant.
- •Joe: jiu-jitsu can overcome big weight gaps, striking is riskier
- •Examples of enormous athletic humans (pro football linemen)
- •Larry Allen’s strength feats (combine reps, massive bench)
- •Conor vs. Hafþór: speed/cardio and feints neutralize size (within rules)
- 17:45 – 19:52
Lockdown-era UFC logistics: battleships, sheikhs, and testing fighters
They pivot into early-pandemic sports disruption: how the UFC might keep events going despite lockdowns. Joe imagines ‘international waters’ fights or wealthy hosts funding a sanitized, closed event.
- •Khabib vs. Tony uncertainty and the search for a host country
- •Joe’s ‘battleship in international waters’ event idea
- •How combat sports are easier to stage than team sports during lockdowns
- •Ethical/practical questions: fighters testing positive but asymptomatic
- 19:52 – 27:31
COVID misinformation, ‘Kung Flu’ press drama, and racism spillover
They discuss viral news moments and how click-chasing distorts responsibility and blame. The conversation expands into how racist framing fuels real-world harassment against Asian Americans, echoing post‑9/11 misdirected hate.
- •Chloroquine vs. fish-tank/koi-pond chemical confusion and a fatal incident
- •Media incentives: assigning blame for bad decisions to generate clicks
- •Press conference ‘Kung Flu’ question and Joe’s critique of priorities
- •Real-world harassment: coughing at an Asian woman; parallels to Sikh targeting after 9/11
- 27:31 – 36:18
Comedian Michael Yeo hospitalized, asymptomatic spread, and Olympic/IOC corruption
Joe shares updates on Michael Yeo’s severe illness and why COVID’s variability is unsettling. From there they discuss asymptomatic transmission, Tokyo postponement, and a broader rant about athletes being exploited by massive organizations.
- •Michael Yeo’s timeline: NYC shows, pneumonia + COVID, slow recovery concerns
- •Asymptomatic spread and long shedding period
- •Tokyo Olympics postponement and frustration at slow acknowledgment
- •IOC and NCAA/college sports: huge revenues, minimal athlete compensation; doping/‘Icarus’ scandal recap
- 36:18 – 53:47
Standup stops overnight: touring cancellations and the economic domino effect
They unpack how quickly live comedy vanished, from ‘a little sketchy’ arenas to full shutdown. The talk widens to unemployment surges, small business cashflow collapse, and the downstream impact on club staff and service workers.
- •Last pre-shutdown shows in Vegas; realization it may be ‘the last big show’ for a while
- •Clubs and venues canceling based on shifting gathering mandates
- •Unemployment claims explosion and fear of a long shutdown (months)
- •Servers, cooks, and club staff hit hardest—comics can sometimes buffer, staff can’t
- 53:47 – 59:31
The ‘big-dick link’ meme becomes charity: merch, rights, and internet whiplash
Tom reveals a ‘breaking story’ about the viral prank image of a nude model used in bait-and-switch links. He tracks down the photographer and the model’s family/fiancée to send proceeds from a ‘Wash your hands’ shirt to them.
- •Explanation of the prank link that redirects to the nude image
- •Tom contacts the photographer and the model’s fiancée/family
- •He launches charity merch and plans to boost the GoFundMe for funeral costs
- •They debate whether the image was photoshopped and go hunting for the ‘original’ online
- 59:31 – 1:04:57
Porn economics, OnlyFans, Tiger King, and the culture of chaos content
A tangent blooms from the meme into the sheer scale of porn production and fan obsession. Then they jump to early quarantine viewing habits, including Tiger King, and how extreme stories become mass entertainment.
- •How much porn exists and why ‘new porn’ keeps being made
- •OnlyFans, adult expos, and the types of superfans who attend them
- •Tiger King reactions: injuries, ego, and the show’s absurd character moments
- •Quarantine drives consumption: streaming/podcasts spike while people stay home
- 1:04:57 – 1:11:52
Conspiracy culture: flat-Earth ‘Rocket Man,’ Tom Hanks accusations, and online mobs
They use social media as a lens for modern paranoia—how fringe beliefs find audiences and escalate. Joe plays the flat-Earth rocket death clip, and Tom describes seeing waves of conspiracy accusations in Tom Hanks’ Instagram comments.
- •Echo chambers and ‘hot take’ addiction on social platforms
- •Flat-Earth ‘Rocket Man’ launch/parachute failure and the grim media packaging around it
- •Tom Hanks targeted by ‘Hollywood pedophile ring’ conspiracies online
- •Chet Hanks trolling conspiracy theorists and the strange life of viral narratives
- 1:11:52 – 1:22:08
Booze vs. longevity: Bert, Joey Diaz stories, and cautionary author examples
They talk about destructive lifestyles in comedy circles and how ‘high functioning’ can mask real risk. Joe compares heavy drinking to cannabis longevity, then cites Hunter S. Thompson and Bukowski as examples of talent paired with self-destruction.
- •Bert Kreischer: pressure meds, drinking habits, and the ‘party animal’ persona trap
- •Joey Diaz anecdote: massive THC dose and chaotic home life humor
- •Hunter S. Thompson’s decline and how booze erodes clarity over decades
- •Bukowski’s brilliant writing vs. violent/ugly behavior and the romanticized ‘boozy artist’ myth
- 1:22:08 – 1:43:19
Carnivore dieting, astonishing diarrhea, sugar cravings, and family fart comedy
They circle back to food and health with diet war stories, including the carnivore diet’s digestive side effects. The tone stays comedic as they connect diet, cravings, and the realities of parenting two little boys who think farts are hilarious.
- •Carnivore diet results: weight loss but ‘astonishing’ diarrhea during adaptation
- •Sugar as the real trigger for weight regain and cravings
- •Food comas vs. meat-only clarity (lasagna brain shutdown)
- •Parenting humor: kids learning insults, fart shame, and family dynamics
- 1:43:19 – 2:05:04
Spanish-language standup backlash and why reading comments rots your brain
Tom explains his Netflix deal (English + Spanish special) and the practical work of building Spanish material. They laugh at angry fan messages, then broaden into why it’s healthier to post-and-walk-away from comment sections.
- •Tom’s approach: new Spanish material + some translation, plus a tutor for grammar polish
- •Fan confusion/anger: ‘Why no English show?’ and refund demands despite clear labeling
- •Joe’s strategy: don’t read comments; avoid engagement traps
- •Celebrity social media cringe: the ‘Imagine’ singalong and performative virtue signaling
- 2:05:04 – 2:41:11
COVID realities: tests, China/pangolins, anti-vax arguments, and bizarre human cultures
They return to the pandemic’s uncertainty—who gets tested, why symptoms vary, and what changes permanently. The discussion expands to wildlife trafficking (pangolins), China’s lockdown power, anti-vax attitudes, and ends with darkly comic anthropology about isolated tribes.
- •Why testing access seems unequal and how asymptomatic spread complicates control
- •Pangolins, wildlife trafficking, and traditional-medicine myths vs. status signaling
- •Anti-vax arguments in the face of a new vaccine need; authoritarian vs. voluntary compliance debates
- •Uncontacted tribes (North Sentinel Island) and Papua New Guinea stories (semen-warrior ritual, prion disease/cannibalism)
