Joe Rogan Experience #1447 - Tom Segura

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   Hey, ball hog. …

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:00

      Hey, ball hog.

   2. TSTom Segura0:01

      Hey, buddy.

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:02

      (laughs)

   4. TSTom Segura0:02

      (laughs)

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:02

      What's going on?

   6. TSTom Segura0:05

      (sighs)

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:06

      Dude, you know what I had today?

   8. TSTom Segura0:07

      Hmm?

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:08

      Duck eggs.

   10. TSTom Segura0:09

       Duck eggs?

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:09

       You don't need 'em.

   12. TSTom Segura0:10

       No?

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:10

       You don't need 'em in your life.

   14. TSTom Segura0:12

       No good?

   15. JRJoe Rogan0:12

       There's a reason why they sell chicken eggs-

   16. TSTom Segura0:14

       And not duck eggs?

   17. JRJoe Rogan0:14

       ... they tricked me.

   18. TSTom Segura0:16

       Where'd you-

   19. JRJoe Rogan0:16

       I'm like, "Oh, duck eggs."

   20. TSTom Segura0:17

       Where did you get duck eggs?

   21. JRJoe Rogan0:18

       Erewhon.

   22. TSTom Segura0:19

       Oh, yeah, I go to Erewhon.

   23. JRJoe Rogan0:20

       Yeah. I'm like, "Oh, duck eggs."

   24. TSTom Segura0:22

       And taste notably shitty?

   25. JRJoe Rogan0:24

       Ugh.

   26. TSTom Segura0:24

       Really?

   27. JRJoe Rogan0:25

       Yeah, like gooey. Like, it sticks to the roof of your mouth.

   28. TSTom Segura0:28

       Is it smaller, too, or is it-

   29. JRJoe Rogan0:29

       No, they're bigger. They're big.

   30. TSTom Segura0:31

       They're bigger?
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   (laughs) …

   1. JRJoe Rogan15:01

   2. TSTom Segura15:01

      (laughs)

   3. JRJoe Rogan15:01

      He doesn't know what to do.

   4. TSTom Segura15:02

      Right.

   5. JRJoe Rogan15:02

      See, the thing is, Conor is much smaller than him.

   6. TSTom Segura15:05

      Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan15:05

      But he doesn't know what to do. See, like, he... He just hit Conor in the stomach there, and he just doesn't know what to do.

   8. TSTom Segura15:11

      Yeah.

   9. JRJoe Rogan15:11

      Look at that, jumping front kick to the body, and then pushed him away. See, he's trying to grab him, but he doesn't know what to do and Conor just keeps moving. And Conor's in great shape, and that big fuck has never done cardio in his life.

   10. TSTom Segura15:23

       (laughs) Right.

   11. JRJoe Rogan15:23

       All that guy does is do squats and deadlifts and just gets huge.

   12. TSTom Segura15:27

       Yeah.

   13. JRJoe Rogan15:27

       So his, his heart is probably right now pounding out of his chest.

   14. TSTom Segura15:30

       That fucker played basketball before.

   15. JRJoe Rogan15:32

       Wow.

   16. TSTom Segura15:32

       He was... Oh, he was really skinny. Yeah, he was really, really skinny.

   17. JRJoe Rogan15:35

       Crazy.

   18. TSTom Segura15:35

       Yeah.

   19. JRJoe Rogan15:35

       Look, see now, now Conor's starting to punch him. He's starting to punch him in the stomach, and the dude's trying to grab him, and he tries to, to hit Con... See, now he's taking a break and look, you see his stomach heaving?

   20. TSTom Segura15:45

       Yep, yep.

   21. JRJoe Rogan15:45

       He doesn't know what to do.

   22. TSTom Segura15:47

       Yeah.

   23. JRJoe Rogan15:48

       He doesn't know how to get outta this 'cause they're, they're fucking around. He doesn't know how to get outta this. He tries to grab him, but Conor's like, "No, I'm just gonna move. You go ahead." (laughs)

   24. TSTom Segura15:55

       And just... Yeah, he's, he's gassing him out, too.

   25. JRJoe Rogan15:57

       Yeah.

   26. TSTom Segura15:57

       Yeah.

   27. JRJoe Rogan15:57

       Exactly. And then he's... Like, he's nodding.

   28. TSTom Segura15:59

       (laughs)

   29. JRJoe Rogan15:59

       He's like, "Come on, big boy."

   30. TSTom Segura16:01

       Ugh.
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   Mm-hmm. Sounds right. …

   1. JRJoe Rogan30:00

      bout with coronavirus ... I think he's from Africa. Is that where he's from?

   2. NANarrator30:02

      Mm-hmm. Sounds right.

   3. JRJoe Rogan30:04

      Maybe it's a British story.

   4. TSTom Segura30:07

      I think you're right. Mm.

   5. JRJoe Rogan30:09

      (laughs) Retired South African Olympic swimmer details his struggle with coronavirus. I mean, this guy is, uh, super healthy-

   6. TSTom Segura30:16

      Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan30:16

      ... really, really fit. He says, uh, he doesn't smoke, uh, lives a healthy lifestyle, and he's young. He's in the, the least risk demographic. Crazy, incredible.

   8. TSTom Segura30:28

      So you can't really predict how this will go. Can you?

   9. JRJoe Rogan30:31

      He said, "Although the most severe symptoms, extreme fever, have eased, I'm still struggling with serious fatigue and a residual cough that I can't shake. Any physical activity like walking leaves me exhausted for hours."This is crazy. He's 31 and he's a stud.

   10. TSTom Segura30:47

       Yeah.

   11. JRJoe Rogan30:47

       I mean, you look at that guy.

   12. TSTom Segura30:48

       Olympian.

   13. JRJoe Rogan30:48

       Yeah. Olympic swimmer. Right? I mean, talk about cardiovascular shape. They're some of the, the most powerful cardiovascular fit people on earth. In- incredible. He said he's been struggling with it for 14 days.

   14. TSTom Segura31:04

       Jesus Christ.

   15. JRJoe Rogan31:05

       Amazing.

   16. TSTom Segura31:05

       By far the worst virus I've ever had.

   17. JRJoe Rogan31:08

       Yeah.

   18. TSTom Segura31:08

       Ugh.

   19. JRJoe Rogan31:10

       Says, "Any physical activity like walking leaves me exhausted for hours. The loss in body conditioning has been immense and can only feel for athletes that contract COVID-19 as they will suffer a great loss of current conditioning through the last training cycle." It's funny how he's thinking about it. "Infection closer to competition being the worst." Yeah. Isn't it funny how he's thinking about it in terms of conditioning cycles?

   20. TSTom Segura31:32

       Of course.

   21. JRJoe Rogan31:33

       Like that's, that's how Olympians think.

   22. TSTom Segura31:34

       Yeah.

   23. JRJoe Rogan31:35

       (clears throat)

   24. TSTom Segura31:35

       Did you see how, I mean, they just agreed to postpone.

   25. JRJoe Rogan31:38

       Yeah.

   26. TSTom Segura31:38

       But even like two days ago-

   27. JRJoe Rogan31:40

       Uh, duh. Yeah.

   28. TSTom Segura31:40

       ... Tokyo was like, "We're not fu-..."

   29. JRJoe Rogan31:42

       Uh, duh.

   30. TSTom Segura31:42

       "Don't even think about it."
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   I would imagine it's…

   1. TSTom Segura45:00

      I'm not really sure. I don't know. It's, I mean, for sure-

   2. JRJoe Rogan45:04

      I would imagine it's gotta be something like that.

   3. TSTom Segura45:05

      ... like, 40 million people that were working, probably, at least, aren't, are not working right now, that were working.

   4. JRJoe Rogan45:12

      And this is worldwide.

   5. TSTom Segura45:14

      Oh, th- that number's way fucking higher.

   6. JRJoe Rogan45:16

      Yeah, I mean, just in this country, but worldwide.

   7. TSTom Segura45:19

      Yeah.

   8. JRJoe Rogan45:19

      It's like half the population.

   9. TSTom Segura45:20

      And some places are really ... Like, we are not at a real lockdown. Some places have really locked down.

   10. JRJoe Rogan45:25

       Yeah, we were talking about that before the podcast.

   11. TSTom Segura45:27

       Yeah.

   12. JRJoe Rogan45:28

       Yeah. Did you see the Italian mayors screaming at everybody, "Stay the fuck home."

   13. TSTom Segura45:32

       No.

   14. JRJoe Rogan45:33

       "How do you imagine?" (laughs)

   15. TSTom Segura45:34

       (laughs)

   16. JRJoe Rogan45:34

       They're fucking ... Yeah, there's a video compilation here.

   17. TSTom Segura45:37

       Yeah.

   18. JRJoe Rogan45:37

       I'll send it to Jamie. It's, it's actually pretty funny. There's a, a video compilation of all these Italian mayors fucking screaming at people to stay the fuck home.

   19. TSTom Segura45:44

       My cousin, um, in Peru said you can't walk your dog in, in Lima right now.

   20. JRJoe Rogan45:49

       So where does your dog shit?

   21. TSTom Segura45:50

       I guess in the house or something, I don't know.

   22. JRJoe Rogan45:51

       Congratulations. If Marshall had to shit in the house, we'd have a real issue.

   23. TSTom Segura45:54

       (laughs) They-

   24. JRJoe Rogan45:55

       First of all, he'd be so confused. He'd be like, "Are you sure?"

   25. TSTom Segura45:58

       "You want me to start doing this?"

   26. JRJoe Rogan45:59

       I'd be like, "Dude, trust me. Just shit right there."

   27. TSTom Segura46:02

       Does it?

   28. NANarrator46:03

       Italian.

   29. JRJoe Rogan46:03

       Oh, you got it?

   30. NANarrator46:06

       Italian.
5. 1:00:00 – 1:07:27

   No one. …

   1. TSTom Segura1:00:00

      mean-

   2. JRJoe Rogan1:00:00

      No one.

   3. TSTom Segura1:00:00

      It has to be some people's world, though, where they're just, like, so...

   4. JRJoe Rogan1:00:04

      Yeah. Well, some guys get obsessed with a girl.

   5. TSTom Segura1:00:07

      Yeah.

   6. JRJoe Rogan1:00:07

      You know, and then they want... "When, when are you coming out with new content?"

   7. TSTom Segura1:00:10

      Yeah.

   8. JRJoe Rogan1:00:11

      You know?

   9. TSTom Segura1:00:11

      And they go to those, uh-

   10. JRJoe Rogan1:00:12

       OnlyFans.

   11. TSTom Segura1:00:12

       ... the meetups, you know? The, the-

   12. JRJoe Rogan1:00:14

       Oh, yes.

   13. NANarrator1:00:14

       Yes.

   14. TSTom Segura1:00:14

       You see the billboards in LA.

   15. JRJoe Rogan1:00:16

       Yeah.

   16. TSTom Segura1:00:16

       Adultcom.

   17. JRJoe Rogan1:00:17

       Expos.

   18. TSTom Segura1:00:17

       Yeah, yeah, yeah.

   19. JRJoe Rogan1:00:18

       Yeah, yeah. Whoa.

   20. TSTom Segura1:00:19

       And they, they always show-

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:00:21

       Whoa.

   22. TSTom Segura1:00:21

       ... like, footage where there's like... with the hot chicks and then the guys

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:00:24

       That's where the next coronavirus is coming from, those guys.

   24. TSTom Segura1:00:26

       Those guys.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:00:27

       The sweaty handed dudes.

   26. TSTom Segura1:00:28

       All those guys look like they're in fucking Tiger King. That-

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:00:31

       Yeah.

   28. TSTom Segura1:00:31

       You've seen that Netflix series?

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:00:33

       Yes.

   30. TSTom Segura1:00:33

       Yeah.

Episode duration: 2:41:11