By playing, you agree to uListen's Terms and Privacy Policy and YouTube's Terms of Service.
Lewis HowesDr Joe Dispenza on LOVE & Relationships “This Keeps 99% of People Single” (DO THIS TO FIND LOVE)
Summaries, chapters, transcripts, and FAQs on this page are made by uListen, not YouTube.
Great conversations run long. Their best ideas don't have to.
uListen is free on iPhone, iPad, Android, Chrome, and Claude.
See howCHAPTERS
Jump to publisher timestampsChapter summaries
Why a Part of Us Must Die to Find Love
Lewis Howes frames the conversation around self-love and why it matters for relationships, then asks why people struggle to love themselves. Dr. Joe Dispenza says that at our core we are pure love and that anything in us that is not love must die.
- •Dispenza says people who love themselves naturally love others, and people who hate themselves will hate others
- •Anything that is not love in us must die, which he calls the difference between knowing the path and walking it
- •Howes says the earlier interview on love and self-love drew over 10 million views
Survival Mode and Seeing Others Through Memory
Dispenza explains that fear, pain and anger are a separation from love rather than its opposite, and that survival mode shuts down creating, communicating and learning. He says we see people through the memory we hold of them, and asks what love would do in a relationship.
- •Fear, suffering and hatred are described as separation from love, not its opposite
- •In survival, a person is self-involved and it is not a time to create, communicate or cooperate
- •We see people based on our memory of them, not as they are
- •Where you place attention is where you place energy, so strong emotion toward an ex gives your power away
Lowering the Volume on Resentment: How Forgiveness Works
Dispenza describes the meditation choice between going down the rabbit hole of resentment or asking "Is this loving to me?" Lowering the emotion takes attention off the person, which he says is forgiveness, and Howes asks why people hold on to resentment.
- •Ask "Is this loving to me?" when resentment arises, because justified or not it only affects you
- •Regulating the emotion and taking attention off the person is taking your power back
- •Dispenza says people hold on because they fear it will happen again and stay on the lookout for cues
- •Someone living in resentment is making themselves unhappy, and sending an ex to the moon would not change that
Oxytocin, Self-Love, and Making Yourself Happy
Dispenza describes oxytocin levels measured in people who do this work, sometimes around 200 times above normal, and says a person who makes themselves happy relates to others unconditionally. He distinguishes pleasure from love and says showing up for yourself builds worthiness.
- •Oxytocin in these participants is sometimes 200 times above normal, and he says it is impossible to hold a grudge when it rises
- •People who make themselves happy are attractive because they want nothing in return and are present
- •Pleasure is not the same as love; love comes from overcoming yourself and not giving up
- •The overcoming process is the becoming process
What Successful Long-Term Couples Do: Forgive and Overcome the Emotion
Howes asks what people in successful long-term relationships do well, and Dispenza answers "Forgive." He says withholding love brings pain, and that overcoming the emotion ends the story and leaves wisdom.
- •Dispenza says if you can't forgive, you'll never have love
- •He says living by an emotion keeps people in cycles, which he calls karma
- •He never asks people to tell their story; he asks them to overcome the emotion
- •He says analyzing life inside a disturbing emotion makes the brain worse, and the answer lies in the present moment, not the known past
Attracting From Neediness vs. Wholeness
Howes asks what we attract when we enter relationships from survival, stress or lack of worthiness. Dispenza says we are conditioned to think love comes from outside, and that someone who finds it independently is free and helps others move out of survival.
- •Relying on the outer world to change your inner world puts you at effect, not at cause
- •A person who has made the change has compassion for others and does not judge them
- •People who heal say it was not the meditation but that they changed
- •You don't try to forgive; you don't want to lose the good feeling, so you take your attention off the person
Heart Coherence Data and the Love Attack
Dispenza shares data from people wearing heart monitors at events, including a woman who had an hour of heart coherence outside meditation, which he calls a spontaneous love attack. He describes gamma brainwaves, high regulation and reported healings.
- •Dispenza says people feel with every part of the body but the heart and should practice feeling with it
- •Monitors show heart coherence sustained for 45 minutes in meditation and an hour afterward in one woman
- •He compares the body conditioned to anxiety with a body conditioned to love
- •He reports blood changes and healings in people who connect to this state, and says the experience is electric, not chemical
Signal and Magnet: Creating From the Field
Howes asks how the signal from the brain and the magnet of the heart work, including for someone ready for love. Dispenza contrasts creating matter to matter, which takes time, with creating from the field through a coherent brain and a coherent heart.
- •Creating from lack means the gap between thought and experience is called time
- •Dispenza says an atom is 99.99999% energy and information
- •A coherent brain sends the electrical signal of intention, and the heart's magnetic field draws the future
- •When energy matches a potential, synchronicities appear, and it is none of your business how or when
Worthiness, Showing Up, and Feeling the Future First
Dispenza says that showing up for yourself shows you believe you are a creator, and that people living in fear most of the day will not attract love. He says to feel the emotion of your future before it happens and not give up if it doesn't come in two weeks.
- •Showing up daily is an investment in your future and a sign of belief
- •If you spend three quarters of the day in fear, you are not feeling the feeling of love
- •No one will make you happy until you make yourself happy
- •In the quantum you must feel it to experience it, and the experiment continues past two weeks
- •Brain and heart coherence is compared to a Wi-Fi signal
The Overcoming Process and the Future Self
Howes recommends the website and retreat and suggests a nightly inventory of love versus anger. Dispenza describes the overcoming process as the becoming process, including a woman abused as a child whose heart opened, and says it is not wealth or health but who you become.
- •Do an inventory of how much time you spent in love, peace and gratitude versus anger, resentment or lack
- •Self-forgiveness means asking what you learned and not wanting to end up in the same place
- •People often distract themselves with phones instead of sitting through the fire
- •A future self already exists, and the healing is a consequence of overcoming
What Would Love Do? Mission, Community, and Surrender
Howes asks Dispenza how he answers the question he poses at retreats. Dispenza speaks of being the example, making a difference, receiving gratitude, and surrendering to love, and ends on the body being conditioned to be the mind.
- •He describes himself as mission-driven and says love means being the example of what he teaches
- •He says receiving gratitude is the greatest gratitude and describes witnessing healings
- •Each mystical experience led him to think there could be no more love until the next one
- •Surrendering to love every day is a mystery, but the unknown has never let him down
- •He says the body conditioned to be the mind is 95% of who we are by midlife
