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Lewis HowesRACHEL HOLLIS: HOW TO BUILD CONFIDENCE, BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND BECOME YOUR BEST SELF
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Chapter summaries
Dreams that don’t “make sense” and modeling adulthood for your kids
Rachel Hollis opens with the idea that people are allowed to have dreams even when others don’t understand them. She frames pursuing personal hopes and desires as something children learn from in real time. The exchange tees up the larger theme of identity beyond roles like “mom.”
- •You’re allowed to have a dream and chase it even if others don’t get it
- •Pursuing your hopes and desires models adulthood and womanhood for kids
- •Kids grow up, raising the question of what comes next for parents
From years of quiet effort to a breakout book and fast-growing audience
Lewis Howes introduces Rachel and highlights the contrast between her earlier books and the explosive success of "Girl, Wash Your Face." They compare past sales to the current milestone and note how quickly her platform grew. Rachel emphasizes she didn’t even have a reference point for this kind of success.
- •Lewis notes Rachel had written multiple books before the breakthrough
- •Sales comparisons: earlier books vs. "Girl, Wash Your Face" hitting a million copies quickly
- •Follower growth discussed across Instagram and Facebook
- •Rachel shares she didn’t know to dream this level of success
The bikini photo that went viral—and why authenticity changed everything
Rachel tells the story of posting a bikini photo showing her stretch marks and how it unexpectedly went viral. She describes the overwhelming media attention and how other women responded by sharing their own photos. The experience taught her the power of being herself and became a turning point from food blogging to a broader message.
- •Photo origin: vacation after running the LA Marathon and deciding to post despite stretch marks
- •The post rapidly escalated from dozens of likes to massive visibility
- •Women responded by sharing their own stretch marks and stories
- •Rachel realized vulnerability and authenticity resonated more than “pretty” content
- •She links the book’s tone to that initial moment of openness
Finding the message: Ethiopia, a pivotal question, and the birth of the title
Rachel explains how she was still focused on fiction when a conversation on a trip to Ethiopia shifted her direction. She recounts being asked what she would tell women if she could say anything, and how the phrase “Girl, wash your face” emerged. She wrote the first chapter on the flight home and dedicated the book to the person who sparked it.
- •Rachel describes her background across fiction, blogging, and cookbooks
- •A nonfiction-focused challenge reframed her next book idea
- •The core impulse: stop outsourcing your life to strangers and take responsibility
- •The phrase “Girl, wash your face” becomes the book title and first chapter begins immediately
- •She shares the significance of leadership that supports others without scarcity
Slow start, word of mouth, and the emotional roller coaster of the New York Times list
Rachel pushes back on the “overnight success” narrative and explains the book didn’t explode instantly. She credits word of mouth and her community for driving momentum without a big marketing budget. She also shares the heartbreak of missing the list initially and the later moment when she finally made it—weeks after launch.
- •Rachel emphasizes years of reinvestment and building with little money or attention
- •She says the book’s growth was driven by word of mouth and community sharing
- •She describes wanting the list badly, then crying when she didn’t hit it the first week
- •She reframes failure as practice for what she teaches other women
- •She eventually makes the list later and reflects on validation vs. becoming “good enough yet”
Moms and ambition: reclaiming identity beyond caregiving
Lewis asks what Rachel says to overwhelmed moms who feel like their dreams are impossible. Rachel insists moms are allowed to have dreams that don’t revolve around their children and that the persistent “what if” is worth listening to. She describes how many women feel they’ve lost themselves and challenges them to reconnect with what they loved before their roles took over.
- •Rachel says moms can be great parents and still pursue “more”
- •The recurring “what if” is framed as potential knocking at the door
- •She asks women to remember who they were before being a mom or partner
- •She challenges the belief that hobbies only matter if they make money
- •She describes cultural conditioning that ties women’s value to serving others and being perceived well
People-pleasing, playing small, and anxiety as a symptom
Rachel traces anxiety to the pressure of other people’s expectations and the habit of minimizing her own ambitions. She shares how she downplayed running a substantial business to avoid making others uncomfortable. In her view, trying to live in two identities—who you are vs. who you think you must be—creates anxiety that eventually demands attention.
- •Rachel describes traditional expectations in her background and marriage context
- •She explains how support disappeared once her family no longer “needed” her income
- •She admits she hid the scale of her work and called it “just a blog”
- •She links anxiety to trying to please others and living a double life
- •She describes therapy and inner work as part of stepping into “this is who I am” without seeking approval
Breaking the pattern: therapy, daily intention, and Unleash the Power Within
Rachel recounts severe anxiety and vertigo while still performing well outwardly, and how she sought therapy rather than immediately turning to medication due to personal fears. Lewis shares how morning intention helps him avoid reactive defensiveness. Rachel then names a major turning point: attending Tony Robbins’ event, which helped her connect people-pleasing to childhood dynamics.
- •Rachel describes being physically fit but mentally overwhelmed and work-driven
- •She shares fear around medication because of family experiences with prescription pill abuse
- •Therapy and reading helped her anxiety; she recognized people-pleasing as a trigger
- •Lewis discusses setting intentions to reduce reactivity to judgment or conflict
- •Rachel says attending UPW was life-changing and surfaced key insights about parental approval patterns
Not pleasing for the first time: personal growth, marriage tension, and a spouse joining in later
After returning from the event “on fire,” Rachel describes continuing her new habits even though her husband initially disliked them. She frames it as the first time she prioritized her own change over someone else’s comfort. Months later, he became curious and wanted to attend too, which Rachel says ultimately shifted their relationship.
- •Rachel describes her husband’s skepticism and discomfort with her new growth mindset
- •She continues anyway, emphasizing it’s about how she feels about changing
- •She interprets a partner’s resistance as fear of change and fear of being needed less
- •Her husband later chooses to participate, and they attend together
- •Rachel says that season helped shape their passion for live events and transformation
The hard conversation that prevented a breakup—and the work that followed
Rachel shares a detailed account of confronting her husband about the trajectory of their relationship. She describes his unhappiness, coping behaviors, and her fear of hurting him or being debated into submission. She ultimately communicates that if she kept growing and he stayed stagnant, they wouldn’t remain together, which became a wake-up call and led to therapy and shared growth.
- •Rachel describes long avoidance due to fear of conflict and fear of hurting him
- •She recounts a difficult family vacation that catalyzed the conversation
- •She explains the core message: growth mismatch would lead to separation over time
- •She notes many partners want to be the “hero,” making the message painful but motivating
- •He becomes receptive: therapy, personal work, and attending events together
Working together: stepping down as CEO, ego, and division of strengths
Lewis and Rachel discuss her husband leaving his job and joining her business, and the identity shifts that came with it. Rachel explains she stepped down as CEO so he could take the role, and admits the decision challenged her ego. She also clarifies she’s more aligned with the creative work than executive operations, and wrestled with fears about who would get credit.
- •Rachel says her husband became CEO and she stepped down from the role
- •She explains the tension of being both the face and the operator of the company
- •A friend prompts her to list what she likes doing, revealing she prefers creative work over CEO duties
- •She admits struggling with pride and fear her husband would receive credit for her years of work
- •They frame the choice as prioritizing a successful company over external validation
Ego, recognition, and gendered dynamics in visibility and opportunity
Rachel opens up about feeling “lumped in” with her husband and how that threatened her sense of earned identity. She shares moments that stung—like people asking him to sign her book and invitations that went to him instead of her. She describes choosing a healthier response than past passive-aggressive habits, using the discomfort as “self-therapy.”
- •Rachel struggles with being introduced as a pair rather than as an individual
- •She describes frustration when people ask her husband to sign a book he didn’t write
- •She recounts feeling excluded when an invitation was extended to her husband instead of her
- •She contrasts old behavior (shutdown, manipulation) with choosing to support him despite tears
- •She emphasizes wanting community and connection with peers, not just acknowledgment
Handling rapid growth without resentment: boundaries, overwhelm, and returning to “why”
Rachel describes the challenge of continuing to show up for people without becoming overwhelmed by constant access demands. She shares examples like being approached in public while parenting and receiving heavy personal disclosures. To avoid resentment, she says she keeps returning to her deeper purpose: growth and helping women access the tools to become better versions of themselves.
- •Rachel identifies her next big challenge as managing attention and access
- •She describes conflicting instincts: hide vs. stay present and keep doing the work
- •She notes the energy cost when strangers share deep personal stories in public settings
- •She returns to the “why” of growth and mission rather than metrics or lists
- •She says even if future work reaches fewer people, impact on those people still fulfills her mission
“How?” and the next project: goals, shame-free ambition, and not letting ‘cheap seats’ decide
Lewis asks what comes after believing in your worth and dreams, and Rachel answers with the most common follow-up question: how to do it. She introduces her next book, focusing on pursuing goals without apologizing. She explains her approach of working backward from goals, breaking them into manageable steps, and refusing to let other people’s opinions outweigh the cost of regret.
- •Rachel says the biggest question is “how” to pursue goals once you believe you’re allowed to
- •She introduces her next book title and its focus on shame-free goal achievement
- •She describes working backward from goals and breaking them into bite-sized steps
- •She calls out guilt, especially in moms, when pursuing personal goals shifts family responsibilities
- •She quotes the idea of not letting someone in the “cheap seats” have an expensive opinion in your life
Where to follow, events and daily lives—and “three truths” to close
They briefly cover Rachel’s podcasts, her events, and how audience requests shape what she creates. Rachel also discusses adapting to what works in social media and the idea that learning is available through free information. In the closing segment, she shares her “three truths,” emphasizing control over your life, the power of consistent work, and permission to pursue dreams that make you come alive, then defines greatness as getting a little better every day.
- •Rachel describes creating content and products based on repeated audience questions
- •They mention events and where to find updates and her preferred platforms
- •Rachel and Lewis discuss adapting to shifting social platforms and learning via free resources
- •Rachel’s “three truths”: you are in control; she is not special and just kept working; you’re allowed to pursue dreams that make you come alive
- •Rachel defines greatness as being a little bit better every day
