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Lewis HowesStop Saying "Hope." It's Quietly Blocking Everything You Want (Here's What to Say Instead) | Jo Koy
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CHAPTERS
- 0:00 – 1:44
Rejecting “hope”: owning outcomes through talent and effort
Jo Koy explains why he avoids saying “hope” or “hopefully,” arguing that the word implies relying on something other than your own ability. Lewis Howes presses him on confidence, setting up a conversation about insecurity versus stage presence.
- •Jo Koy says he never uses “hope” or “hopefully” because it feels like asking for something beyond your own talent
- •Lewis Howes asks where Jo Koy’s confidence comes from
- •Jo Koy hints that despite success, he used to be deeply insecure
- •The conversation frames a theme of personal responsibility and ownership
- 1:44 – 4:37
Early certainty: knowing he was funny and using humor to adapt
Jo Koy describes realizing he was funny as early as age five or six, reinforced by family reactions. Frequent military moves didn’t discourage him; he saw each new school as a chance to be “the funny guy.”
- •Jo Koy recalls knowing he was funny as a small child and getting laughs at family gatherings
- •Frequent relocations helped him build confidence in making new friends through humor
- •He describes moving from the Philippines to Tacoma and feeling excitement replace sadness
- •By junior high he was consistently labeled the class clown
- 4:37 – 8:31
Bombing, addiction to the craft, and why failure is a win
Jo Koy talks about bombing early on and how comics learn audiences through trial and error. He defines real failure as not trying, and says accepting a challenge—even if you fail—means you still “won.”
- •Jo Koy says bombing is part of learning the audience and proving how much you love stand-up
- •He describes an “addiction” to stand-up, even seeking open mics after arena shows
- •He rejects the idea that he ever “lost the gift” for stand-up
- •He reframes failure: not trying is failure, trying and failing is still winning
- 8:31 – 12:31
First big breaks in Vegas—and the reality of momentum stopping
Jo Koy recounts early career milestones like getting a week opening at Catch a Rising Star and believing he’d made it. He explains how progress came in bursts followed by long stretches where nothing happened, describing comedy as a rough road.
- •Jo Koy started stand-up in 1989 and explains there wasn’t an open-mic comedy scene in Vegas then
- •He got booked to open a week at Catch a Rising Star and thought fame was imminent
- •He recalls earning $80 per show and feeling validated by the paycheck
- •Despite wins like Showtime at the Apollo and other bookings, he says momentum often stalled afterward
- 12:31 – 22:23
Sneaking onto BET’s Comic View: suit, fake resume, and a five-minute chance
Jo Koy tells the detailed story of chasing BET’s Comic View while working as a Mirage tour guide. He shows up overdressed with a homemade resume and headshot, asks to warm up the crowd, and gets unexpectedly called up when comics are late.
- •Jo Koy leaves work early, rushes into a suit, and arrives with a homemade resume and headshot
- •He approaches a security guard and asks to speak to the promoter about doing warm-up
- •Promoter Yvette Anderson lets him in and keeps his resume for future consideration
- •When the booked comics are late, Jo Koy gets asked to go up and insists they record it
- •He says he got a standing ovation, leading to a booked spot the following week
- 22:23 – 26:25
Def Comedy Jam under worst conditions—and the chain reaction to the Apollo win
Jo Koy describes being offered a difficult pre-show spot behind a curtain while the room was still being seated. He performs anyway, gets a standing ovation, and that performance directly leads to an invitation to do Showtime at the Apollo, which he says he won.
- •Jo Koy is told to perform before the show starts with limited stage presentation and strict instructions
- •He nearly quits but a stage manager helps by dimming the house lights
- •He goes out through the curtain, performs about 10 minutes, and gets a standing ovation
- •Host Rudy Rush reacts strongly and connects Jo Koy to Apollo producers
- •Jo Koy says he flew to New York weeks later and won Showtime at the Apollo with the same routine
- 26:25 – 30:00
Always saying yes: humility, motivation, and respecting the producer’s show
Lewis Howes highlights Jo Koy’s pattern of creating opportunities by showing up and accepting imperfect conditions. Jo Koy explains he’s driven by desire, views saying no as stepping backward, and avoids entitlement because the show belongs to the producer.
- •Jo Koy says he feels compelled to get on stage and keep moving forward even one step at a time
- •He argues many people would quit or complain, but he chooses to accept the conditions
- •He emphasizes it’s the producer’s show and the producer has invested in the production
- •He says he doesn’t get offended—he gets motivated—and returns to his ‘fail forward’ mindset
- 30:00 – 32:12
Insecurity and childhood trauma: teeth, health, divorce, and a volatile home
Jo Koy opens up about personal insecurities and how stand-up became his confidence source. He connects his anxiety to childhood experiences including his parents’ divorce and a difficult home environment involving his brother’s struggles.
- •Jo Koy details long-term insecurity about damaged teeth, hair loss, and severe sleep apnea
- •He says stand-up was the main place he felt confident and powerful
- •He describes a traumatic childhood shaped by his parents’ divorce and instability at home
- •He references his brother’s mental disability and repeated crisis moments involving police
- 32:12 – 37:46
Racism in comedy and entertainment: being “programmed” and limited opportunities
Jo Koy explains how media portrayals and industry gatekeeping shaped what he thought audiences wanted. He describes segregated booking dynamics in comedy clubs and the pressure on comics of color to accept narrow opportunities.
- •Jo Koy describes absorbing racist depictions in cartoons and sitcoms and initially mirroring them in early stand-up
- •He discusses how roles for Asian performers often required accents, even when inaccurate
- •He explains comedy club dynamics where prime paid slots were described as “white night”
- •He says opportunities were slim, which is why he felt he had to say yes even when treated unfairly
- •He describes the growth of Fat Tuesdays as a Tuesday-night challenge that became hugely successful
- 37:46 – 46:01
Grinding logistics: broken taillights, long drives, Greyhounds, and unpaid auditions
Jo Koy shares the physical grind behind chasing stage time, including driving between Vegas and LA under rough conditions. He recounts taking the Greyhound after losing his ID and even doing unpaid auditions just to get in the door.
- •Jo Koy describes driving from Vegas to LA for small sets because weekend spots were hard to get
- •He recalls getting tickets for a broken taillight and still not earning much from the shows
- •He tells a story of taking a Greyhound back to Vegas after losing his ID
- •He notes he sometimes didn’t get paid at all because he was auditioning
- •Lewis Howes frames this as extreme commitment and self-created opportunity
- 46:01 – 51:15
Studying stand-up like a craft—and why you can’t be taught someone else’s voice
Jo Koy says he would tell his younger self to keep watching specials, describing himself as a serious student of the art. He explains analyzing timing, structure, and cadence, while insisting that no class can teach a person’s unique comedic identity.
- •Jo Koy describes watching specials to study the art, not just to laugh
- •He recalls a Comedy Central New Year’s marathon where he watched all day and took notes
- •He says he tracked things like applause breaks, pacing, and structure
- •He argues stand-up is about finding your voice and that a class can’t teach someone’s essence
- •He compares it to acting, saying you can’t teach someone to be a specific performer
- 51:15 – 56:46
Why stand-up is the “hardest” art form: reading rooms, rejecting corporate gigs, never doing old jokes
Jo Koy explains the difference between doing stand-up and being treated like a clown for a random gig. He describes how demanding comedy is—constantly adjusting to the room—and says he won’t do old material after a special is released.
- •Jo Koy rejects the expectation that comics should perform anywhere under any conditions
- •He explains why he stopped doing corporate gigs, describing the environment as “clownery”
- •He says comedians must be therapists and “psychic” to read and adjust to a room
- •He describes fixating on a single disengaged audience member despite overall success
- •He says once a special releases, he retires the jokes—no “greatest hits”
- 56:46 – 1:00:49
Stepdad’s discipline: “Fix your bed” and finding safety in a chaotic home
Asked about lessons from his stepdad, Jo Koy shares a defining rule—making the bed—and ties it to mental clarity. He recounts a powerful story where his stepdad physically intervened during a volatile confrontation, changing Jo Koy’s sense of safety at home.
- •Jo Koy says his stepdad’s key lesson was “Fix your bed,” linking a messy bed to a messy head
- •He describes his stepdad as military and bringing structure into the household
- •He recounts a confrontation where his stepdad restrained Jo Koy’s brother until police arrived
- •Jo Koy says the incident made him feel protected and changed how he viewed his stepdad
- •He says he still makes his bed before leaving any hotel room
- 1:00:49 – 1:03:19
His mom’s hustle: community-building, potlucks, lumpia sales, and self-funding his work
Jo Koy credits his mother with indirectly teaching hustle, describing how she built community without modern tools. He connects her resourcefulness—organizing events and selling food—to his own approach of renting theaters, making flyers, and paying for specials when needed.
- •Jo Koy contrasts today’s easy community-finding tools with his mother’s church-based networking
- •He describes Filipino potlucks and rented hall gatherings that created a support system after divorce
- •He recalls his mom making and selling lumpia and organizing events where everyone performed
- •He links those memories to why he still makes flyers and takes initiative
- •He says this mindset is why he paid for specials when he had to rather than complain
- 1:03:19 – 1:21:34
Bonus features mindset, betting on himself with Netflix, and three final truths
Jo Koy shares a “DVD and bonus features” framing for life, saying he’s living extra chapters beyond his childhood dreams. He tells how Netflix initially passed, so he filmed a special himself and sold it afterward, then closes with his “three truths” and definition of greatness.
- •Jo Koy repeats a metaphor learned from comic Chase DuRousseau: life’s dreams are the “DVD,” everything after is “bonus features”
- •He recounts seeing Eddie Murphy live as a teen, then later selling out the same arena and sharing the moment with his son
- •He says Netflix turned him down, so he shot the special himself and brought it back to them to buy
- •He reiterates his dislike of “hope,” preferring certainty like “when it comes out” and “it will work out for you”
- •Jo Koy’s three truths include not saying “what if” and instead doing the thing; he defines greatness as doing what you love, even for nothing
