The Mel Robbins Podcast

Change Your Life This Year: How to Get From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. — In today’s episode, you’re going to learn exactly how to achieve your goals, stay motivated, and create real, lasting change in your life. If you’ve struggled to create change that sticks… If you know exactly what you want to change, but can’t follow through… If you’re tired of blaming willpower… This conversation will give you clarity, relief, and a proven way forward. Joining Mel today is Dr. Katy Milkman, PhD, one of the world’s leading behavioral scientists, an endowed professor at the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania, and co-founder of the Behavior Change for Good Initiative. In her lab at UPenn, Dr. Milkman consolidated the findings from 192 researchers and found that there are 7 hidden barriers that stop people from changing, even when they desperately want to. Today, she walks through each of the 7 barriers and explains why each barrier requires a different, evidence-backed strategy. Trying harder doesn’t work. Using the right tool does. Dr. Milkman will also share the secret weapon for creating real change in your life called the Fresh Start Effect. In this episode, you’ll learn: -The real reason change feels so hard – and why you’re not lazy, broken, or lacking discipline -The 7 hidden barriers that quietly stop you from following through -How to identify which barrier is blocking you -Why willpower keeps letting you down and what works when motivation disappears -Why procrastination, impulsivity, and forgetting are predictable and the simple tools that stop them -How to make hard habits feel easier and more rewarding, so they finally stick -The science-backed way to design your environment for success instead of relying on self-control In this conversation, Dr. Milkman gives you a practical framework to stop fighting yourself and start working with how your brain actually functions. If you’re ready for this year to be different, this episode is for you. You’re not broken. You’re not behind. And once you understand the science, change finally becomes possible. As a gift to listeners of The Mel Robbins Podcast, Mel has created a free 20-page workbook to help you make 2026 a great year. This workbook is designed using the latest research to help you get clear about what you want and empower you to take the next step forward in your life. Get it here: https://www.melrobbins.com/bestyear/ For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page: https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-356/ Follow The Mel Robbins Podcast on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themelrobbinspodcast I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode. In this episode: 00:00 Meet the Guest 04:17 What You Get Wrong About Making Change Stick 07:30 The 7 Barriers to Change 12:31 The Fresh Start Effect 23:02 How to Make New Habits Fun & Easy 31:17 The Real Reason You Procrastinate 36:53 How to Make Healthy Habits Automatic 44:46 Overcome Laziness and Build Better Habits 49:38 Boost Your Confidence With this Simple Trick 01:00:54 You Don’t Need Willpower, You Need a Plan 01:07:51 The #1 Rule for Creating Lasting Change — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

Katy MilkmanguestMel Robbinshost

Dec 29, 20251h 13mWatch on YouTube ↗

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Scientist Reveals Seven Hidden Barriers Sabotaging Your Life Changes

Mel Robbins interviews behavioral scientist Professor Katy Milkman about why most attempts at change fail and how to do it differently using evidence-based strategies. Milkman explains that change is a learnable skill, not a willpower problem, and outlines seven universal internal barriers: getting started, impulsivity, procrastination, forgetfulness, laziness, low confidence, and conformity. For each barrier, she shares concrete tools such as fresh starts, making goals fun, temptation bundling, commitment devices, cue-based planning, habit design, social support, and copying successful peers. The episode emphasizes designing strategies and environments that make good behaviors enjoyable and easy, while giving yourself grace for inevitable setbacks.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Stop relying on willpower; treat change as a skill that needs strategy.

Milkman argues that failing to change usually reflects poor systems and support, not a broken character, so you must learn and apply evidence-based tools rather than just “try harder.”

Use fresh starts to launch change, but always pair them with a concrete plan.

Moments like New Year’s, birthdays, Mondays, and life transitions create powerful psychological chapter breaks; commit specific goals, times, and places to those moments instead of relying on motivation alone.

Make the hard thing fun or instantly rewarding to beat impulsivity.

Choosing enjoyable versions of a behavior (e.g., Zumba instead of StairMaster) and using temptation bundling (only watching a favorite show at the gym or listening to audiobooks while cleaning) increases persistence far more than forcing yourself through misery.

Combat procrastination with self-imposed consequences and friction.

Create “sticks” like financial stakes, public commitments, accountability partners, or making bad options harder (e.g., no junk food at home), so delaying action or indulging impulses carries a real cost.

Use cue-based plans and systems to outsmart forgetfulness.

Specify exactly when, where, and how you’ll act (“If it’s noon at my desk, then I meditate for 5 minutes”), use checklists, and set reminders, because intentions without cues and structure are almost always displaced by daily life.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

Learning how to change is a skill, just like using an Excel spreadsheet is a skill.

— Katy Milkman

I think the biggest lie is that you should just work harder, or use your willpower, and that there's something wrong with you if you can't push through the pain.

— Katy Milkman

If it is painful to pursue your goal, you will quit.

— Katy Milkman

Most people and organizations that are trying to create change, they approach it with a one-size-fits-all mentality.

— Katy Milkman

You don't fail because you don't care, you fail because you forget.

— Katy Milkman, paraphrased by Mel Robbins

The myth of willpower and why change is a learnable skillSeven common internal barriers to behavior changeThe Fresh Start Effect and timing new beginningsImpulsivity, temptation bundling, and making goals enjoyableProcrastination, commitment devices, and using carrots vs. sticksForgetfulness, cue-based planning, and structural remindersHabits, laziness, social influence, confidence, and growth mindset

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