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How Do I Learn to Love Myself, Really? | The Mel Robbins Podcast

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. — Whatever you're doing right now, stop and make time for this conversation. Every single day, I get questions from listeners about self-love, self-hatred, and what it actually means to like yourself. I understand why it’s confusing. The topic of #selflove is so broad, and there is very little actionable advice on how exactly you learn to like yourself, especially if you’ve spent your whole life being hard on yourself. So don’t worry, I’ve decided to attack this topic of self-love in a completely unique, surprising, and tactical manner. This is also one of the most personal episodes I’ve released because I’m inviting you to join a conversation I’m having with our 17-year-old son, Oakley. This is not a “podcast interview.” This is an intimate conversation between a mother and a son about the most important topic you could discuss: self-love. When Oakley was in middle school, he hated himself, and as his mom, it was awful to see him so lonely and sad. In today’s conversation, he shares things with me about this time in his life that I never knew. And more importantly, we unpack the moment he had an epiphany that changed everything. You will absolutely relate to everything he shares and his reflections about it. I’m so proud to share this conversation with you. You will be blown away because you’ll not only feel like you’re part of our family, but we’re also welcoming you into our hearts. You will laugh out loud, even though your heart might break a little. And by the end of it, you’ll have not only wisdom, but also a couple of simple tools to help you learn how to like yourself a little more. This conversation is a must-listen for EVERYONE in your life. And especially for young adults because when they hear these insights from someone their age, it’s way more compelling than getting #advice from an adult. I do want to be up front about one thing: Oakley is 17 and like most 17-year-olds, whether they do it in front of you or not, he has a case of the F’s, meaning he drops the F-word a fair number of times, and I made a decision to record it as is and allow him to speak freely. And, I just can’t emphasize enough how much insight this is going to give you into your own relationship with yourself. I hope you will make the time to spend a half hour with the two of us, because I know you will leave feeling seen, understood, and liking yourself a little better. I cannot wait to hear what you learn. Xo Mel In this episode, you’ll learn: - Science-backed research around the habit of liking yourself - Why we beat ourselves up in the first place - Two powerful epiphanies my son had around his own self-esteem - The life-changing mantra that you can start repeating to yourself today - What it looks like to like yourself - What happens when you start to like yourself - Two new habits that will train your brain to like who you are, right now In this episode: 00:00 Intro 02:49 It is never too early or late to start working on self-acceptance… 03:39 Research - being kinder yourself is the biggest indicator of your happiness 09:42 Oakley’s road to self-acceptance, the struggle to love himself 13:46 How small moments of judgment impact self acceptance 16:29 Why Oakley stopped hating how he looked in the mirror 22:24 Oakley’s epiphany: you only go through life with yourself 23:47 The 5 words that will change your life 30:17 Step 1 to loving yourself: Find something small you love about yourself 33:12 Step 2: Name a win each day 35:17 Step 3: Use the High 5 Habit 39:08 Compliment each other, it feels good 40:36 You can only control how you show up for yourself and others — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com​ — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins​?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

Mel RobbinshostOakley Robbinsguest
Nov 28, 202241mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Seventeen-Year-Old Explains How He Stopped Self-Hatred And Chose Self-Love

  1. Mel Robbins interviews her 17-year-old son Oakley about his journey from deep self-consciousness and self-hatred in middle school to genuine self-acceptance and self-love today.
  2. Oakley shares specific experiences of body shame and bullying, and how the COVID lockdown unexpectedly became a turning point by removing social pressure and surrounding him only with people who loved him.
  3. Together they unpack the core mindset shifts: realizing there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with you, deciding to like yourself now rather than after some future achievement, and interrupting self-criticism with deliberate kindness.
  4. Mel also introduces practical tools such as finding small things you like about yourself, ending each day with a “win,” complimenting others authentically, and using her “High Five Habit” to rewire self-talk and self-acceptance.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Interrupt the belief that something is fundamentally wrong with you.

Oakley’s breakthrough started when he realized, in isolation from school and social pressure, “There’s nothing wrong with me.” Repeating and internalizing this counters the lifelong habit of scanning for flaws and turns the foundation from self-rejection to self-acceptance.

Decide to like yourself now, not after you’ve “fixed” everything.

Waiting to like yourself until you lose weight, achieve goals, or correct past mistakes keeps you stuck in self-hatred. Mel argues you can choose to like who you are today—flaws and all—which actually makes meaningful change more possible.

Reduce focus on others’ opinions and increase focus on your own happiness.

Oakley noticed he felt better when he stopped worrying how others judged his appearance and instead cared about what made him happy that day. Shifting your energy from impression management to personal joy dramatically improves daily wellbeing.

Practice small, specific self-appreciation every day.

Start by identifying tiny things you like—your hair today, your smile, how you showed up for a friend, the effort you’re putting into school or work. Consistently naming these details trains your brain to seek what’s right instead of what’s wrong.

End each day by recognizing at least one ‘win.’

Mel suggests scanning your day for a simple success—getting out of bed, going to work, being kind to someone, stepping outside. This counters the automatic negativity bias and builds a habit of acknowledging your own progress and effort.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

You only go through life with yourself. You are the only person that you wake up with and you go to sleep with every single night and every single day, and you are the only person that you need to please.

— Oakley Robbins

There’s nothing wrong with me.

— Oakley Robbins (core realization, highlighted by Mel Robbins)

When you turn against yourself, it’s literally an act of self-hatred.

— Mel Robbins

You will never ever feel motivated to change anything for the better if you’re bashing yourself all the time.

— Mel Robbins

Why don’t I just like myself?

— Oakley Robbins

Oakley’s early struggles with body image, bullying, and self-hatredThe impact of social pressure, comparison, and social media on self-worthCOVID lockdown as a catalyst for self-acceptance and reduced external validationCore mindset shifts: “There’s nothing wrong with me” and choosing to like yourselfPractical habits for building self-acceptance and self-kindnessMel Robbins’ High Five Habit and its psychological underpinningsThe importance of genuine compliments and focusing on character over appearance

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