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How To Know If Your Relationship Is Over & 6 Pieces Of Advice To Make It Work | Mel Robbins Podcast

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. — In this episode, I’m getting brutally honest with you about #relationships. I’ve always shied away from giving #relationshipadvice, mainly because after 26 years of #marriage, I know the only secret is this: it takes a lot of consistent work. Over the past few years, Chris and I have been working through some really heavy issues with a couples’ #therapist. Today I share very personal revelations I’ve had about my own role in causing problems between us. After all we’ve been through, I’m really proud of my husband, Chris, and me for making it this long and doing the work to make it better. In the process of working hard to improve our relationship, I learned six powerful lessons that I felt compelled to share with you. Not because I hold the magic wand, but because I hope these lessons will save you the pain and heartaches I’ve caused myself and my husband. No matter what kind of relationship you might be in, working on, struggling with or hoping to save, these six lessons will provide a roadmap to make it better. Xo Mel In this episode, you'll learn: 00:00 Intro 00:32 The one question you often ask that I put off answering for a long time 02:48 Here’s the hard truth you should know about my marriage 05:54 Here’s what I think about “staying in a marriage for the kids” 08:48 The concerning relationship trend I see happening 14:18 Would I be better off without my husband? 18:03 This is the only way relationships work out 22:34 What I was doing wrong in my own marriage 26:11 6 pieces of advice for any relationship 31:33 What I learned about my husband in couples therapy 35:47 Here’s why the way you react to your partner’s good news matters 40:22 What do you do when your partner isn’t growing with you? 44:34 Are “roles” in your relationship hurting your dynamic? 54:27 Stop forgetting this about your partner — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com​ — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins​?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

Mel RobbinshostJenniferguestJenguest
Jan 30, 20231h 0mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Mel Robbins’ Six Brutally Honest Rules For Saving Your Relationship

  1. Mel Robbins candidly unpacks 26 years of marriage, including financial crisis, resentment, disconnection, and recent couples therapy, to explore when to stay and when to leave a relationship.
  2. She pushes back against both outdated “stay for the kids” pressure and the modern reflex to instantly leave for happiness, arguing that most answers are found in the mirror, not at the exit door.
  3. The episode lays out six concrete practices—intentional commitment, genuine curiosity, shared fun, role reversals, asking for what you need, and assuming good intent—that helped her and her husband rebuild connection.
  4. Robbins stresses a crucial caveat: relationships only work if both partners are willing to work on them; if one refuses to engage, you’re likely just enduring, not growing.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Decide intentionally to work on the relationship instead of passively wishing it were better.

Nothing changes until you consciously choose to prioritize the relationship and schedule time and practices (therapy, talks, shared activities) to nurture it like a living thing that can either grow or wither.

Don’t stay ‘for the kids’—stay, if you stay, for you and your values.

Children sense misery; modeling a dead or dysfunctional partnership harms them. If you stay, it should be because you see personal value in the family, history, and connection and are willing to do the work, not from guilt or shame.

Work on yourself and the relationship before you bolt for greener grass.

Unless there is abuse, narcissism, or entrenched misery after real effort, leaving simply to avoid hard work means you’ll carry the same patterns into the next relationship; people who genuinely try to repair rarely regret the attempt, but many regret quitting too soon.

Rebuild emotional connection by becoming genuinely curious about your partner again.

Assume you don’t fully know them—ask about their inner world, history, needs, and preferences. Robbins learned major things about her husband decades into marriage, and that curiosity transformed annoyance into empathy and support.

Inject planned fun and celebration back into the relationship.

Fun doesn’t happen by accident; it has to be designed and prioritized. Research also shows that how you react to your partner’s good news (enthusiastic celebration vs. indifference) is a powerful predictor of connection or chill in the relationship.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

The exit door is usually not where you find the best answers.

— Mel Robbins

A marriage isn’t just you and your partner. It’s your family, your community, your history together.

— Mel Robbins

I was engaged in the quiet quitting of a marriage.

— Mel Robbins

Relationships only work if both of you are willing to work on it together. You will never change your marriage on your own.

— Mel Robbins

If you can’t even admit that at their core this is a good person, then get out.

— Mel Robbins

Cultural pendulum swing: from “stay for the kids” to “leave to be happy”Distinguishing abusive/toxic relationships from hard-but-salvageable onesThe cost of leaving: community, family networks, shared historyQuiet quitting in marriage and becoming ‘roommates’The role and benefits of couples therapySix practices for repairing and strengthening long-term relationshipsWhat to do when one partner won’t or can’t do the work

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