Should You Trust Your Gut Instinct? | The Mel Robbins Podcast

1. 0:00 – 4:04

   Intro

   1. MRMel Robbins0:03

      It's really hard to find the courage to make a decision that is the right decision for you. We are so quick to consider what everybody else is thinking. We're so quick to weigh how our decision is gonna impact somebody else's feelings. That's why we don't trust our gut, and I've been dying to talk to you about this, about how you really tune out other people, how you find the clarity and the quiet to hear what's right for you, how you feel it. (upbeat music plays) Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I have been looking forward to talking to you all week long, because I just got done with spring break, and let me tell you, it was such a memorable spring break. I just want you to close your eyes for a second, unless you're driving a car, and I want you to just picture the absolute spring break perfection. Maybe you imagine beautiful sandy beaches, tropical waters, a Mai Tai in your hand. You're just laying there with a good book, like a beached whale, sunning yourself with not a care in the world. It's quiet, nothing to do. Nowhere to go. Wouldn't it be amazing? That is not what happened for me over spring break. Nope, not me. We have a college-bound rising senior in high school. That's a fancy way to say we have a junior in high school. And he does sports, which means our April vacation, the time of year I look forward the most to getting the hell out of New England disgusting muddy weather and going somewhere in Florida or somewhere else where I can see the sun and I can tan my zombie gray body, that did not happen this year. Nope, not at all. We piled into my husband's pickup truck and we did college tours. Now, it was fun, it was fun, but I did not get tan, and there were a bunch of things though that happened. I learned some things about myself that I'm going to share with you. These are very ugly traits of mine. I was not on my best behavior during college tour week. I will explain why in a minute, but I did learn some really incredible things about trusting your gut and about the outside forces and influences that override what you know is true for you. It's really hard to find the courage to make a decision that is the right decision for you, and it's hard because we are so quick to consider what everybody else is thinking. We're so quick to weigh how our decision is going to impact somebody else's feelings. That's why we don't trust our gut. And so, I'm gonna talk a lot today, and I've been dying to talk to you about this, about how you really tune out other people, how you find the clarity and the quiet to hear what's right for you, how you feel it. And the interesting thing about this is that I learned this from watching our son, Oakley, this week, because if you really think about college tours, if you are at this point in your life, or if you remember what that was like, or, or even if you didn't go to college, but you were weighing, am I gonna go into the military? Am I gonna go to a tech school? Am I gonna go work, uh, and get a job because that's what I have to do? It's a moment in your life where you have a big decision to make and you're weighing options, and it's also this moment where everybody around you has an opinion. Everyone around you. I remember when, um, I was touring colleges back in the 1800s. Uh, no (laughs) , it was 1985, the spring

2. 4:04 – 9:38

   The moment of my junior year in high school that changed my future.

   1. MRMel Robbins4:04

      of my junior year, and I was not the world's most diligent student, but I happened to be a phenomenal test taker. So I take the SATs and I destroyed it. I don't know how it happened, but I destroyed the ACTs. No, the SATs, sorry. It was the SATs. And so I'm like, that's it, I'm going Ivy League. Let's go people. And I was in a small town in Western Michigan, so hello geographic diversity. Nobody in my tiny, tiny high school, which had a graduating class of 73 people, nobody left the state. I mean, we were a feeder school in the, uh, '70s and '80s for Central Michigan University, for Michigan State, for UMich. Nobody went out of state. Like, that was unheard of. And so we loaded up the Wagoneer and loaded in the dog and we drove across country, stopping at the family farm in Buffalo, New York for the overnight, and we went from one school to the other school. Now, being a complete moron that grew up in Western Michigan, I had no idea. There was no internet. I didn't know that half of these "Ivy League" schools were in cities. So we pull into these ci- I'm like, this is co- this is not what college looks like to me. And we finally get to Hanover, New Hampshire. Dartmouth College. And we pull in, we park on the main street. I knew jack shit about this school. I step out onto the town green right in the center of campus. I'll never forget it. And there were students everywhere. They were playing Frisbee. There were dogs running around and I said, "This is college." And I remember going back home after that spring break trip with my parents and going into math class, and I'll never forget this happening....and Mr. Beaver, my math teacher, and I was a fantastic math student. I was a real, like, math wizard. English, forget it. I can barely speak it with this dyslexia that I have and the mispronunciation that I'm sure that you pick up on all the time. Um, Mr. Beaver asked me, "So, you know, how you doing? What do you think?" And of course, I was wearing a Dartmouth sweatshirt 'cause now that I've decided it's Dartmouth, you gotta buy the swag, people. I mean, that's what I also realized about college tours these days, is that these kids rack up sweatshirts. It's not only the tour. It's like, okay, let's go to the co-op and let's, like, buy shit from a school that I don't even attend to go to because I gotta get the swag to show that I went here. So, I'm wearing the Dartmouth sweatshirt. I've just gotten back, and I look at him, and I say, "Oh, I'm gonna apply early decision to Dartmouth." And he looks me square in the eye, and he says, "That's a very hard school to get into. Are you sure?" And I said, "Yeah, I'm sure," and he said, "You better not get your hopes up," and he walked away from me, and you know what? That's all that Mel Robbins needs. There are some of us that when somebody says, "It's not gonna happen," you're like, "Oh, yeah? Fuck off. Watch me, motherfucker." And so, I, of course, did not ask him for a recommendation, and I ended up applying ED, and I got in. And look, I don't know that I would've get in... I don't think I would get into Dartmouth today. I mean, this was the 1800s that we're talking about here, and I was coming from a tiny school where no one had ever even applied to Dartmouth College. Western Michigan, like, I had everything working for me. So, I end up going, and that was that, but it was that one person's voice, "Oh, it's really hard," that really influenced me. And if I hadn't been such a son of a bitch, it might have made me go, "Oh, he's right. Who do I think I am?" And so, that brings me to present day. So, present day, we go on these college tours with Oak, and, you know, we have two older kids, and when our daughters looked at universities, I was really good. I actually didn't care. I just wanted them to go somewhere that they were gonna be happy. And so, I was like a super cool mom on these college tours because I honestly could care less. I didn't want to go to any of the schools that they looked at. I thought that their choices were fantastic. I wanted them to fully own the process. And here's the thing, none of them looked at my alma mater because they couldn't get in, and they weren't interested in it anyway. And so, I went through two college tour processes just having a ball. Like, "Oh, my God, this is so cool. Okay, oh, you like this? Oh, you don't like that?" Like, learning about my kids. So, fast-forward to last week. We get in the car, and we start driving to all these schools in New England because one thing that our son is really clear about is he does not want to leave New England, and I've even tried to influence this. I'm realizing as I analyze my own participation in his college process, I'm kind of a freak. I've been a little micromanagy. He's very clear. "I do not want to be in a city," and yet I'm still like, "You wanna look at BU?" He's like, "Mom, that's in a city." "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. You wanna look at Syracuse?" "Mom, it's in a city." "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's r- What about Michigan?" "Mom, it's not New England." "You know, maybe you should look at Colorado schools." "Mom, I'd like to stay in New England. I like the fall seasons." "Well, what about Elon?" "But, G- Mom, that's in the South." I can't

3. 9:38 – 17:56

   I am not proud of this mother moment when I lost it.

   1. MRMel Robbins9:38

      help myself, you guys. I don't know what is wrong with me. So, we go on the first tour, and there's a couple things that I noticed about myself and about our son as we went through the week. I was not on my best behavior when we got to my alma mater, okay? And I think it's important to share this with you, to confess to you, um, what I did, because I played a role in trying to pollute my son's clarity. I'm kind of embarrassed about it, honestly, 'cause I never thought I was that parent. I always said very vocally to our kids, "Look, I got to go to the school that I wanted to go to. Your dad got to go to the school he wanted to go to, which was UVM. He fricking loved it. I fricking love Dartmouth. We already had our college experience. You have to choose where you want to be, and by the way, I'm not putting the bumper sticker on the car like some sort of, uh, you know, flex to other parents. I'm not gonna buy the sweatshirt. This is your experience. I'm not that person, okay?" And I think it worked because I think it took the pressure off. Holy shit, when Oakley said, "Mom, I think I'd like to look at Dartmouth," I became a sociopath. Honest to God. I don't know what got into me, and here's the thing that's kind of weird about it. The truth is, I fricking loved Dartmouth. It is an incredible school, but I hated myself when I was there. Like, we're talking the eight- I mean, the 1980s circa version of Mel. I was unmedicated. I had undiagnosed trauma, undiagnosed anxiety. I basically fooled around with just about everybody I met there, and I did not take advantage fully of all the opportunities that were presented to me, and if I could go back and do it all over, I would be a different human being. And so, as much as I loved that school, and I have a couple incredible friends from there, I look back on my college years, and I'm like, "Ugh." I haven't ever even been to a reunion. I didn't own a Dartmouth sweatshirt after I graduated, mainly because I was afraid that if I wore one, Dartmouth alums come up to each other, that I'd be bumping into people I'd fooled around with, you know. Chris was like, "Jesus, have you, like, fooled around with everybody that you went to college with?" I'm like, "You should thank them because I have a lot of skills because of that." Um, but anyway, I digress.So, Oakley goes and like, I was like, "I think I wanna look at Dartmouth. He's got the grades. He would honestly probably love it." And so, I'm like trying to be like, not like, (gasps) "Oh my God, that's incredible." I'm like, "Oh, okay. Uh, that sounds like a good idea. Fuck yes!" So we pull up on the campus, and it was sort of synchronicity, because it looked like the exact same kind of day as when my parents and I pulled up in 1985. Bluebird sky, kids all over the green, Frisbees, dogs. And Oakley steps out, and he starts looking around, and I'm thinking, "I could see him here." Now, I'm like fast forwarding, right? I'm going, "Oh, yeah, I could see dropping him off. I could see him walking across that green." I'm starting to get invested, you guys. I'm starting to think, "Oh, yeah, this is a good pick for us. This would be really cool for us." And in fact, and now I'm starting to tell myself this story. And I gotta be honest with you, I've never been this person. Something came over me. It's like I became a psycho alum possessed with this alma mater kind of like just hysteria. And I'm thinking, "Oh my God, if he goes here and he has an incredible experience, then I'm gonna get to relive it in a whole new way, and I will redeem myself, and I will get to love this school even more. And I'll get to go to his reunions, 'cause I never went to my reunion. And I'll start to do..." And I start to get completely enraptured in the story. "And I can come up for the games, and oh yeah, and then there's winter carnival. And oh my God, summer, summer session! I forgot about summer s..." And I start to just get this tornado of enthusiasm. So then we go upstairs and we're sitting down, and I'm like, "Oh yeah, this is a way better info session than the other ones. Dartmouth's really cool. They're doing it right. They're d- I love this. These are the right people." And then they take us out, and I loved as we're walking down the stairs, and, and the stairs are made of marble, and you can feel like the dip in the stairs 'cause the buildings are so old. And Oakley's like, "Ooh, these stairs are cool." I'm like, "That's because these stairs are 200 years old, Oakley. They're the same stairs as when I was there." So we get out on the green and they now separate us out, and there's four tour guides. And the one tour guide on the right is this kid named Nico, and he's super cool, and he's wearing flip-flops and shorts, 'cause of course. All the Dartmouth kids wear flip-flops and shorts in April, 'cause you know, it's New Hampshire in the mid-winter mud season. And he's wearing like a hoodie and he sort of toe walks his way on his slides, and I'm like, "Oakley, we gotta go with Nico." So now I'm even pushing him to pick the person, 'cause I'm thinking, "If he gets that tour guide," because the kid plays Ultimate, Oakley plays Ultimate, he's like a really kind of cool kid who's into kind of musical... Oakley's into theater. "Okay, we're gonna get this kid." So I'm like inching Oakley. I am literally that parent. The tour starts, and I am that parent. I'm like pushing us toward the front. "You gotta hear him. You gotta get up close, get up close so you..." And he's like, "Mom, Jesus." And I can't help myself, you guys. He's talking about the credits, and they have a wellness credit. That's pretty cool, and I'm like, "Do they still require you to pass a swim test to graduate?" And he's like, "Actually, no." I'm like, "Oh," and he's like, and Oakley's like, "There was a swim credit?" And so now I'm basically leading the tour. And at one point, Chris puts his hands on my shoulder, and just ever so gently pulls me back towards him. And he's like, "Mel, let's let Oakley go on the tour." And I'm like, "Oh, you're right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just, I'm just so excited. I'm so excited." And then the college tour went right past my freshman dorm window, Russell Sage, people. That window. I had a flashback to the last day of freshman year, when completely unorganized, undiagnosed, anxiety-ridden ADHD Mel had not planned on the fact that in order to get home to Michigan, she was gonna have to board a flight later that day, and I had not packed anything. And so I finish exams, I walk into my dorm room, and I have a complete fucking panic attack because I don't know what to do with my shit. So you know what I did? I popped the screen off the window and I started putting stuff out the window, and then I put a bunch of pieces of paper on it that said free, and I left. That's what I did. Disaster Mel. And so I imagined literally the yard sale of shit from the dorm fridge that we had bought, to God knows what we had collected, to lamps, to the rug, to odds and end, right out there on the lawn on Russell Sage. And I'm telling you this for a particular reason, because at one point on the tour, as I was hanging back, we had just left the engineering school, and Oakley's kind of just walking with the students up front, and I'm hanging back with Chris, and we're chitchatting about some stuff. And I'm realizing, "Mel, you gotta just fucking chill here. You gotta let him like just make the decision. Like you can't put pressure on him." Oakley turns around and he says, "What do you think?" And I

4. 17:56 – 19:22

   The question Oakley asked is what we all do when we give up our power.

   1. MRMel Robbins17:56

      said to him, "It doesn't matter what I think. It matters what you think." But I'm telling you this story because I think that moment where he turns around and says, "What do you think?", that's what we all do when we make decisions, isn't it?... whether you've got somebody annoying like me going, "Oh, you'll be here? Oh, you should do this and you should do that, and you should do the other thing. You should break up with this person, but you should go with that person. But maybe you should... " Or you don't. We have this reflexive nature, don't we? Where instead of tuning in and going, "I could see myself here," or, "This relationship is over," or, "I don't want to do this job anymore," or, "Could I see myself here?" Or, "What do I want to do next?" We turn around and we go, "What do you think?" And that's where we lose our power, because it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks, because you're the one that's going to have to live with the decision. So, we were just doing college tours for the past week on spring break.

   2. GUGuest18:55

      Yeah.

   3. MRMel Robbins18:56

      (laughs)

   4. GUGuest18:57

      (laughs)

   5. MRMel Robbins18:57

      Well, it was actually great.

   6. GUGuest18:58

      It was.

   7. MRMel Robbins18:58

      I loved spending the time with you.

   8. GUGuest19:00

      It was.

   9. MRMel Robbins19:00

      And I loved just watching you go through the decision-making process.

   10. GUGuest19:07

       Hmm.

   11. MRMel Robbins19:07

       And we went to the first school. Remember that one?

   12. GUGuest19:11

       I do.

   13. MRMel Robbins19:11

       And it was a hard no.

   14. GUGuest19:13

       Hard no.

   15. MRMel Robbins19:15

       How did you know? Like, where in your body?

   16. GUGuest19:18

       Just my whole body.

   17. MRMel Robbins19:20

       What did it feel like to have your body

5. 19:22 – 22:27

   Here’s what a hard no “feels” like for Oakley.

   1. MRMel Robbins19:22

      experience a no, and how quickly did it happen for you?

   2. GUGuest19:26

      The first college, I'd say 30, 30 minutes.

   3. MRMel Robbins19:31

      Okay.

   4. GUGuest19:31

      Happened in 30 minutes.

   5. MRMel Robbins19:32

      What's a no feel like?

   6. GUGuest19:36

      Just very uninterested, unenthused, feels very closed off. Just I don't want to be there anymore, I feel out of place. It's what a, it's what a no feels like for me.

   7. MRMel Robbins19:49

      Does it happen in your body first or in your mind?

   8. GUGuest19:53

      I think it starts in my mind, and then I know over time, I'm like, yeah, my whole body starts to agree.

   9. MRMel Robbins19:59

      Okay. Um, second school.

   10. GUGuest20:03

       Yes.

   11. MRMel Robbins20:04

       That was a yes.

   12. GUGuest20:05

       It was a yes.

   13. MRMel Robbins20:06

       Big yes.

   14. GUGuest20:06

       Big yes.

   15. MRMel Robbins20:08

       And that school happens to be my alma mater.

   16. GUGuest20:13

       Dartmouth?

   17. MRMel Robbins20:14

       (laughs) Yes, Dartmouth College. And I was having my own sort of existential experience going on that tour, because my parents had dropped me off 37 years before we toured that campus. And we, the tour walked right in front of my freshman dorm window.

   18. GUGuest20:37

       Hmm.

   19. MRMel Robbins20:38

       And so for me, I was just back in my head, back at that school that I had graduated from 33 years ago, and neither of your sisters could have gotten in. And they weren't interested in it, and we didn't even look at it. And so, when all of a sudden you're like "I'd like to look at Dartmouth," I was like, "Oh my God, I di- I didn't even consider one of my k- th- this is incredible."

   20. GUGuest21:03

       Hmm.

   21. MRMel Robbins21:05

       Was it weird to have a parent on the tour with you that went to that school?

   22. GUGuest21:16

       (laughs) Yes. Yeah, it was.

   23. MRMel Robbins21:19

       You can call me out.

   24. GUGuest21:20

       Yeah, it was weird.

   25. MRMel Robbins21:22

       How come?

   26. GUGuest21:22

       It was weird, because on the tour, we'd be walking and the tour guide would say something, and then you'd be able to go into depth about it, or you'd talk about all these mini traditions that happen, uh-

   27. MRMel Robbins21:34

       Was that annoying?

   28. GUGuest21:36

       I- I knew that I wasn't going to let your opinion or Dad's opinion affect me, because this is my next four years... This is the next four years of my life. And so, no matter how you felt or what you said, I was not going to let it affect me. There was one point where you- where we were walking and you were saying something about how my application for Dartmouth needs to look like this, and it needs to-

   29. MRMel Robbins22:01

       (laughs) Uh-oh.

   30. GUGuest22:01

       ... have this in it. And when I ED here, it's going to need to show this and this and this. And I turn to you and I just say, "How do you even know I'm going to apply here?" Because you had already had this vision of me applying and going here, because we had different, uh, perspectives. But I wasn't going to let that get in my way.
6. 22:27 – 24:25

   Do you feel a “yes” in your body like this too?

   1. GUGuest22:27

      is super open. You feel lots of possibilities. You feel like you're in the right place. You feel comfortable. Um, you can see a bunch of different opportunities and possibilities in this space, stuff like that.

   2. MRMel Robbins22:44

      So, it's easy to picture yourself-

   3. GUGuest22:46

      Yeah.

   4. MRMel Robbins22:46

      ... and something feels expansive?

   5. GUGuest22:48

      Yeah.

   6. MRMel Robbins22:48

      That's super cool. There was one other thing I wanted to just have you really, uh, share with everybody. So, there was another school we looked at later in the week that was a hard no for both of us.

   7. GUGuest23:00

      Yep. (laughs)

   8. MRMel Robbins23:01

      Took about five minutes.

   9. GUGuest23:03

      Yes.

   10. MRMel Robbins23:04

       And I- I think that you get better and better at reading your gut when you're actually tuning into it. Would you say that's true?

   11. GUGuest23:11

       Yeah, for sure.

   12. MRMel Robbins23:12

       By the end of the week, you were making calls like this. (snaps fingers)

   13. GUGuest23:16

       Yeah.

   14. MRMel Robbins23:16

       And I think it's because you had spent the week being in your body as you've been making these decisions. So, you're getting better and better and better, and faster and faster at reading like, "This is opening, and possibility, and I could see myself here," and, "This is a hell no, and I feel, like, constricted and the energy draining." And at the school where you were like, "Hard no," five minutes in, Cr- uh, Chris, Oakley and I are texting one another like...

   15. GUGuest23:45

       No, you were texting me, and I was not looking at my phone, because that is disrespectful-

   16. MRMel Robbins23:51

       (laughs)

   17. GUGuest23:51

       ... to the info session people. So, no.

   18. MRMel Robbins23:53

       (laughs) That's true.

   19. GUGuest23:54

       You were texting me. I was not texting you.

   20. MRMel Robbins23:57

       That's true. (laughs)

   21. GUGuest23:58

       Don't drag me under the bus with you.

   22. MRMel Robbins23:59

       I was hiding behind somebody, so they couldn't see me-

   23. GUGuest24:02

       They probably could.

   24. MRMel Robbins24:02

       ... but I was staring at the people.

   25. GUGuest24:03

       They probably could.

   26. MRMel Robbins24:03

       Okay, okay. So, I was texting you. And after the info session, you're like, "Nope, not even going on the tour." And then, do you remember what this particular school did on the tour? Because I think this is a great metaphor for learning...... how to trust your gut.

   27. GUGuest24:18

       Yeah, they split up the kids and the parents on the tour. So, there were basically two separate tours going on at the same time,

7. 24:25 – 25:34

   What our brilliant tour guide did when he separated parents from students.

   1. GUGuest24:25

      one for adults and one's for kids.

   2. MRMel Robbins24:27

      Why did you think that was interesting?

   3. GUGuest24:31

      Uh, because it, when you're a kid and you're touring colleges, your parent is essentially your guide, and they, you look to them for answers and praise or denial. And so, maybe you're liking a college, so you wanna see if they also like it, and if they don't, you may feel as though, "Oh, well then I shouldn't like this one, because they don't like this one," or, "I should like this one, but, because they like this one." And so, the tour guides split it up, because when you're on the tour, you no longer have someone to turn to and ask if they like it or not. You just are on that tour with yourself, having to feel about it, about in your body, understand your body.

   4. MRMel Robbins25:23

      I think that's an incredible metaphor, Oak. See, I think the metaphor of that college splitting parents and kids

8. 25:34 – 28:19

   When it comes to big decisions, step away and go on your own tour.

   1. MRMel Robbins25:34

      into two separate groups is a great visual for how everybody needs to make decisions, that there's a group of people whose opinions you're weighing, and right now, they're on a tour with you.

   2. GUGuest25:50

      Mm-hmm.

   3. MRMel Robbins25:50

      Whether it's your friends or it's your family or it's your boyfriend or your girlfriend or significant other, there is somebody that you turn to and go, "What do you think?" And they're right on the tour with you in life.

   4. GUGuest26:02

      Right.

   5. MRMel Robbins26:03

      And when I think about how you make gut decisions, I come back to this visual of imagine all those people that you want to turn and go, "So what do you think about this?" Imagine them being on a different tour. You're there alone assessing what you need to do.

   6. GUGuest26:19

      Right, and so you're just in your head thinking about what you think of it.

   7. MRMel Robbins26:22

      I think you need to be in your body.

   8. GUGuest26:24

      Hmm.

   9. MRMel Robbins26:25

      And for those of you who just went, "What? What are you talking about, you make a decision with your body? That's not how you do it, Mel. You got to get a spreadsheet. You got to weigh the pros and cons. Like, eh, why do I have a brain if I'm not using it to make decisions?" Well, believe it or not, we're going to get into some of the science. That is actually not how you make decisions. The science shows that we make decisions in our body first. Our brain is just interpreting the signals that our body is telling us. And so much about making decisions that are right for you is about learning how to read the signals in your body, how to feel your way into it, and finding the courage to move in that direction, even though your brain might go, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Everybody in your family went, do you mish? What are you doing? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You can't transfer. What are people going to think? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Get a divorce? Are you crazy? We're Irish Catholic. People don't do that here. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You mean apply to nursing school after you're divorced? You don't, uh, people don't do that. D- y- you can just do that?" Yes, you can, and the more that you realize that there is so much magic for you to discover in your life, but it's gonna require courage, and I'm gonna prove to you that your instincts are always right. The problem isn't your instincts, and that's why I don't wanna talk about trusting them. I wanna talk about the fear that you have in following them, because nine times out of ten, when you truly tune in and you allow yourself to feel the decision, it's gonna require courage, because it's gonna disappoint people, and it's gonna require a change, and it's gonna require you to learn something

9. 28:19 – 30:13

   Here’s what a “no” and a “yes” usually feels like in your body.

   1. MRMel Robbins28:19

      new, and it's gonna require you to step away from the pack, and that's fricking terrifying. And that's why we don't do it. Speaking of this metaphor of the two tours, I have an incredible story to add to this, but I need to hit pause. Let's hear a word from our sponsors. When we come back, I want to dig into this idea of other voices with two stories that will really bring it home for you. So stay with us. Welcome back. I'm Mel Robbins, and we are talking today about finding the courage to make decisions that feel right for you, and we all know we need to, but it's really hard to do it, because it requires courage, and I was just explaining this metaphor about a college tour and this university that separated parents from students and how that frees a student up to consider a school and consider their decision without the energy of their parents or the influence of it, and as we were talking about this before the taping as a team, everybody at the table had a story about other people's voices or their own concerns being the cacophony that was causing doubt. And Amy, you had an amazing story about when you used to run a marketing and copywriting agency, and, uh, you have to tell this story.

   2. GUGuest29:48

      Yeah, sure. So, my story is that I was in a mastermind-

   3. MRMel Robbins29:52

      Uh-huh.

   4. GUGuest29:52

      ... which is kind of like a tour, a bunch of people together doing things with their businesses that, um, that they want to do, achieving goals together and patting each other on the back and, like, supporting each other. So, one day, I showed up at the mastermind, and I said, "You know what, you guys? This is what I'm gonna do. This is my next big thing. I am going

10. 30:13 – 34:06

    You’re going to love Amy’s “next big thing” story and how she just knew.

    1. GUGuest30:13

       to make what I made last year."...in this next month.

    2. MRMel Robbins30:20

       Wow.

    3. GUGuest30:21

       Yeah. Well, I had heard that this was like a- it's a thing that people do. I mean, it's not like, it wasn't my idea. I'd heard it from somebody else and it was just, if you want to take your business, and at the time I- I did, I wanted to take my business to the next level.

    4. MRMel Robbins30:34

       Mm-hmm.

    5. GUGuest30:34

       And if you really believe in yourself and you, you know, or- or want to find out what's holding you back, you know, try to make what you made last year in one month.

    6. MRMel Robbins30:45

       Can I ask you a question?

    7. GUGuest30:46

       Yeah.

    8. MRMel Robbins30:46

       So since we're talking about gut instinct-

    9. GUGuest30:51

       Mm-hmm.

    10. MRMel Robbins30:51

        ...when you heard somebody say that you can make a quantum leap if you're willing to find the courage to go, "That's it. Next month, I'm making what I made last year next month in my business-"

    11. GUGuest31:03

        Yeah.

    12. MRMel Robbins31:03

        ...did you feel it in your gut? Like, what was the process of even going, "I'm doing that"? 'Cause that's pretty courageous and bold.

    13. GUGuest31:10

        You know, it's- it- I see how you- you say it's courageous, but at the same time, nobody made me do it. It was my decision. And I, you know, if I didn't do it, everybody would say, "Oh, well, of course you didn't. Good try." You know?

    14. MRMel Robbins31:22

        But I meant when you heard about it-

    15. GUGuest31:25

        Yeah.

    16. MRMel Robbins31:25

        ...was there something that happened that you remember that was like, ding, ding, ding-

    17. GUGuest31:29

        Yeah.

    18. MRMel Robbins31:29

        ...I'm doing that?

    19. GUGuest31:30

        Yeah.

    20. MRMel Robbins31:30

        What happened?

    21. GUGuest31:31

        I just felt like I want that. Quantum leap, that sounds amazing. That sounds like living life, you know? That sounds like I'm gonna be in a different spot and that- that is gonna change me and I'm- think I'm gonna really love that.

    22. MRMel Robbins31:46

        It's almost like, if you think about the tour analogy, it is like the future was like, "No, no, no, come over here."

    23. GUGuest31:51

        Exactly. It really was. It was like, "This is your next step and it's a big one."

    24. MRMel Robbins31:56

        Wow. Okay.

    25. GUGuest31:57

        Yeah.

    26. MRMel Robbins31:57

        So you're running your copywriting and marketing business.

    27. GUGuest32:00

        Yes.

    28. MRMel Robbins32:01

        You go into this mastermind.

    29. GUGuest32:03

        Yeah, all these people that are supposed to be supporting me. (laughs)

    30. MRMel Robbins32:05

        And what happens?
11. 34:06 – 36:08

    We all have an opportunity in our lives to use this powerful tool.

    1. GUGuest34:06

       of the things that she said that I remember is, "If she wants to do it, why wouldn't you let her try it?" Like, "Why are you guys trying to convince her she can't?" And I love that, because if I could do it, it meant they could do it. And if I could do it, it meant we all would be a better group because I did it. But look at what they did instead. They just said, "No, no, you can't, you can't," maybe because they didn't want to have to do it. (laughs) You know? Like, I don't know.

    2. MRMel Robbins34:30

       Did you do it?

    3. GUGuest34:32

       I did do it.

    4. MRMel Robbins34:33

       What?

    5. GUGuest34:35

       I did do it. I, I mean, like, I- I'll explain to you what happened. I committed to it, and I'll never forget this. Two weeks into my commitment to myself and my group, even though they could care less, except for Richellie Wright, um, I got a phone call from a current client that said... He's a creative director and- and he, and I work for him and- and, uh, we kind of work on jobs together and he said, "One, our mutual client has asked me if you would like to write 10 e-books in the next month." And, you know, "Name your price 'cause she needs this and-" Oh. (laughs) . "...she knows you're the person to do it." I will never forget. I was on Route 684 around the Mount Kisco exit, and the phone rang, and as soon as it rang, I saw who it was and I was like, "This is happening right now."

    6. MRMel Robbins35:30

       Oh my god, I love-

    7. GUGuest35:31

       Yeah, it was super cool.

    8. MRMel Robbins35:32

       ...that.

    9. GUGuest35:32

       Yeah.

    10. MRMel Robbins35:33

        I love that.

    11. GUGuest35:33

        It was an amazing feeling.

    12. MRMel Robbins35:35

        Wow.

    13. GUGuest35:36

        It was the feeling that I wanted, right? It was that feeling that I was like hoping I would have when I took on that challenge.

    14. MRMel Robbins35:46

        You know, it's interesting 'cause w- as you were describing this, I was immediately back in class with Mr. Brown going, "You're not gonna get in there."

    15. GUGuest35:59

        Mm-hmm.

    16. MRMel Robbins35:59

        "You better not get your hopes up." And I didn't have the Richellie Wright. I had to be that for myself.

    17. GUGuest36:04

        You, yes.

    18. MRMel Robbins36:04

        I had to be like, "Fuck you. Fuck off. Watch

12. 36:08 – 43:34

    Do you have the courage to do this?

    1. MRMel Robbins36:08

       me fucking do this." And you have to do that for yourself.

    2. GUGuest36:11

       Mm-hmm.

    3. MRMel Robbins36:12

       Because it's a gift. I remember we just started a walking group here in southern Vermont this morning and there were like 25 women that showed up and there was this one woman that was super cool. Everybody was cool, but she was telling the story about how she recently went back to nursing school-

    4. GUGuest36:25

       Mm-hmm.

    5. MRMel Robbins36:25

       ...after getting a divorce and it was because she had a Richellie Wright next to her who was like, "Well...""You want to be a nurse? Just go back to school." She's like, "That's all you need to do?"

    6. GUGuest36:33

       Mm-hmm.

    7. MRMel Robbins36:34

       It is, because when somebody says, "Just go back to school," or, "Just get the divorce," or, "Just change your job," or, "Just move," they are saying, "Come on this tour."

    8. GUGuest36:46

       Yes.

    9. MRMel Robbins36:46

       And for that moment, you allow yourself to imagine what life would feel like, and that's what the yes feels like.

    10. GUGuest36:57

        Yeah. And all those people in my mastermind group, they didn't want to be open to that. I, uh, you know, for me and maybe even for themselves too, I think we don't do that a lot. We don't say, like, "What's possible now?" We say, like, "Well, what's the next fucking thing I gotta do?"

    11. MRMel Robbins37:16

        It's so true, and that's why I love this metaphor of that moment of going on a college tour, because it is a moment where you contemplate, very intentionally, your next move.

    12. GUGuest37:31

        Mm-hmm.

    13. MRMel Robbins37:32

        And we all have that opportunity in our lives at any moment.

    14. GUGuest37:36

        Yes.

    15. MRMel Robbins37:37

        To basically go, "Okay, the tour I'm on is headed over here, and it's these voices," and your story is about very loud voices chiming in, kind of the way I was with, uh, the annoying way on the Dartmouth tour.

    16. GUGuest37:51

        (laughs) .

    17. MRMel Robbins37:51

        But I also can think about periods in my life where I was the annoying voice, because my emotions were the emotions of all those people, "But you can't, but you were going this way, but this is how we do things, but this, but that, but what are you gonna do, but you don't know how to do that, but da, da, da, da, da, da."

    18. GUGuest38:07

        Mm-hmm.

    19. MRMel Robbins38:07

        Like, that was me during the entire experience of being in law school and being a young lawyer.

    20. GUGuest38:15

        Mm-hmm.

    21. MRMel Robbins38:16

        Knowing I don't want this, and yet being that negative voice for myself, like, "But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but you can't do this, but that, but everybody's going this direction, but what are you gonna do? You don't know what you're gonna do? Then you better do this."

    22. GUGuest38:31

        Mm-hmm.

    23. MRMel Robbins38:32

        And yet you know. And here's the thing about life. I do believe that there is something specific that's meant for you, and I do believe that what's meant for you will not pass you by, but you will waste years, decades even, of your fucking life moving in the wrong direction, because you will not slow down and tune into what you know is true, and you're afraid of it. You're afraid of it. That's why I keep saying it requires courage. And yes, you will ultimately end up where you need to go, but you can save yourself the headache, the heartache, and the breakdowns that, and the years that you will waste in the wrong direction. Do I regret going to law school? No, because it's a decision that I made, but could I have gotten where I am without it? Of course I could've.

    24. GUGuest39:24

        Mm-hmm.

    25. MRMel Robbins39:25

        Of course I could've. And I didn't have to torture myself the way that I did.

    26. GUGuest39:30

        Right.

    27. MRMel Robbins39:31

        And, you know, if anything, I love this visual of the tour. I love the visual of, like, parents and s- you know, going off in one direction with their opinions and their agendas and there's- and like your mastermind group waddling off in that direction.

    28. GUGuest39:46

        Mm-hmm, yup.

    29. MRMel Robbins39:47

        And then there's another choice. There's the future you going, "No, no, no, no, no, come on over here."

    30. GUGuest39:52

        Mm-hmm.
13. 43:34 – 1:01:04

    So what do you do when you hear the NO louder than the YES?

    1. MRMel Robbins43:34

       I think whether you identify with Amy, and you have people around you saying you can't do that, or you identify even with the experience that Oakley's with, where everybody's weighing in on the decision, and everybody's asking, and there's a ton of pressure, and you gotta just tune it all out, a lot of us struggle with our own voices, our own insecurities, our own fears. It's not even that other people are telling you what to do. It's that you're so busy looking around and being concerned and making up stories about what other people are thinking and about your own emotions that you can't, A, settle yourself down and be honest with yourself about what's actually not working and what you really want, and, B, Lord knows you can't find the fucking courage to do what you know you need to do. And for me, that is Mel Robbins circa 1990 to 1990... Shit, it was a long time. It was 1999. Nine years of my life, I was on a tour listening to my own insecurities, and let me tell you what happened. In fact, when I was our son's age, I was an emotional wreck, and that's one of the things that I want you to understand about decisions, that we make decisions, like it or not, with our emotions, that you feel your way into every decision. And I'm just gonna prove this to you really quick with some science before I tell you about circa 1990 to 1996 Mel Robbins, okay? Um, there was a famous researcher named, uh, Damasio. He's still alive. I don't know why I'm calling him in the past tense. And he had this incredible body of research, it's literally one of the most cited studies in decision-making, where he basically figured out that we don't make decisions with our brain. We make decisions with our body, and I'm gonna give you a super simple example. I don't need to explain the science. We will link to it in, um, the show notes if you wanna read all this stuff, but Damasio is the guy that everybody cites. But I'm just gonna give you an example out of your own life. If you are sitting at a restaurant and you're looking at a menu, how do you make a decision about what you're gonna order? Now, for some of you, I know you're like, "I gotta wait till everybody goes last, and I always order last, and I gotta see what everybody else does." But at the end of the day, if you're looking at a menu, and let's just say you're like, "Okay, do I get the pizza? Do I get the burger? Do I get the wings? Or do I get the salad?" Ultimately, there's this subconscious moment where you drop out of your head into your body, and you ask yourself this question, "What do I feel like eating? What do I feel like eating?" Now, I realize if you're the person that goes last, I'm often the person that goes last because I like to eat a lot of different things, so I like to wait and see what my husband has ordered. That way, I know that I might order something different because that way I can feel like eating two different things. So it sounds like I'm using my mind, right? Not really, because by the time it gets to me, what do I do? I go, "Oh, he had the burger. I feel like the salad." You always consult how you feel. Do I wanna go to that party tonight? I feel tired. Nope, I don't. And oftentimes, when you have to make a decision that is a decision that is for your higher self, you gotta push through negative feelings, don't you? You gotta join in with the future you that knows that getting out of the house and going to the party, once you get there, you're gonna feel great that you went. It's getting out the door that doesn't feel good. You gotta step onto the tour away from your feelings and with the future you. You gotta be your own tour guide at times. So I'm gonna go back to that, uh, thing that happened at that school where they separated the parents and the kids. Why? Because that school's smart enough to know that when a kid is around their parent, their parent's energy completely fucks with the kid's energy, and the kid starts acting in a way that will make their parents happy, and the kid starts turning around and going, "What do you think? What do you think about this? How do you feel about this?" instead of tuning in, "How do I feel about this?" That's what you need to ask. So let's get back to Mel Robbins, the disaster when it comes to trusting your gut. So when it came time for college graduation, I didn't have a job, and all of a sudden everybody scatters. Nobody tells you this part about college, that you're like with this pack and then, boom, everybody scatters, and you're like, "Oh my God, where's everybody going?" I didn't know what to do. I just panicked, and so I became such a reactive decision-maker. Remember how I said, if you're not careful, your emotions make the decision for you?My main emotion was, "I'm fucked. I don't want to be left behind. Oh, my God, I don't know what to do." And so, I just lurched at my boyfriend. He had a job at the Fed in D.C., I went with him. I get there, I have no idea what I wanna do, so I go get a temp job. The first job they put me in is working for a big law firm in Georgetown. I spent the first six months of that job sitting in a windowless conference room in Georgetown, working on a class action lawsuit where a bunch of states were suing, uh, some garbage bag company that had claimed that their garbage bags were biodegradable, and apparently, according to these states, they weren't biodegradable. So, I was part of this huge lawsuit as a just little, I don't even know what you call it. I was in a windowless conference room filled with boxes of paper, and I had in my hand this thing called a Bates stamp. And a Bates stamp is, like, um, you know when you go and you travel somewhere and they, like, stamp your passport? It's the exact same stamp, but it numbers and dates paperwork. And I hand stamped boxes of paperwork every day, all day, for months. I hated that job. I had so many paper cuts. I was bored out of my mind. The only thing that I looked forward to is that if I worked 10 hours a day, they gave us $30 for dinner. And so, I worked every day to get that damn free dinner, and I just stamped and stamped, and I swore to myself I would never ever work in a law firm. But then something happened. Everybody I knew started applying to graduate school, and I thought, "I don't wanna be left behind." Emotions. Did I ever stop and intentionally go, "What do I want?" No, I did not. Why? Because I was looking around. I was on a tour with everybody else. I was so busy going, "What is everybody else... Do they like this school? Are they going to s-... What am I doing? When are we going? Where are we going, everybody? I don't know." And so, I applied, where do you think I applied, everybody? Law school. Even though I knew deep down if I fast-forwarded and I looked at what my life would look like, every single lawyer in that law firm was freaking miserable. You could tell, they were miserable people. I was miserable there. I knew that I wasn't gonna be happy, but I was so driven by my emotion, I just started doing and reacting and, and panicking, and I followed everybody else, because everybody else in that windowless conference room, Bates stamping, they were applying to law school too. "I'm on the tour with these people, so I'm going." So, I get to law school, and here's the funny thing, I got wait-listed, and I knew... I was relieved. But again, the emotion, "I'm on the tour with everybody else, I'm not stopping to consider what's actually going to work for me." And so, I do everything I can to get off the wait list, and I go, and I get to law school, and I'm like, "I hate this. I hate this so much. I, I get panic attacks before I go to school. Maybe that's a sign that this isn't a place for me." Not for Mel Robbins, why? Because I'm still on a tour with everybody else. I'm still sitting in these classes with everybody else who seems to like this. I don't like this at all. I am having nightmares at night. I'm having panic attack after panic attack. Do I quit? No. Why? Because I am not able to center myself. I am so overrun by emotion. I am so overrun by turning around and going, "What do you think? What do you think? Should I quit? Should I not quit? What do you think?" "No, you should stick it out." "No, you shouldn't quit." I don't know what I'm gonna do. But here's what I did know. I knew that I didn't want to be a lawyer. I knew that I didn't see a future doing this, but I kept at it. Why? Because I was so influenced by everybody around me. And it's almost like when you step into a current like that, it's like jumping in the Colorado River. You start a major and all of a sudden, it takes you down the river, and it feels impossible to swim against the current, but it's not. It's not at all. But it takes courage, doesn't it, to say, "This isn't for me." It takes courage to go, "I don't want to work for a law firm or the attorney general this summer." In fact, that freshman year, there's this kind of infamous story about me that I got a job with the Michigan attorney general after my first year of school, because again, I didn't know what to do. Everybody seemed to be doing this and, and I didn't want to swim against the current. Why? Because it takes courage. But I got into this job, and here I am driving 45 minutes each way from North Muskegon, Michigan to Grand Rapids, Michigan. The entire drive, I was so anxiety-riven... ridden that I don't remember commuting for an entire summer. I was that out of my body. My whole body was like, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You don't want to do this." I would go into the attorney general's office, and I would sit and talk with the other interns most of the day. The attorney general pulled me aside and gave me this huge research assignment and said, "I want you to do a research project, Val, where you research all of the recidivism rates, meaning the rates of return to jail, among, uh, people, felons, because I want to kind of understand what types of crimes have people returned to jail. I want to know the recidivism rate so we can understand what programs are working and aren't working." I didn't crack a book. I didn't do the research project.I ghosted the Attorney General of Michigan. Near the end of the summer, I walked into work, I got called into his office, I made up some lie about how the project was going, and I left. I left. I ghosted, I quit. I literally ghosted before ghosting was a thing. I'm not proud of this, by the way. I, again, was undiagnosed with anxiety, undiagnosed with trauma. I was in the wrong place, and my body knew it. And that's the other thing. If you continue to go on the group tour and you continue to ask people, "What should I do? What should I do? What should I do?" you will waste decades of your life doing the wrong thing. And ultimately, your body and your spirit will have such a revolt that you will be forced to confront the truth, which is, you were not meant to be doing that thing, and you knew it, but you stuck with it because you didn't have the courage to do something else. And ultimately, I didn't have the courage. I graduated from law school, I ended up getting a job as a public defender. I actually loved that job, oddly enough, but we then moved to Boston and I was back in a fucking law firm. I could have worked anywhere else, but I was back in a fucking law firm. Why? Because it seemed like the easy thing to do. That's why I'm saying that trusting yourself, slowing down enough to go, "Wait a minute. How do I feel about this for real? Do I really see myself here? If I fast-forward and I go on a tour with my future self, I take myself on a tour of my life, is this the life I want?" Because if it isn't, you will know, and that's why I keep saying it's gonna require courage. And what ultimately happened for me is I didn't get courage. That, that's not even something that I can tell you that I got. What happened is I got pregnant and I had a baby. Her name is Sawyer. She's now 24 years old. And when I was on maternity leave, I had such a mental health breakdown that I finally got clear that I could not go back to that job, and that's all you need. See, you don't need to know what direction you need to head toward. You don't need to know where it's leading you, 'cause I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. That kind of clarity I hadn't had yet. I just finally had the courage to say, "I can't do this anymore. The gig is up." And remember what I also said? You hear the no louder than the yes. And so if you're sitting here going, "I gotta take... My future me has to take me on a tour. I gotta tune out what my spouse thinks, what my boyfriend or girlfriend thinks, what my family thinks," I gotta fast-forward and I gotta ask myself, "Do I picture myself in this life a year from now?" And if the answer is no, you damn well better get on a tour with the future you and start feeling out what do you wanna do. And all you need to know is not this, not this. Anything but this. Anything but this. And so I said, "Anything but this," and then you get into reality. And it's amazing what happens when you have a problem to solve. See, you're a great problem solver if you give yourself a problem to solve, and the problem that I had is, "Okay, if not this, then I gotta find something that'll pay me $60,000 a year because I got a mortgage to pay and I don't have a trust fund. And if I can find something that I can do for $60,000 a year that's not the law, I've just won the jackpot." And so I took myself on the tour with the future me who was not working in a law firm, and I'll tell you what, I have never hustled so fucking hard in my entire life. It took me four weeks flat to network my way into a job that paid $55,000, and that was good enough for me because I figured I'd do odd fucking jobs for $5,000 to cover the difference. And that's how I started to find the courage to follow what was true for me. So, whatever wake-up call you're having right now, because I think you're probably realizing there's an area of your life where you are literally kind of surrounded by loud voices, whether the loud voices are your own fear or your own story or the voices of your parents. I remember when we were gonna move to Southern Vermont and one of the things that I was really worried about is my mom and dad, because my mother-in-law lives here and, you know, we're gonna be living close to her and my folks are in Michigan and I know my mother does not like this state, uh, for various reasons, and I just thought, "Oh, God. Oh, God." And, you know, to their credit, they have been very supportive of the move, but I was on the tour with them, weighing the decision instead of being on the tour with myself. There's my dog barking. I can hear him in the background. We're up here above the garage in Southern Vermont. And so you gotta notice, when are you turning around going, "What do you think?" When are you realizing that you've taken all these other people on the tour with you when really you need the future year- you to go, "No, no, no. Come on over here. Let's just, uh, kind of time travel forward. Let's consider this decision of going back to nursing school. Let's consider this decision of stopping the crying and stopping looking backwards, and we're not doing that anymore. Let's consider what it looks like if you start to, like, put your life back together. Let's do that." And it's not easy. I'm not saying this is an easy thing to do. I'm saying it's the thing you need to do. There's a difference between something being easy and something being right. Uh, I, I noticed Jesse, who, uh, runs video production here, is starting to get all teary-eyed.

    2. GUGuest1:00:47

       (laughs) Shocking.

    3. Yeah, I, hearing you guys say that the, these life-changing moments, these pivots that you ultimately have to make yourself-

    4. MRMel Robbins1:00:57

       Mm-hmm.

    5. GUGuest1:00:57

       And you have to have the courage to make it yourself. I did that when I was a... It was after my

14. 1:01:04 – 1:05:11

    Jessie literally followed her heart and became her own “tour guide.”

    1. GUGuest1:01:04

       sophomore year in college. I was a pharmacy major. That was not my gut. I knew it going in, signing up for college. "Why am I... I don't wanna do, I don't wanna be a pharmacist, but I'm gonna do it. This is all I know. I'm gonna go to-"

    2. MRMel Robbins1:01:16

       Why was it all you knew?

    3. GUGuest1:01:18

       I worked in a pharmacy in high school.

    4. MRMel Robbins1:01:19

       Oh.

    5. GUGuest1:01:21

       Counting pills. After high school, I had my job at Harris Teeter grocery store. Loved it. Thought, "This is the only thing I know. Guess I'll be a pharmacist." (laughs) So, I just look back, hearing you guys say that, 'cause it's like, I'm just so proud of that 20, 21-year-old Jessie who made a fucking huge pivot and was scared shitless and did it.

    6. MRMel Robbins1:01:45

       Bring me to that moment.

    7. GUGuest1:01:46

       Um, it was the summer... I had to do summer school for Organic Chemistry 2. I passed Organic Chemistry 1, not so much Organic Chemistry 2.

    8. MRMel Robbins1:01:56

       (laughs)

    9. GUGuest1:01:56

       Which is why I had to do summer school. And I, I wasn't... I mean, I, I, I had to take a test. I was back home for the summer, took a test, and my professor pulled me after the test and was like... I don't remember his name, but he was like, "Do you, do you really wanna do this? 'Cause you didn't, you know, you're not doing so great in class." So, of course it's, "No. No, I, I don't. You called me out, thank you. I don't wanna do this. I'm not gonna under-... I'm, I can't wrap my head... Organic Chemistry is so hard, period. This is just not my thing."

    10. MRMel Robbins1:02:29

        Right.

    11. GUGuest1:02:30

        So after that, of course I sobbed. I'm going home, I've got all my books for the, I think it's the PSAT, the pharmacy school books that you take.

    12. MRMel Robbins1:02:37

        Mm-hmm.

    13. GUGuest1:02:37

        I'd been studying my ass off, trying to like, make this, just fit this into my life. So I, I was like, "I have to change my major. I don't know what I'm gonna do."

    14. MRMel Robbins1:02:47

        Mm-hmm.

    15. GUGuest1:02:48

        So changed it, um, to broadcast journalism. And here I am with a now 14-year career in broadcast, and I'm just so proud of that girl, 'cause she did it. And I have had such an incredible career so far that I'm really proud of, that is not pharmacy. It's what my heart wanted-

    16. MRMel Robbins1:03:14

        Hmm.

    17. GUGuest1:03:15

        ... that I always knew I wanted. I didn't know anyone going after this path. I didn't know anyone who wanted to do broadcast journalism. I didn't know anyone who was gonna stay an extra semester because I'd changed my major.

    18. MRMel Robbins1:03:27

        How did you know? Like, how did you find the courage, given that you were gonna have to stay an extra semester, that you didn't know anybody, that you didn't know the career path, you just felt pulled towards it. How did you find the courage to do it?

    19. GUGuest1:03:42

        Oh. I don't, I, I don't... (sighs) I wish I had a clear answer, but it was something that I wanted to just try.

    20. MRMel Robbins1:03:51

        Where did you feel it in your body?

    21. GUGuest1:03:53

        Oh, in my heart. In my heart, for sure. And-

    22. MRMel Robbins1:03:56

        'Cause-

    23. GUGuest1:03:56

        ... sure enough, when I changed my major and got, like with, changed all my classes and added an extra semester, I, when I went back to school that fall, I was like, "I'm, I have to find an internship." So I found an internship with the football program, and that was just again, like, "Good job, kid!"

    24. MRMel Robbins1:04:10

        (laughs)

    25. GUGuest1:04:11

        "You did that with no one helping you." But because I-

    26. MRMel Robbins1:04:15

        You helped you.

    27. GUGuest1:04:15

        ... wanted to. I was my own little tour guide.

    28. MRMel Robbins1:04:17

        There you go. You were your own little tour guide, and I think that is a huge takeaway from this. You have to be your own tour guide in life. You have to let the future you and the heart, and your, what you're drawn toward, go, "Hey, over here. Leave the pack and come in this direction." And when you do that, things magically align. And I think that's the other thing that, you know, Amy and I were just talking about, which is, we think we're going off alone, but there's actually a whole nother group of people you're catching up to.

    29. GUGuest1:04:48

        Yes. And now some of my best friends.

    30. MRMel Robbins1:04:51

        Yeah. You gotta, you gotta trust that. Oh my God, so cool.
15. 1:05:11 – 1:06:49

    Stop staying you don't “trust your gut” and start saying this instead.

    1. MRMel Robbins1:05:11

       which is a big one, or you are realizing that you have been on a tour heading in the wrong direction and it's time for you to find your future self and walk in a new direction, that's exactly what I wanted. I wanted this conversation to make your heart flutter and this conversation to may- remind you that you've done this in the past, and to remind you that you can do it again and again and again and again. And it will never not require courage, because it requires you to step out on your own.

    2. GUGuest1:05:43

       Hmm.

    3. MRMel Robbins1:05:44

       Beautiful. I really hope that you've gotten a lot out of this conversation, 'cause this is exactly what my vision is for our Monday episodes. Like, you and I are taking a walk together. And to me, what I've learned over the course of this week and all of these conversations is so powerful. We all know we need to trust our gut. That, like that's... duh. The thing is, how? And so takeaway number one that I want you to leave with is stop saying, "Trust your gut," and start saying, "I need to have the courage to make decisions that are right for me." Second, feeling, feeling, feeling. Give yourself the ability and the time and the, the quiet to drop into your body and feel whether or not the decision or the direction opens up possibility, makes you feel like you're growing and thriving, it levels you up. It may be scary as hell. I mean, think about Amy's story. How the hell are you gonna, like, do 12 months of revenue in one month? You have, you just declared

16. 1:06:49 – 1:08:55

    Take time to do this EVERY day, but especially when you have a big decision.

    1. MRMel Robbins1:06:49

       that? Who the fuck does that? You do.If it feels like a part of you is opening up, there you go. There's your decision. If it feels like a part of you is shrinking, "Oh, I'm going here because everybody in my family went here. I'm a doctor 'cause everybody in my family is a doctor. I live here because everybody lives here," that's not the right decision. And finally, when you do drop in and you allow yourself to step onto a tour with the future you, you're gonna feel the no first. Listen to it. You're gonna feel the yes 'cause it feels like an opening. Find the courage. All right. I think that's all that I got. In case nobody else tells you today, I love you. I don't care where you went to college. (instrumental music) I believe in you. I believe in your ability to tune out the noise, to step onto a tour with the future you, and to walk into the direction that you know is right for you. Alrighty, I'll see you in a few days. Go Dartmouth. (laughs) Oh, one more thing. It's the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. (instrumental music) Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for being here. If you enjoyed that video, by God, please subscribe 'cause I don't want you to miss a thing. Thank you so much for being here. We've got so much amazing stuff coming. Thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family. I love you. We create these videos for you, so make sure you subscribe. Mwah.

Episode duration: 1:08:55