The Mel Robbins PodcastStart Loving Yourself With THIS Simple Habit In The Morning | The Mel Robbins Podcast [ENCORE]
CHAPTERS
- 0:03 – 0:34
Why your relationship with yourself comes first (and the ‘High 5 Habit’ domino)
Mel frames the episode around the most important relationship in your life: the one you have with yourself. She introduces the High 5 Habit as a simple, action-based way to start shifting self-perception.
- •Self-relationship as the foundation for everything else
- •The High 5 Habit as the “first domino” for self-love
- •Quick tease of Chris’s discomfort with mirrors and self-regard
- 0:34 – 1:27
Chris joins the walk: setting the scene and why this conversation matters
Mel brings her husband Chris onto the show and explains the casual “walk and talk” format (construction noises included). She sets up why Chris’s perspective—especially on men’s emotional struggles—is important to hear.
- •Chris’s rare on-mic appearance and their candid dynamic
- •Vermont walk-and-talk vibe and informal tone
- •Mel’s intent: share something Chris told her that shocked her
- 1:27 – 3:17
Soul Degree origin story: rebuilding after business failure and creating a men’s retreat
Mel recounts the collapse of their restaurant business and how Chris took years to heal and reorient his life. This arc leads to founding Soul Degree, a confidential retreat designed to help men slow down and reconnect with themselves.
- •Aftermath of the restaurant business and personal fallout
- •Chris’s “healing years” and search for male connection/support
- •Soul Degree: five-day retreat with yoga, journaling, meditation, coaching
- 3:17 – 5:13
The 5 hidden struggles many men carry (needs, friends, money pressure, not-enough, meaning)
Chris lays out five recurring themes he sees in coaching and retreats, and Mel reacts to how universal—and often invisible—these struggles are. The list becomes the backbone for understanding why self-love feels so hard for many men.
- •Men often put everyone else first and lose touch with their own needs
- •Friendlessness/loneliness and weakened “friendship muscle” in midlife
- •Provider pressure and money as the yardstick of worth
- •The pervasive belief: “I’m not good enough”
- •Desire for a deeper, more meaningful life (hard to admit publicly)
- 5:13 – 12:40
The blank-page exercise: realizing you don’t even know what you want
Chris describes a coaching exercise where men write down what they want and need—many can’t. Mel highlights how startling it is to be so disconnected from self that needs and desires are inaccessible.
- •Paper exercise: list personal needs/wants
- •Many men draw a blank and need days to reflect
- •Difference between obligation-driven habits vs true self-care
- •How “gotta” replaces authentic desire
- 12:40 – 16:38
From provider mode to soul mode: why meaning creates internal conflict
They explore why pursuing meaning can feel like a threat to the identity of provider/protector. Chris explains that turning toward the self can feel like admitting something is broken, when it may be the ‘heart’ asking for attention.
- •Meaning-seeking can feel like abandoning “everyone else first”
- •Shifting from external metrics (money/status) to intrinsic values
- •Men default to problem-solving mode, not emotional listening
- •Reframing: not “broken,” but “my soul is talking”
- 16:38 – 20:06
The High 5 Challenge begins: Chris calls it ridiculous—then admits the real reason
After the break, Mel revisits the moment she asked Chris to do the five-day mirror high five. Chris shares that his strong rejection masked discomfort with encouragement and a deeper inability to meet his own gaze.
- •Chris’s initial reaction: ‘No way’ / ‘dumbest idea ever’
- •Mel cites large-scale testimonials and behavior-change potential
- •Core insight: it’s not the hand-to-mirror, it’s eyes meeting eyes
- •Resistance often signals pain rather than logic
- 20:06 – 28:31
Looking in the mirror and seeing ‘failure’: 15 years of self-judgment and expectations
Chris explains that the mirror triggered memories of not measuring up professionally and feeling like a failure as a provider. They connect this to career instability, societal expectations, and family-of-origin pressure (his father’s model).
- •Chris saw failure, regret, and unmet expectations in the mirror
- •Long timeline: feelings preceded the restaurant collapse (about 15 years)
- •Provider identity intensified shame around career changes
- •Lack of verbal affirmation in the grind compounded isolation
- •Early “should” template: father’s career cues and perceived standard
- 28:31 – 34:15
Why mirrors are so hard: slowing down, being truly seen, and men’s emotional invisibility
Mel and Chris name the central difficulty: stopping long enough to actually see yourself rather than look through yourself or critique flaws. Chris connects the emotion to how rarely men feel truly seen and heard on an emotional level.
- •Most people either ‘look through’ themselves or criticize appearance
- •Half of people struggle to look themselves in the eyes (as Mel notes)
- •Soul Degree’s power: creating slowdown so deeper work can happen
- •Men rarely feel truly seen/heard emotionally
- •Self-focus feels foreign when life is constant obligation
- 34:15 – 37:20
How repetition rewires: using every mirror as a reset when life knocks you down
Chris explains that transformation requires repetition and that life circumstances will keep interrupting any habit. They frame the mirror high five as an always-available ‘rejoin yourself’ moment—like a coach encouraging a player back into the game.
- •Repetition is required for real change
- •Use multiple mirrors throughout the day, not just morning routine
- •Habits get disrupted by setbacks; returning matters
- •High fives as coaching: congratulate, reassure, ‘shake it off’
- •Mirror moment as partnership with yourself
- 37:20 – 41:50
Chris’s shift: from self-hate to gratitude, acceptance, and naming depression
Chris describes how his reflection has changed: he sees wisdom, scars, and learning rather than only failure. He speaks openly about depression and how self-acceptance—and continued practice—supports forgiveness and pride.
- •He now sees age, wisdom, and hard-won learning
- •Accepting past choices with the tools he had at the time
- •Acknowledging depression and how it fueled resistance
- •Self-view evolves into pride: father, partner, person doing his best
- •High five becomes permission to honor the whole self
- 41:50 – 51:18
A message to men: start with forgiveness—and start in the mirror
Chris directly addresses men struggling with failure, addiction, depression, or shame, urging them to begin with self-forgiveness. Mel reinforces that the mirror is a concrete first step because compassion requires direct self-contact.
- •Direct appeal: you’re not alone in your struggle
- •Forgiveness is the starting point, though not easy
- •Mirror work as the practical entry point to self-acknowledgement
- •Changing actions toward yourself changes the story you live in
- •Self-compassion makes it possible to receive love from others
- 51:18 – 57:06
Listener story proof: a single mirror high five as the spark that restarted a life
Mel reads a powerful email from a listener describing anxiety, shame, panic attacks, and inability to look in the mirror. The listener recounts high-fiving herself in a client’s mirror, crying, and beginning a healing journey through therapy and learning.
- •Crisis spiral: rumination, shame, isolation, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts
- •Naming the inner critic/anxiety voice and creating distance from thoughts
- •The moment of change: stopping, looking, and high-fiving in the mirror
- •Afterward: therapy, education about trauma/ADHD/PTSD, calmer nervous system
- •Reinforcement: small action can create a new trajectory
- 57:06 – 1:01:20
The practical close: self-love is an action—send yourself into the day with your own support
Mel wraps with the core takeaway: love is not just a feeling; it’s demonstrated through actions, starting with how you treat yourself in the mirror. They end with mutual ‘I love you,’ a reminder that the work is yours, and a lighthearted high-five exchange.
- •Self-love defined as actions that demonstrate care and belief
- •Mirror contact as proof you’re worthy of compassion and forgiveness
- •You always have yourself—so you’re not truly alone
- •Mel’s sign-off ‘I love you’ and why it matters for listeners
- •Closing encouragement: the person in the mirror is doing the work
