The Mel Robbins PodcastStop Wasting Your Time: How to Deal With People Who Won’t Change & What to Do Instead
Episode Details
EPISODE INFO
- Released
- August 27, 2026
- Duration
- 1h 4m
- Channel
- The Mel Robbins Podcast
- Watch on YouTube
- ▶ Open ↗
EPISODE DESCRIPTION
There’s someone in your life you wish would change. You’ve pushed, reminded, and given advice. You’ve had the same conversation over and over. And somehow, you’re still stuck in the same frustrating cycle of fighting, nagging, lecturing, and hoping they’ll finally do something differently. There is a better way. In today’s conversation, Mel sits down with renowned behavioral scientist and award-winning NYU professor Dr. Dolly Chugh to unpack the surprising science of why people resist change and what really works. You’re going to walk away with some of the most powerful, research-backed tools Dr. Chugh teaches at NYU – tools that will change how you see difficult people, frustrating relationships, and your own ability to influence how others behave. You’ll learn: -The 3 things that really do help when someone you love won’t change -The simple question to ask before giving advice – so it doesn’t backfire -The 4-option question that reveals what someone needs from you in a difficult moment -The relationship tool that keeps small problems from turning into 10-out-of-10 fights -How to tell when “helping” someone is keeping them stuck -The 2 “bodyguards” in your brain that explain why you know better but still don’t do better -Why your brain can fight change even when you desperately want it -The surprising role “unlearning” plays in changing a habit or behavior If you’re exhausted from trying to change someone you love, this conversation will give you a different way forward – starting today – that feels lighter, more hopeful, and extremely doable. Your relationships will never be the same. And neither will you. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page: https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-429/. Follow The Mel Robbins Podcast on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themelrobbinspodcast I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode. In this episode: 00:00 Meet the Guest 02:21 The 2 Things Keeping You Stuck 07:34 Why It’s So Hard to Change 13:57 How to Learn From Your Mistakes 20:16 How to Stop Feeling Like a Failure 25:16 How to Get Other People to Change 27:37 3 Steps to Help Someone Change 33:28 Why People Don’t Take Your Advice 37:41 How to Deal With Difficult People 43:25 How to Give Feedback That Works 47:47 Do This to Stop Arguments 50:59 How to Support Without Enabling 56:07 A Simple Practice to Build Accountability 59:43 How to Keep Growing Without Burning Out — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah
SPEAKERS
Mel Robbins
hostHost of The Mel Robbins Podcast and author/speaker focused on motivation and behavior change.
Dr. Dolly Chugh
guestNYU Stern School of Business professor and social psychologist specializing in behavior, bias, and ethical decision-making.
EPISODE SUMMARY
In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, featuring Mel Robbins and Dr. Dolly Chugh, Stop Wasting Your Time: How to Deal With People Who Won’t Change & What to Do Instead explores stop trying to force change; model growth and protect agency instead Dr. Dolly Chugh explains why people resist change even when they “know better,” using two internal “bodyguards”—energy (autopilot) and ego (identity/agency)—that protect us from effort and threat.
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