The Mel Robbins Podcast

The Most Important Sex Advice No One Ever Told You: Revamp Your Sex Life in 10 Minutes

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. — Do you want to have better sex? Or even know how often you should be having sex – according to research? Today, Dr. Rena Malik, MD is in the house to answer all of your uncomfortable sex questions. Dr. Malik is an absolute powerhouse who is known for her viral, no-shame, straight-to-the-point advice on how to have the best sex of your life. She is a top urologist, pelvic surgeon, and sexual health expert – and she’s here today giving you the truth, based on medical research, on things like G-spots, orgasms, libido, and even erectile dysfunction. You’ll also learn the single biggest thing that you are getting wrong in your sex life, according to one of the top urologists in the country. Dr. Malik is an assistant professor at the University of Maryland School of Medicine and the Director of Female Pelvic Medicine & Reconstructive Surgery. She is also a researcher who has published over 100 peer-reviewed research articles, multiple review articles, and book chapters. You're going to want to share this conversation and all the juicy details with every one of your friends, and most importantly, your significant other. Great sex starts today. Dr. Rena’s website: https://renamalikmd.com/ For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page: www.melrobbins.com/podcasts/episode-183 Follow The Mel Robbins Podcast on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themelrobbinspodcast I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode. 00:00 Introduction 00:02:57: What is sexual health? 00:04:27: The biggest thing that we get wrong about our bodies when it comes to sex. 00:06:40: How to have better sex starting today. 00:08:09: The average person has THIS much sex a year. 00:11:01: How long should sex really last? 00:13:25: Here’s why foreplay is so important. 00:17:12: Grab a mirror and look at your own genitals, here’s why. 00:20:50: Is the g-spot in women real? 00:23:48: THIS percent of women are not able to have an orgasm. 00:26:05: Do this one thing to increase your chances of having an orgasm. 00:28:56: Squirting vs. Ejaculation: What’s the difference? 00:32:54: Can women actually squirt? 00:37:46: Should pain ever be normal during sex? 00:42:19: How to address what’s NOT working for you in the bedroom. 00:45:19: How to initiate sex and be in the moment. 00:49:10: When testosterone (the hormone of desire) is the highest for men and women. 00:51:21: The truth about whether or not the penis shrinks with age. 00:54:47: Reasons people feel shame around sex. 00:57:06: Porn and its effect on sexual expectations between partners. 00:58:21: How your mental health impacts your sex life. 01:01:31: How to reclaim your sexual health after experiencing trauma. 01:04:38: Masturbation techniques that can negatively affect men’s sex life. 01:11:58: Three ways to boost testosterone. 01:15:32: If you take one thing away from this, let it be this. — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

Mel RobbinshostDr. Rena Malikguest

Jun 12, 20241h 18mWatch on YouTube ↗

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Redefining Sex as Play: Science-Backed Secrets To Better Pleasure

Mel Robbins interviews urologist and sexual health expert Dr. Rena Malik about what truly defines healthy sexual function and pleasure. They dismantle media myths about sex, explain the actual anatomy and physiology of arousal and orgasm, and normalize wide variation in frequency, duration, and style of sex. The conversation covers communication, shame, aging, hormones, mental health, and erectile issues for men, emphasizing that sexual health is inseparable from overall health. Listeners are urged to see sex as play, advocate for their own pleasure, and seek medical help when something feels wrong.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Sexual health is health, not a separate or shallow concern.

Problems with desire, orgasm, pain, or erections are not just “bedroom issues”; they can affect mood, relationships, and may even signal underlying medical conditions like heart disease or hormonal imbalance.

There is no universal “normal” for how much sex you should have.

Average Americans have sex about once a week, but a healthy sex life is defined by mutual satisfaction, not a number—some couples thrive on 10 times a year, others on more; it only becomes a problem if one or both are unhappy.

Sex works better when you treat it as play, not performance.

Viewing sex as exploration and fun—allowing for awkwardness, variety, and even mediocrity—reduces pressure, encourages experimentation, and helps long-term couples break out of stale scripts.

Understanding and exploring your own anatomy boosts pleasure and safety.

Looking at your vulva with a mirror, locating the clitoris, understanding arousal changes (vaginal expansion, cervical lifting, lubrication), and knowing that most women need clitoral stimulation for orgasm all help you advocate for what you need.

Presence and communication dramatically increase the odds of orgasm.

Focusing on sensations instead of to-do lists, gently guiding your partner (verbally or non‑verbally), and talking about what you like—ideally outside the bedroom—makes sex more satisfying and reduces anxiety for both partners.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

Sex is the only time adults play, so we should allow ourselves to play and have fun.

— Dr. Rena Malik

There’s no benchmark you have to meet. It’s not about keeping up with the Joneses in the bedroom.

— Dr. Rena Malik

Most women never get enough stimulation for long enough to orgasm if sex is just penis-in-vagina for five minutes.

— Dr. Rena Malik

If sex is painful, that’s not normal. Something is going on and we can help you with that.

— Dr. Rena Malik

Look at yourself in the mirror and say, ‘I am deserving of pleasure.’

— Dr. Rena Malik

Redefining sexual health as integral to overall physical, emotional, and psychological wellbeingMedia myths vs. reality of sex: play, variety, awkwardness, and normal variabilityFemale anatomy, arousal, lubrication, clitoris, G‑spot/Skene’s gland, and types of orgasmFrequency, duration, and “normal” sex patterns across ages and relationshipsCommunication, vulnerability, and dealing with shame, insecurity, and porn-influenced expectationsImpact of hormones, menopause, mental health, and medications on desire and functionMale sexual health: erectile dysfunction, masturbation habits, testosterone, and cardiovascular links

High quality AI-generated summary created from speaker-labeled transcript.

Get more out of YouTube videos.

High quality summaries for YouTube videos. Accurate transcripts to search & find moments. Powered by ChatGPT & Claude AI.