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The Ultimate Guide to Friendship, Self-Esteem, & Anxiety W/ My 18 Year Old Son | Mel Robbins Podcast

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. — Lately, I’ve been getting a ton of questions from listeners about how to best support high schoolers and 20-somethings. There are lots of questions about #anxiety, #peerpressure, and getting young adults to open up. So, in this episode, I have a pile of your questions in front of me as my son, Oakley, and I go through them rapid-fire style, so you get both of our perspectives on the topics everyone worries about but is too afraid to talk about. I have to say, Oakley really showed up for this conversation for you. He has hilarious and heartfelt thoughts on topics he has firsthand experience with. We cover it all. From academic pressure to body image to bullying, this conversation is full of tools and strategies and is raw, unfiltered, and filled with relatable stories (and only a few f-bombs). You will learn: - What #teens and 20-somethings really need (and don’t need) from their parents (if you only get one thing from this episode, make this it) How to encourage the young men in your life to open up - The ONLY thing you need to do when your young adults come home in a bad mood - How to get unhooked from toxic popularity and cliques and find your people in school or in life - 3 smart strategies to use when your child is getting bullied that will strengthen your bond with your kid - An 18-year-old's surprising take on when to give your kid a cellphone - The must-use hacks for introverts who want to be more confident in school - How to get your kid to do chores (and still like you) - Strategies for handling your kid’s anxiety without yelling or freaking out - The best way to navigate curfews and late-night parties with your teen I can’t wait for you to hear this. I loved the questions and the advice. And as a mom, I couldn’t be more proud of Oak for how much wisdom he shared. I’d love for you to listen with your teenagers and 20-somethings. In fact, Oakley gives specific advice (including exactly what to say) to get your kids to listen to this episode at the very end of it. Xo, Mel In this episode: 00:00 Intro 02:27 Why is it so hard to get my teen to open up to me? 07:39 Here’s what to say to start a conversation with your child. 13:37 How can you tell who "your" people are? 18:40 What teens need (and don’t need) from their parents. 24:42 At what age do you think your teen should have a phone? 28:54 Two best hacks for introverted teens everywhere. 32:33 How can you help your kids find their friends? 37:07 My teen is a senior in high school, but he still has chores at home. 40:48 Oakley gives you a peek into his own anxiety to help your anxious teen. 45:38 How do you reassure your kid when he’s dyslexic? 50:31 The two qualities I think of first when it comes to curfews. 52:15 Here was my #1 desire for my Vermont home when it came to my kids. 55:57 I literally sat Oakley’s friends down and laid down two rules for hanging out. 59:28 So how do you get your teen to listen to this interview? #backtoschool #teenagers — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com​ — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins​?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

Mel RobbinshostOakley Robbinsguest
Sep 14, 20231h 3mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Teen Son Reveals Real Talk On Boys, Anxiety, Friends, And Parents

  1. Mel Robbins and her 18-year-old son Oakley answer listener questions about teens, focusing on communication, friendship, cliques, bullying, phones, school pressure, and anxiety.
  2. Oakley explains how teenage boys actually think and feel, why they shut down, and what kinds of support from parents are helpful versus intrusive or embarrassing.
  3. They cover practical strategies for handling hurtful comments, making and keeping healthy friends, managing anxiety (including therapy and medication), and supporting kids with learning differences like dyslexia.
  4. The conversation also addresses boundaries and expectations around chores, curfews, technology, and being the “hangout house,” emphasizing parents as coaches, not players, in their kids’ social lives.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Give teens space first, then invite conversation without forcing it.

When teens (especially boys) are angry or overwhelmed, they often need to physically remove themselves. Parents should let them go, watch for a re-entry cue (like coming back into a shared space), then gently ask, “I noticed you were upset—would you like to talk about it?” instead of prying.

Separate listening from fixing by asking what your teen wants.

Before offering solutions, use the line Oakley highlighted: “Do you want advice or do you want me to just listen?” This gives teens control over the interaction and reduces resistance, while still keeping lines of communication open.

Help kids move away from toxic cliques toward safe, loyal friends.

Cliques are closed, judgmental, and often shallow; real friend groups feel safe, trustworthy, and supportive. Encourage kids to notice who stands up for them in tough moments and to prioritize those relationships over “popular” but negative groups.

Coach kids on handling hurtful comments by reducing the payoff.

For everyday teasing, Oakley suggests disarming bullies by agreeing lightly or joking (“Yeah, my legs do look weird”), which denies them the emotional reaction they want. Parents can rehearse comebacks with kids and only step in directly when the behavior becomes dangerous, discriminatory, or clearly harmful to mental health.

Act like a coach: involved, supportive, but not playing for your kid.

Parents should advise, cheer, and set boundaries, but avoid taking over social conflicts or micromanaging their teen’s life. This “coach not player” mindset respects teens’ autonomy while still providing structure and safety.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

When you have a kid, you are a coach, and coaches never play in the game.

— Oakley Robbins (quoting his headmaster, then endorsing it)

You should always take what makes you happy over social standings.

— Oakley Robbins

Nine times out of ten, when people say hurtful things, it’s because they are in a world of hurt.

— Oakley Robbins

If it’s little stuff, name-calling, teasing—make fun out of it basically.

— Oakley Robbins

If your child decides to open up, ask, ‘Do you want me to give advice or do you want me to just listen?’

— Mel Robbins (described and endorsed by Oakley Robbins)

Why teenage boys shut down emotionally and how to re-engage themCliques, popularity, and how to find trustworthy, healthy friendsHandling teasing, bullying, and hurtful comments at schoolParent roles and communication: coaching vs. controllingPhones, social media, and when teens really need smartphonesTeen anxiety, therapy, medication, and sharing mental health strugglesDyslexia, self-esteem, and reframing learning differences as strengths

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