This One Study Will Change How You Think About Your Entire Life: The Cornell Legacy Project

Very old adults overwhelmingly regret the months and years lost to worrying about things they couldn’t control. Use their hindsight: when you catch yourself ruminating, redirect into concrete planning or get help (e.g., CBT) to reduce chronic worry.

Near the end of life, no one wishes they’d bought more or worked more for money, but many regret time not spent with children, partners, parents, and friends. Prioritize time, presence, and kindness in relationships now, especially in the ‘middle-age blur.’

Elders experience deep, lasting regret over infidelity, shady business, and serious betrayals—far more than over ordinary mistakes. Ask where you’re not being honest with others or yourself (about your job, relationship, habits) and correct course while you can.

Across thousands of interviews, people are far more haunted by the trips not taken, careers not tried, and chances not seized. Unless there’s a compelling reason to say no, lean toward yes—especially for reversible decisions and early exploratory steps.

Elders view partner choice as the single most important decision: look for shared values, similarity (“birds of a feather”), and friendship, not just chemistry. Listen if everyone who loves you strongly dislikes your partner, and observe how they behave during games, stress, and everyday conflicts.