The Mel Robbins Podcast

Your Grief & Heartbreak Will Get Better the Moment You Watch This

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. — In today’s episode, you’re going to learn what nobody tells you about grief and loss. Whether you’ve lost someone recently, years ago, or are anticipating a loss, this conversation will give you clarity, relief, and a way forward. Or if someone you love is grieving and you feel helpless and want to know how to support them, after this conversation, you will know exactly what to say and do. Joining Mel today is David Kessler, one of the world’s most renowned experts on grief and loss and bestselling author of eight books, who has spent more than 40 years helping millions of people through the hardest moments of their lives. David has lived profound loss himself, and he brings a rare combination of research, compassion, honesty, and hard-earned wisdom. What he shares today will change the way you understand grief, your own emotions, and what healing actually looks like. In this episode, you’ll learn: -The real reason grief feels so confusing (and why you’re not “doing it wrong”) -The biggest mistakes people make when they’re grieving -What to say (and what never to say) when someone you love is grieving - Why waves of sadness hit you out of nowhere - What grief bursts and love bursts are and what they mean -Why guilt is so common after loss and how to release it -How to carry your love forward without being trapped in pain -The surprising ways laughter and anger help you heal Today, David offers you a simple framework to live with more peace, grace, and meaning after loss. If you’ve ever felt alone in your grief, confused by your emotions, or pressured to “move on,” this conversation is for you. You are not doing it wrong. You are not alone. And with David’s clear, compassionate guidance, you’ll understand how healing can become possible. As a gift to listeners of The Mel Robbins Podcast, Mel has created a free 20-page workbook to help you make 2026 a great year. This workbook is designed using the latest research to help you get clear about what you want and empower you to take the next step forward in your life. Get it here: https://www.melrobbins.com/bestyear/ For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page: https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-352/ Follow The Mel Robbins Podcast on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themelrobbinspodcast I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode. In this episode: 00:00 Meet the Guest 12:16 Understanding Different Grieving Styles 18:03 There’s No Right Timeline for Grief 22:38 How to Handle Sudden Waves of Grief 27:00 How to Ask for Support When You’re Grieving 31:55 What Complicated Grief Feels Like and When to Seek Support 37:18 Allowing Joy Back Into Your Life After Loss 46:02 How to Find Meaning After Loss 1:00:58 Anger in Grief: Healthy Ways to Cope and Express What You Feel 01:03:11 What Is the Bargaining Stage of Grief? 01:07:36 How to Support Someone Who Is Grieving — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

David KesslerguestMel Robbinshost

Dec 18, 20251h 25mWatch on YouTube ↗

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Grief Expert Reveals How Fully Grieving Lets You Fully Live Again

Mel Robbins interviews grief expert David Kessler about the realities of grief, emphasizing that real healing comes from feeling grief fully rather than rushing to “move on.”
Kessler explains different grieving styles, why timelines and comparisons are harmful, and how judgment and guilt often block healing more than grief itself.
They discuss concepts like grief bursts, anticipatory grief, denial as a healthy defense, complicated grief, and how meaning is found after pain—not in the loss itself.
The conversation offers practical tools for grievers and supporters: how to show up, what (not) to say, dealing with guilt and anger, handling belongings, and slowly shifting from pain to remembering with more love than pain.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

There is no right way or timeline to grieve.

Grief is as unique as a fingerprint; early grief often lasts at least two years, and many people only seek help around the five-year mark. Forcing a timeline or comparing griefs creates shame and slows healing.

Judgment—internal and external—is one of the biggest blockers of healing.

Comments like “it’s time to move on” translate to “you’re doing grief wrong,” which people then internalize. Replacing judgment with validation (“you’re not crazy, you’re in grief”) helps grief move through instead of getting stuck.

Grieving styles differ, and “practical grievers” are not broken—just different.

Some people process loss pragmatically and move on quickly; they often don’t seek therapy and may not feel lingering grief. The key is not to go to practical grievers for emotional support if they lack the tools, and not to pathologize their style—or yours.

Grief often appears as ‘grief bursts’ and mixed emotions, not just constant sadness.

Sudden waves of tears or love years later are normal. Grief also shows up as anger, annoyance, foggy thinking (“grief brain”), or being overwhelmed, and recognizing these as grief can reduce self-blame.

Guilt and “if only” thoughts are usually attempts to avoid feeling helpless.

The mind prefers guilt (which feels like control) over helplessness. Listing all the “what ifs” and consciously reframing them as “even if…” helps acknowledge that many outcomes were never in your control.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

If people can find a way to grieve fully, they will live fully.

— David Kessler

The goal of grief work is to eventually remember with more love than pain.

— David Kessler

Our life was with them then; our life is with us now, and we have to continue to live it.

— David Kessler

What we run from pursues us, and what we face transforms us.

— David Kessler

Don’t give death any more power than it has. Death can take your loved one’s body; it cannot end your love.

— David Kessler

Why grieving fully is necessary to live fullyDifferent grieving styles (practical grievers vs. feeling grievers)Judgment, guilt, timelines, and comparison in griefGrief bursts, anticipatory grief, and complicated griefDenial, anger, and other misunderstood grief emotionsFinding meaning after loss (not in the loss itself)How to support others in grief and what to actually do or say

High quality AI-generated summary created from speaker-labeled transcript.

Get more out of YouTube videos.

High quality summaries for YouTube videos. Accurate transcripts to search & find moments. Powered by ChatGPT & Claude AI.