Modern WisdomWhat Are Women Actually Attracted To? - Catherine Salmon
At a glance
WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT
What Women Secretly Want: Porn, Rough Sex, Romance, and Power Dynamics
- Chris Williamson and evolutionary psychologist Catherine Salmon explore what actually attracts women, contrasting public narratives with revealed sexual and romantic preferences. They discuss research on porn reactions (including facial ejaculation), motivations behind rough sex, why women consume written erotica and true crime, and how fantasies differ from day-to-day partner choices. Salmon emphasizes evolved sex differences, sociosexuality, and novelty-seeking as key drivers, arguing that culture often pushes ideals (soft, feminized men) that don’t match women’s fantasies or behavior. The conversation closes by examining how evolutionary psychology collides with feminist narratives and why you can’t easily “morally” override sexual desire or the mating market.
IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING
5 ideasFacial ejaculation is judged less by the act itself than by context and expression.
Salmon’s study found that the biggest factors in how arousing or degrading a cum-shot-on-the-face image seemed were whether the recipient looked like they enjoyed it and whether the viewer’s sexual orientation matched the recipient’s sex; disgust sensitivity and sociosexuality also mattered.
Rough sex is more about novelty-seeking and arousal than aggression.
Data show that people who enjoy rough sex also tend to seek sexual novelty (public sex, sex toys, new experiences) rather than harboring generalized aggressive tendencies, and women often report faster orgasms when sex is rougher, suggesting heightened stimulation rather than hostility.
Women’s erotica centers on a powerful man’s intense commitment, not serial variety.
Dark romance and similar genres overwhelmingly feature strong, high-status, physically impressive male heroes who become devoted to one woman; if it were purely about explicit sex, the male lead would rotate, but the enduring appeal is a high-value man investing deeply in a single partner.
Women often prefer written erotica because it delivers richer context and customization.
Unlike visual porn, novels and fan fiction can develop a character’s personality, backstory, and commitment arc, allowing female readers to project their own ideal looks and traits onto the hero; this fits long-term mating fantasies better than standardized visual casting.
Female fascination with serial killers and true crime may mix threat-learning with attraction to ‘apex predators.’
Salmon suggests women may partly consume true crime to understand and avoid victimization but also to mentally pair with the most formidable male in a dangerous world—someone whose capacity for violence, if directed toward protection, is highly valuable.
WORDS WORTH SAVING
5 quotesWhat makes coming on somebody’s body degrading and coming inside them sacred?
— Catherine Salmon (paraphrasing a line that inspired her research)
The fantasies of women are not about generally men that they can push around. They’re about men that are useful if the world comes to an end.
— Catherine Salmon
Saying that, ‘Well, you should find this attractive,’ isn’t gonna make them find that attractive.
— Catherine Salmon
The market and sexual desire are two things that are very difficult to cheat.
— Chris Williamson
Every girl who goes to a romance novel convention would be happy to have one of the cover models go home with her and stay there.
— Catherine Salmon
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