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Modern WisdomWhy Nobody is Having Sex Anymore (& why it matters) - Dr Debra Soh
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At a glance
WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT
Sex recession: technology, shifting markets, and intimacy’s new constraints worldwide
- Multiple datasets show a broad decline in sexual activity—partnered and solo—especially among young people, with roughly one in three men and one in five women reporting no sex in the past year.
- The discussion links sexlessness to a mix of forces: internet/smartphone life, rising anxiety and depression, porn and other “proxy” sexual outlets, and possible biological contributors like endocrine disruptors and testosterone decline.
- They argue dating-market dynamics (hypergamy, widening education/earnings gaps, and skewed sex ratios in certain environments) make coupling harder and can incentivize non-commitment among highly sought-after men.
- Porn and social media are framed as reshaping expectations and arousal—affecting motivation, partner satisfaction, body image, and norms around aggression—while also driving cosmetic surgery and “looksmaxxing” behaviors.
- AI companions and sex robots/dolls are presented as fast-improving substitutes for connection that may further reduce real-world dating, sex, and ultimately fertility, unless people intentionally rebuild offline intimacy habits.
IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING
5 ideasSex is declining overall—not just shifting into solo or digital outlets.
Soh emphasizes that studies show decreases in partnered sex and even masturbation among adolescents, suggesting a broader drop in sexual drive/behavior beyond simple substitution.
The “sex recession” is strongly tied to modern convenience and avoidance of social risk.
Porn, apps, and AI reduce the need to face rejection, effort, and negotiation; for anxious or depressed people, low-friction substitutes can become default coping strategies.
Dating-market inequality may be a structural driver of sexlessness.
As women’s education/earnings rise relative to men’s, the pool of “acceptable” partners shrinks for many women, while high-status men gain leverage and commitment becomes less incentivized.
Hormonal contraception may change mate preferences and relationship stability for some couples.
They discuss evidence that suppressing ovulation can blunt sexual signaling and shift attraction priorities; coming off the pill later can reveal mismatches that were masked for years.
Porn is less about ‘instant addiction’ and more about habituated self-soothing—especially under anxiety.
Soh argues “porn problems” often correlate with anxiety, trauma, avoidance, and paraphilias; addressing root causes with therapy and lifestyle changes may be more effective than moral panic.
WORDS WORTH SAVING
5 quotesWe see consistently with multiple data sets that one in three men and one in five women have not had sex in the past 12 months.
— Dr. Debra Soh
So it’s not just that the pie of sexual activity has been redistributed… It’s that the overall size of the pie has gotten smaller too.
— Chris Williamson
If you hate the opposite sex, it’s gonna be very difficult to want to have a relationship with them or to date them.
— Dr. Debra Soh
Why is it… we’re not seeing the concordant amounts of antisocial behavior? …men are being sedated… through screens, video games, and porn.
— Chris Williamson
People f—do fall in love with their AI chatbots… They said, ‘My AI doesn’t remember me anymore.’
— Dr. Debra Soh
SPEAKERS
Chris Williamson
hostPodcast host of Modern Wisdom known for long-form interviews on culture, psychology, and self-improvement.
Dr. Debra Soh
guestSex researcher and author focused on sexuality, mating psychology, and related cultural trends.
High quality AI-generated summary created from speaker-labeled transcript.
