Dr Rangan Chatterjee

This Is Why You Break Every New Year’s Resolution — And How To Finally Stop | Shadé Zahrai

This episode is brought to you by: AG1: Get a FREE AG1 Green Steel Tumbler, 5 Travel Packs and Welcome Kit worth £80. Sign up for a subscription here: https://bit.ly/43FwxQl VIVOBAREFOOT: Get 15% off your first order https://links.drchatterjee.com/4nqvRI3 Most of us want our lives to feel calmer, clearer and more aligned. Yet so often, we hesitate, overthink or delay the changes we know would help us feel better. This week’s guest believes that what holds us back is not a lack of motivation or confidence, but a lack of self-trust, which is the foundation that shapes everything from our habits to our relationships. This week on, I’m joined by Dr Shadé Zahrai. Shadé is a behavioural researcher, award-winning peak performance educator and leading authority on confidence and self-doubt. In her new book, Big Trust: Rewire Self-Doubt, Find Your Confidence and Fuel Success, her message is simple: we need to stop getting in our own way, loosen the grip of self-doubt and learn how to back ourselves when it counts. Many of Shadé’s insights are shaped by her own journey. After years in corporate roles that were filled with intense self-doubt and even physical anxiety, she found herself starting again when the pandemic hit and her work fell away overnight. Creating simple videos from home to support others became an unexpected turning point - and ultimately the foundation of the work she does today. During our conversation, we discuss: ● Why self-trust sits at the heart of confidence, action and meaningful change, and how waiting to ‘feel ready’ keeps so many of us stuck. ● The four key attributes that make up self-trust, how our identity shapes our behaviour and why small daily choices become meaningful “proof points” of who we want to become. ● Why confidence doesn’t come first, and why self-trust, not motivation, is what allows us to take action. ● How repeatedly breaking promises to ourselves erodes our identity, and why keeping small commitments rebuilds a sense of capability and worth. ● The powerful connection between our inner narrative and our wellbeing, and how shifting our story changes the way we experience life. Shadé believes that we are not defined by our doubts but by the choices we make when doubt appears. This episode offers a compassionate, practical guide to strengthening the trust we place in ourselves and invites us to stop outsourcing our worth to external validation. Only then can we reconnect with our core values and begin living from a place of clarity and courage. #feelbetterlivemore Connect with Shadé: Website https://www.shadezahrai.com/ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/shadezahrai/?hl=e Tik Tok https://www.tiktok.com/@shadezahrai?lang=en YouTube https://www.youtube.com/shadezahrai Shadé’s book: Big Trust: Rewire Self-Doubt, Find Your Confidence and Fuel Success UK https://amzn.to/4bkuCHH US https://amzn.to/4947jk4 #feelbetterlivemore #feelbetterlivemorepodcast ------- Order MAKE CHANGE THAT LASTS. US & Canada version https://amzn.to/3RyO3SL, UK version https://amzn.to/3Kt5rUK ----- Follow Dr Chatterjee at: Website: https://drchatterjee.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drchatterjee Twitter: https://twitter.com/drchatterjeeuk Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drchatterjee/ Newsletter: https://drchatterjee.com/subscription DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

RCDr. Rangan Chatterjeehost

Jan 7, 2026·1h 58m·Watch on YouTube ↗

📖 CHAPTERS

1. 1

   Self-trust (not confidence) is the real antidote to self-doubt

   Shadé Zahrai reframes the opposite of self-doubt as self-trust, arguing that many people mistakenly wait for confidence before acting. Confidence typically arrives after action, through evidence that you can follow through.

2. 2

   Why New Year’s resolutions fail: broken promises erode self-trust

   Rangan connects failed resolutions to a corrosive pattern: saying you'll do something and not doing it teaches your brain you can’t rely on yourself. They discuss research showing many resolutions fail quickly and explore the deeper identity consequences.

3. 3

   Beliefs shape reality: the “scar study” and expectation bias

   Shadé shares a classic psychology experiment where participants believed they had a facial scar, even after it was secretly removed, and interpreted interactions as more negative. The lesson: internal beliefs filter perception through expectation and confirmation biases.

4. 4

   Your self-image is the “pot”: how limiting beliefs constrain potential

   Using a palm-tree-in-a-pot analogy, Shadé explains that self-image acts like a container that limits growth. Change begins by recognizing the container, then actively “repotting” through new beliefs and behaviors.

5. 5

   Personality isn’t destiny: research, childhood shaping, and deliberate intervention

   They discuss how early experiences shape traits, but personality can change with intentional effort. Rangan shares his shift away from competitiveness after inner work, and Shadé adds nuance on interpreting research responsibly.

6. 6

   To-do vs to-be: values, identity, and aligning professed vs expressed values

   Shadé introduces the “to-be list” and end-of-life reflection to clarify desired qualities and legacy. They connect values-based living to resilience through identity shifts (parenting, retirement), and discuss how lack of self-trust causes misalignment.

7. 7

   Attribute 1 — Acceptance (self-esteem): the hidden driver of high achievement and emptiness

   Acceptance is framed as the trainable behavior behind self-esteem—believing you’re worthy without performance. They explore how lack of acceptance fuels external validation, fragility under criticism, and the “arrival fallacy.”

8. 8

   How low acceptance shows up: pressure to prove, likability trap, shrinking, and schadenfreude

   Shadé outlines four common patterns that reveal poor acceptance. These patterns explain people-pleasing, fear of failure, playing small, and even enjoyment of others’ misfortune as a coping mechanism.

9. 9

   Strengthening acceptance: diversify identity with hobbies and embrace messy beginnings

   They highlight research linking hobbies to self-esteem and creativity, including Nobel Prize winners’ higher likelihood of having creative and performing arts hobbies. Hobbies create identity breadth, reduce role-identity fusion, and teach comfort with imperfection.

10. 10

    Attribute 2 — Agency (self-efficacy): imposter syndrome, comparison, and the knowing–doing gap

    Agency answers “Can I do this?” and is trained by acting before you feel ready. They connect agency to imposter syndrome, skill-based comparison, and the tendency to over-prepare rather than execute.

11. 11

    Agency in practice: cringing is a sign you started early enough

    Rangan and Shadé emphasize that competence comes from reps—podcasting by podcasting, not planning. Shadé shares how creating and scheduling content in bulk during COVID forced consistency, ultimately producing unexpected breakthrough growth.

12. 12

    Attribute 3 — Autonomy (locus of control): complaining, blame, resentment, and “why me” to “what now”

    Autonomy is explained via locus of control—whether life happens to you or you respond with ownership. They unpack how chronic complaining and victim narratives reinforce helplessness, and offer practical reframes using gratitude and action.

13. 13

    Autonomy grows through discomfort: luck surface area, micro-bravery, and facing storms like bison

    They argue that tolerating discomfort expands options, relationships, and “luck surface area.” Stories about bison vs cows and Christopher Nolan’s commitment to shoot in any weather illustrate how consistent action creates opportunity.

14. 14

    Attribute 4 — Adaptability (emotional grounding): observing emotions instead of obeying them

    Adaptability is the capacity to stay grounded when doubt and emotion arise, treating feelings as transient data rather than identity. They connect emotional contagion, rumination, and narrative identity—showing how editing your story changes your experience of life.

15. 15

    Final takeaway: plan for obstacles with implementation intentions to build Big Trust

    Shadé closes with reassurance—self-doubt is human and change is possible through rewiring. Her practical starting point is to clarify who you want to be, anticipate obstacles, and pre-decide responses so you can follow through consistently.