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Dr Rangan ChatterjeeDr Rangan Chatterjee

This Is Why You Break Every New Year’s Resolution — And How To Finally Stop | Shadé Zahrai

This episode is brought to you by: AG1: Get a FREE AG1 Green Steel Tumbler, 5 Travel Packs and Welcome Kit worth £80. Sign up for a subscription here: https://bit.ly/43FwxQl VIVOBAREFOOT: Get 15% off your first order https://links.drchatterjee.com/4nqvRI3 Most of us want our lives to feel calmer, clearer and more aligned. Yet so often, we hesitate, overthink or delay the changes we know would help us feel better. This week’s guest believes that what holds us back is not a lack of motivation or confidence, but a lack of self-trust, which is the foundation that shapes everything from our habits to our relationships. This week on, I’m joined by Dr Shadé Zahrai. Shadé is a behavioural researcher, award-winning peak performance educator and leading authority on confidence and self-doubt. In her new book, Big Trust: Rewire Self-Doubt, Find Your Confidence and Fuel Success, her message is simple: we need to stop getting in our own way, loosen the grip of self-doubt and learn how to back ourselves when it counts. Many of Shadé’s insights are shaped by her own journey. After years in corporate roles that were filled with intense self-doubt and even physical anxiety, she found herself starting again when the pandemic hit and her work fell away overnight. Creating simple videos from home to support others became an unexpected turning point - and ultimately the foundation of the work she does today. During our conversation, we discuss: ● Why self-trust sits at the heart of confidence, action and meaningful change, and how waiting to ‘feel ready’ keeps so many of us stuck. ● The four key attributes that make up self-trust, how our identity shapes our behaviour and why small daily choices become meaningful “proof points” of who we want to become. ● Why confidence doesn’t come first, and why self-trust, not motivation, is what allows us to take action. ● How repeatedly breaking promises to ourselves erodes our identity, and why keeping small commitments rebuilds a sense of capability and worth. ● The powerful connection between our inner narrative and our wellbeing, and how shifting our story changes the way we experience life. Shadé believes that we are not defined by our doubts but by the choices we make when doubt appears. This episode offers a compassionate, practical guide to strengthening the trust we place in ourselves and invites us to stop outsourcing our worth to external validation. Only then can we reconnect with our core values and begin living from a place of clarity and courage. #feelbetterlivemore Connect with Shadé: Website https://www.shadezahrai.com/ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/shadezahrai/?hl=e Tik Tok https://www.tiktok.com/@shadezahrai?lang=en YouTube https://www.youtube.com/shadezahrai Shadé’s book: Big Trust: Rewire Self-Doubt, Find Your Confidence and Fuel Success UK https://amzn.to/4bkuCHH US https://amzn.to/4947jk4 #feelbetterlivemore #feelbetterlivemorepodcast ------- Order MAKE CHANGE THAT LASTS. US & Canada version https://amzn.to/3RyO3SL, UK version https://amzn.to/3Kt5rUK ----- Follow Dr Chatterjee at: Website: https://drchatterjee.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drchatterjee Twitter: https://twitter.com/drchatterjeeuk Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drchatterjee/ Newsletter: https://drchatterjee.com/subscription DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

Dr. Rangan Chatterjeehost
Jan 7, 20261h 58mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Self-trust, not confidence, is the real key to lasting change

  1. Self-doubt blocks progress because people wait for confidence, but confidence is typically the result of action, not the prerequisite for it.
  2. Self-trust is framed as the upstream driver of health, relationships, performance, and happiness; breaking promises to yourself erodes that trust and fuels repeat resolution failure.
  3. Zahrai introduces a research-based “Big Trust” model built on four core self-evaluations—acceptance, agency, autonomy, and adaptability—that shape outcomes like career success and satisfaction.
  4. Beliefs and self-image act like a “pot” that limits potential; expectation bias and confirmation bias reinforce internal “scars,” shaping how people interpret reality.
  5. Practical tools include identity-based framing (“be a helper”), values-led “to-be lists,” micro-bravery for discomfort tolerance, and implementation intentions to plan for obstacles.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Stop waiting for confidence; take action to generate it.

The episode argues confidence follows proof points created by action—building self-efficacy and momentum—so “readiness” is usually a post-action feeling, not a precondition.

Keeping small promises to yourself is a direct self-trust builder.

Repeated follow-through becomes evidence that you can rely on yourself; repeated non-follow-through becomes evidence that you cannot, compounding self-limiting beliefs and resolution failure.

Shift from task-based goals to identity-based commitments.

The children study (“help” vs “be a helper”) illustrates that identity language increases follow-through; frame habits as “who I am” rather than “what I should do.”

Acceptance (self-esteem) is foundational—outsourcing worth creates fragility.

When worth depends on external validation, criticism becomes destabilizing; acceptance reduces impression management and supports aligned, values-driven behavior.

Use hobbies to break single-identity fusion and raise self-esteem.

Cited research suggests hobbies correlate with higher self-esteem and creativity; they also normalize being a beginner, reducing perfectionism and fear of looking incompetent.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

Most people are waiting to feel confident… when we look at the literature, that feeling of confidence actually doesn’t come first. It comes after you take action.

— Dr. Shadé Zahrai

One of the most toxic things… is say you’re gonna do something and not do it… you show yourself that actually I can’t trust myself.

— Dr. Rangan Chatterjee

You will never rise above your opinion of yourself.

— Dr. Shadé Zahrai

Being a parent is what you do. It’s not who you are.

— Dr. Rangan Chatterjee

Every obstacle you face is one of two things, a reason to grow or a reason to give up. The choice is yours.

— Dr. Shadé Zahrai

Self-trust vs confidence and the action-first loopNew Year’s resolutions and broken self-promisesIdentity, self-image, and expectation/confirmation biasThe “pot” metaphor and limiting beliefsFour pillars: acceptance, agency, autonomy, adaptabilityComplaining, victim mindset, and locus of controlDiscomfort tolerance, micro-bravery, and luck surface area

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