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What if Anna from Frozen set strong boundaries?

You probably know Kristen Bell as the star behind characters like Veronica Mars, Princess Anna from Frozen, and Eleanor from The Good Place. In this episode, Adam sits down with Kristen live at BetterUp’s Uplift leadership summit to examine how she’s learning to overcome her people pleasing tendencies and stop internalizing other people’s emotions. Kristen gets in character to demonstrate how to be honest without being unkind. She also makes the case that compliments are underrated, opens up about her strategies for dealing with envy, and offers a surprising theory of why we overexplain. Join us in person at a TED conference: https://tedtalks.social/events Become a TED Member to support our mission: https://ted.com/membership Subscribe to a TED newsletter: https://ted.com/newsletters Follow our podcasts! Podcasts: https://www.ted.com/podcasts Fixable: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/fixable How to Be a Better Human: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/how-to-be-a-better-human ReThinking with Adam Grant: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/rethinking-with-adam-grant TED Talks Daily: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/ted-talks-daily TED Business: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/ted_business TED Health: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/ted-health TED Tech: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/ted-tech The TED Audio Collective is a collection of podcasts for the curious. The TED Audio Collective videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy (https://www.ted.com/about/our-organiz...). For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request at https://media-requests.ted.com.

Adam GranthostKristen Bellguest
May 9, 20261mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:000:26

    Scenario setup: Elsa vents, Anna needs to set a boundary

    1. AG

      Imagine that you have someone close to you-

    2. KB

      Mm-hmm

    3. AG

      ... who is dumping their problems on you.

    4. KB

      Mm-hmm.

    5. AG

      And complaining a lot, and you need to set a boundary. Uh, so you can treat me as Elsa, and you're Anna.

    6. SP

      [laughs]

    7. KB

      Okay.

    8. AG

      What would you say when Elsa's dragging you down? And I, I can say rolling whenever you're ready.

    9. SP

      [laughs]

  2. 0:260:36

    Kristen Bell’s honesty: why boundary-setting is hard as herself

    1. KB

      Do you know what's so funny? I'm processing so fast right now. I couldn't do this as Kristen. I would have passed on that question because I don't know how to do that to someone.

    2. AG

      I know.

  3. 0:361:02

    Anna’s boundary script: stay connected while not carrying the burden

    1. KB

      But here's what Anna would do.

    2. AG

      Okay, ready?

    3. KB

      Okay.

    4. SP

      [laughs]

    5. AG

      Okay. Hold on, hold on.

    6. KB

      She would say-

    7. AG

      Rolling

    8. KB

      ... "Elsa, you know you're my best friend and sister, and we always will be. But when you have these really heavy problems, I'm not sure right now I'm strong enough to carry them. So let's lay them in between us, and I'll still be here with you, but I can't hold them right now."

Episode duration: 1:03

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