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Re:Thinking with Adam GrantRe:Thinking with Adam Grant

What if Anna from Frozen set strong boundaries?

You probably know Kristen Bell as the star behind characters like Veronica Mars, Princess Anna from Frozen, and Eleanor from The Good Place. In this episode, Adam sits down with Kristen live at BetterUp’s Uplift leadership summit to examine how she’s learning to overcome her people pleasing tendencies and stop internalizing other people’s emotions. Kristen gets in character to demonstrate how to be honest without being unkind. She also makes the case that compliments are underrated, opens up about her strategies for dealing with envy, and offers a surprising theory of why we overexplain. Join us in person at a TED conference: https://tedtalks.social/events Become a TED Member to support our mission: https://ted.com/membership Subscribe to a TED newsletter: https://ted.com/newsletters Follow our podcasts! Podcasts: https://www.ted.com/podcasts Fixable: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/fixable How to Be a Better Human: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/how-to-be-a-better-human ReThinking with Adam Grant: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/rethinking-with-adam-grant TED Talks Daily: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/ted-talks-daily TED Business: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/ted_business TED Health: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/ted-health TED Tech: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/ted-tech The TED Audio Collective is a collection of podcasts for the curious. The TED Audio Collective videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy (https://www.ted.com/about/our-organiz...). For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request at https://media-requests.ted.com.

Adam GranthostKristen Bellguest
May 9, 20261mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Kristen Bell role-plays Anna setting boundaries with Elsa’s complaints

  1. Adam Grant sets up a role-play scenario where a close person is “dumping their problems,” requiring a boundary.
  2. Kristen Bell admits she would struggle to answer as herself, highlighting how difficult boundary-setting can feel in real life.
  3. Speaking as Anna, Bell models a warm, relationship-preserving boundary that validates closeness while limiting emotional load.
  4. The suggested boundary reframes support as shared presence—staying with Elsa while not taking responsibility for carrying the “heavy problems.”

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Start with reassurance of the relationship.

Anna opens by affirming “best friend and sister” and permanence, which reduces defensiveness and signals the boundary is about capacity, not rejection.

Name your current limit clearly and personally.

The line “I’m not sure right now I’m strong enough to carry them” frames the issue as her present capacity rather than Elsa’s character or worth.

Offer an alternative form of support instead of a hard no.

Anna proposes “lay them in between us” and commits to staying present, shifting from absorbing the burden to witnessing it together.

Use metaphors to make boundaries feel collaborative, not punitive.

The “carry” versus “lay them down” imagery turns emotional labor into something that can be repositioned, making the request easier to understand and accept.

Role-playing can unlock language you can’t access as yourself.

Bell notes she would have “passed” as Kristen, but could do it as Anna—suggesting characters, scripts, or rehearsed lines can help people practice boundaries safely.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

4 quotes

Imagine that you have someone close to you-

— Adam Grant

I couldn't do this as Kristen. I would have passed on that question because I don't know how to do that to someone.

— Kristen Bell

But here's what Anna would do.

— Kristen Bell

"Elsa, you know you're my best friend and sister, and we always will be. But when you have these really heavy problems, I'm not sure right now I'm strong enough to carry them. So let's lay them in between us, and I'll still be here with you, but I can't hold them right now."

— Kristen Bell

Emotional dumping and complainingBoundary-setting with loved onesRole-play as a learning toolCompassionate phrasing and validationCapacity limits and self-protectionShared burden metaphor (“lay them in between us”)

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