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How to Tell If Fear Is Protecting You or Holding You Back | Extreme Athlete Nelly Attar

We tell ourselves the reason we never chase the big dream is that we're not ready, not brave enough, doomed to fail.

Simon SinekhostGreat Minds Nelly Attarguest

Jun 30, 202651mWatch on YouTube

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CHAPTERS

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Chapter summaries

Taking real risks to avoid lifelong regret
Simon opens by probing what could make public risk—beyond mere embarrassment—worth taking. Nelly frames her guiding principle: not trying would be more painful than potential failure, criticism, or repercussions.
- •Fear of failure and embarrassment keeps most dreams dormant
- •Nelly’s core driver: “If you don’t try, you’ll never know”
- •Distinguishing internal fear (ego) from external risk (real consequences)
- •Motivation comes from avoiding future regret
Creating Saudi Arabia’s first dance studio: a grassroots start inside a hospital
Nelly recounts returning to Saudi as a psychologist and finding limited access to sport—especially for women. What began as informal dance classes for hospital staff grew step-by-step into a larger movement community.
- •Career start as a psychologist; desire to move and help others move
- •Dance classes launched at her workplace with minimal infrastructure
- •Iterative growth: hospital → enclosed neighborhoods/embassies → broader network
- •Early uncertainty and mistakes didn’t stop momentum
“Dancing around the norms”: hidden logistics, public visibility, and real consequences
Nelly details why MOVE was genuinely risky: women’s organized sport wasn’t normalized, licensing didn’t exist, and music and public portrayal of women dancing were restricted. She describes the careful strategies used to respect norms while still building a safe, functional space.
- •Women’s sports and gym licensing weren’t formally supported at the time
- •Music in public spaces and showcasing women training could trigger trouble
- •MOVE relied heavily on word-of-mouth; Instagram presence was a risk
- •Operational workaround: waiting for men to leave the office building before classes
- •Staying respectful—not provocative—helped the community survive
Purpose over fear: impact becomes the fuel
Simon presses on what made the risks worthwhile, and Nelly lands on a simple answer: the impact on people. Once she saw how movement changed women’s energy and confidence, the mission outweighed the fear and the uncertainty.
- •Impact on participants mattered more than personal discomfort or risk
- •Small experiments created evidence and confidence to keep going
- •Purpose wasn’t pre-calculated; it emerged through doing and seeing results
- •Fear decreased as meaning and responsibility increased
No such thing as self-made: community as a courage multiplier
Nelly credits her family and early supporters as the emotional buffer that made continued risk-taking possible. Simon expands this into a broader critique of the “self-made” myth: support systems de-risk bold action and make resilience possible.
- •Family encouragement helped her take the first public steps
- •Community became a “buffer” through setbacks and embarrassment
- •Simon challenges the cultural narrative of the “self-made” individual
- •Love and support structures make courage sustainable
From dance to Everest: deciding to go bigger and training in the desert
Nelly explains how a post-Aconcagua dinner conversation sparked the idea of Everest, and how her mother’s support tipped the decision into action. She describes the unusual challenge of preparing for sub-zero altitude while living in extreme desert heat and limited mobility.
- •Everest idea proposed by a climbing partner; initial rejection then sleepless reconsideration
- •Mother’s belief became a decisive green light
- •Transition from dance into endurance sports and climbing over several years
- •Desert-based training constraints (heat, terrain, logistics) shaped her approach
Training obsession and the deeper “why”: proving women belong in extreme sport
Nelly breaks down the gritty preparation—hours on a StairMaster, simulated elevation gain, and remote coaching—focused on making herself capable and safe. Her motivation expands beyond personal achievement into representation and possibility for women in her region.
- •Coaching and structured training to reduce risk and increase competence
- •Extreme time commitment: multi-hour gym sessions and simulated climbs
- •Curiosity about human limits and adaptation drives her process
- •Purpose: normalize women’s presence in demanding athletic spaces
Climbing as service: protecting Sherpas, reducing burden, and cleaning up the mountains
Simon challenges the selfishness narrative of Everest, and Nelly agrees climbing can be self-centered—unless you actively reduce harm and support the team. She explains the responsibility to arrive prepared, budget for porters, and participate in environmental cleanup and education.
- •Preparedness is ethical: it protects the team and reduces reliance on others
- •Respect for Sherpas/porters as essential partners, not “paid help”
- •Cleanup initiative: collecting and recycling 1,000 kg of high-altitude waste
- •Training locals on Leave No Trace as part of a longer-term solution
Kindness as a daily practice: making work easier for others (on and off the mountain)
The conversation widens from expedition ethics to everyday life—coffee shops, mailrooms, and small gestures that make people feel seen. Nelly and Simon explore kindness as a consistent posture rather than a transactional tool, and how it restores purpose when you feel lost.
- •Service isn’t abstract; it’s for the people you meet and rely on
- •Small acts (names, please/thank you, eating together) create dignity and connection
- •Simon’s mailroom story illustrates how kindness builds real reciprocity
- •Nelly: helping others refills her sense of meaning during low periods
Helping others climb their mountains: leading trips that transform identity
Nelly shifts to her next chapter: enabling others to take on big physical challenges through trips, coaching, and local activations. She shares a story of a friend who rebuilt confidence through repeated adventures, turning doubt into capability and consistency.
- •Current focus: facilitating others’ growth through physical challenges
- •Inclusive leadership across different fitness levels
- •Bhutan trip story: daily adventures catalyze personal change
- •Socotra summit reinforces self-belief; self-care and consistency improve
K2 through grief: climbing after losing her father
Nelly identifies MOVE and K2 as her proudest achievements, then explains why K2 was deeply personal. After losing her father—her strongest supporter—K2 became a way to re-enter life, reclaim color, and live out the values he instilled in her.
- •Father as formative influence: authenticity, courage, early hiking experiences
- •His joy at Everest felt like her real summit
- •COVID period: business closure followed by profound loss
- •K2 as a vehicle for healing rather than a trophy goal
The brutal reality of K2—and the mindset that keeps you alive
Nelly underscores K2’s objective danger: a stark fatality rate and technical difficulty beyond Everest. She reframes the statistics into a disciplined plan—train, prepare, and do what successful climbers have done—without romanticizing the risk.
- •K2 is significantly more technical and demanding than Everest
- •Risk reality: roughly 25% of those who attempt don’t return
- •Reframing fear with data and preparation rather than denial
- •Outcome focus is replaced by process focus: train better, climb smarter
Retreat vs. giving up: strategic turning back and an infinite mindset
Simon asks about turning around, and Nelly draws a sharp line between quitting and retreating to preserve the ability to continue. They connect this to an “infinite mindset,” where events are chapters in a continuum rather than final verdicts on identity.
- •Turning back can protect future attempts and long-term participation
- •Examples: retreating on Annapurna; closing MOVE as a “retreat”
- •Language matters: retreat implies continuity and future options
- •Identity should not be fused with titles or accomplishments
Creating safe spaces and redefining fear: protective fear vs limiting fear + movement as medicine
Simon observes that Nelly recreates the supportive role her father played—building safe spaces where others test boundaries. In the closing questions, Nelly distinguishes life-threatening fear from discomfort-based fear, then reinforces her core belief that movement is essential to mental health because mind and body are inseparable.
- •Nelly’s deeper identity: helping others discover capability in safe, supportive environments
- •Protective fear: signals real danger and demands caution and preparedness
- •Limiting fear: discomfort, embarrassment, and growth resistance—meant to be moved through
- •Movement as medicine: humans are designed to move throughout the day
- •Mind-body unity: caring for the body supports psychological resilience

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