Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go!
Steven Bartlett (host), Paul C. Brunson (guest), Narrator
In this episode of The Diary of a CEO, featuring Steven Bartlett and Paul C. Brunson, Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! explores lower Standards, Raise Satisfaction: Rethinking Love, Sex, Marriage, Commitment Matchmaker and relationship expert Paul C. Brunson argues that modern relationships are suffering because expectations of partners are unrealistically high while self-awareness and relationship skills are low.
Lower Standards, Raise Satisfaction: Rethinking Love, Sex, Marriage, Commitment
Matchmaker and relationship expert Paul C. Brunson argues that modern relationships are suffering because expectations of partners are unrealistically high while self-awareness and relationship skills are low.
He challenges common myths about love, including that more sex equals happiness, never going to bed angry, total transparency, and “till death do us part” as a realistic goal for everyone.
Brunson emphasizes attachment styles, self-esteem, and well-being as the true foundations of lasting love, and urges people—especially serial daters—to examine their own patterns rather than blame the dating pool.
He also explores difficult topics like infidelity, porn, gendered double standards in illness and care, arranged marriage, and the pressure women face in the dating market, offering data-backed but often uncomfortable advice.
Key Takeaways
Lower your expectations of a partner and raise your investment in the relationship.
Brunson argues that modern couples expect one person to be best friend, co‑founder, co‑parent, therapist, lover, and life coach, which virtually guarantees disappointment. ...
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Serial daters need to stop blaming apps and start examining themselves.
People going on dozens or hundreds of dates often think they have a “supply problem,” but Brunson says the real issue is usually attachment style, self-esteem, and unrealistic filters. ...
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Self-esteem and well-being are more important than “matching values.”
Contrary to common advice, Brunson says shared values are not the top predictor of a good partner—especially since values change over time. ...
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Most popular relationship rules—more sex, never sleep angry, total honesty—are misleading or harmful.
Data shows that high satisfaction leads to more sex, not the other way around. ...
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Attachment-aware communication and regular “relationship talk” dramatically improve satisfaction.
Brunson and the host both describe how frequent, open discussions about the relationship—needs, doubts, unmet expectations, sex, and attraction to others—have transformed their partnerships. ...
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Arranged marriages and community-chosen partners often outperform “love marriages” on satisfaction.
Studies suggest arranged marriages in collectivist cultures can have equal or higher long-term satisfaction, partly because families rigorously vet character, resilience, and fit, while the couple themselves avoids early infatuation bias. ...
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Infidelity, porn use, and attraction to others don’t automatically end relationships—but secrecy and shame do.
Brunson notes that partners can recover from cheating and even end up more satisfied if they see a professional and are willing to do deep repair work. ...
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Notable Quotes
“We place too much value on longevity. The question isn’t ‘How long have you been together?’ It’s ‘How satisfied are you in your relationship?’”
— Paul C. Brunson
“If you are going on lots and lots of dates and still can’t find the right partner, the first place to look at is yourself.”
— Paul C. Brunson
“Most of us believe matching values is everything, but values change. What you really want is someone focused on their well-being, open‑minded, and resilient.”
— Paul C. Brunson
“It is healthy to have doubts about your relationship. The question is: are they growth‑oriented doubts or fear‑based doubts?”
— Paul C. Brunson
“The selection of our partner is, I truly believe, the most important decision that we will have, because it’s often life or death for us.”
— Paul C. Brunson
Questions Answered in This Episode
You argue that we should lower expectations of partners but raise investment in the relationship—how should someone actually renegotiate expectations with a current partner without making them feel 'less than'?
Matchmaker and relationship expert Paul C. ...
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For anxious–avoidant couples who recognize their pattern, what would a concrete 30‑day plan toward earned secure attachment look like, step by step?
He challenges common myths about love, including that more sex equals happiness, never going to bed angry, total transparency, and “till death do us part” as a realistic goal for everyone.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
You say arranged marriages can outperform love marriages on satisfaction; in Western contexts, how could we safely adapt 'family vetting' without recreating oppressive control or classism?
Brunson emphasizes attachment styles, self-esteem, and well-being as the true foundations of lasting love, and urges people—especially serial daters—to examine their own patterns rather than blame the dating pool.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Given the stark gender gap in leaving terminally ill partners, what specific conversations should women—and men—have before commitment to surface those hidden 'conditions' on love?
He also explores difficult topics like infidelity, porn, gendered double standards in illness and care, arranged marriage, and the pressure women face in the dating market, offering data-backed but often uncomfortable advice.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
You framed undisclosed porn/OnlyFans use as digital infidelity; what would a mature, practical conversation about porn boundaries sound like between a couple that fundamentally disagrees about its acceptability?
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Transcript Preview
Should you keep secrets from your partner?
This is big. Yes. And the data shows it will help to increase satisfaction and lower conflict in a relationship.
So give me an example of something that I shouldn't say to my partner.
Here's a juicy one. So ...
What about (censored) :
Oh, no!
(laughs) I'm sorry! Even when I say it out loud, I know it.
Paul C. Brunson is the world's most influential matchmaker. Who blends groundbreaking science, research, and over 15 years of expertise.
To prove that anyone can create unshakable foundations for long-lasting, life-changing love. I read about this study that says men are approximately 624% more likely to separate if the woman gets terminally ill.
Yes.
What the (censored) is going on there?
Typically, it's because there is a low level of satisfaction in the relationship from not having enough sex, for example. But this is a major issue, because 80% of relationships have a lower level of satisfaction today than any point in history. And part of that is because most of what we know about finding and keeping love has unfortunately been fed to us through lies.
Let's pause there, because I want to talk about those myths.
Okay.
So does having more sex increase the happiness in your relationship?
No.
What about having doubts in your relationship, is that bad?
That couldn't be further from the truth.
Really?
It's actually healthy to have doubts about your relationship, and this is why.
What about if someone cheats, is that the end of the relationship?
Brilliant question, and quite honestly ...
And then what are the most important qualities I need in a partner?
Okay, this blew my mind. So these are the three traits to have a phenomenal relationship. Number one ...
What the (censored) ? This has always blown my mind a little bit. 53% of you that listen to this show regularly haven't yet subscribed to this show. So could I ask you for a favor before we start? If you like this show and you like what we do here and you wanna support us, the free simple way that you can do just that is by hitting the subscribe button. And my commitment to you is, if you do that, then I'll do everything in my power, me and my team, to make sure that this show is better for you every single week. We'll listen to your feedback, we'll find the guests that you want me to speak to, and we'll continue to do what we do. Thank you so much. Good to see you again.
It's awesome to be here.
I'm gonna ask you a question that assumes that I don't know who you are-
(laughs)
... which is quite hard 'cause I know you very well. But who are you, and who are you to write these two books that I have in front of me, Find Love and Keep Love?
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