Jim Chapman: Overcoming Failure Anxiety, Finding Love & Life-Changing Therapy | E78

There's a lot of rumors surrounding Jim, and today, he addresses some of them for good.

My dad, he was out of my life from fairly young. He was arrested, he was in prison for a while. He was definitely sociopathic. I wonder what man I would be if he had stuck around. Oh, I've lost count the amount of times I've been called a cheater. Me and Tanya broke up just over two years ago, me and Sarah got together, as far as the world is concerned, a few months later. But obviously, that wasn't it, because the world only found out w- me and Tanya broke up when we decided to tell them. 'Cause I lost my shit the other day on, on social media. So I can take hate, I've got a thick skin. It doesn't, it bounces straight off, I don't care. This is my job. It's not a personal reflection on me. But when it comes to somebody calling my pregnant fiance the names they called her and saying that my baby should be miscarried, that's where I draw the line.

(Intro music playing) Some people come on this podcast and they're cagey. Sometimes they even try and bend the truth, protect their ego. Dare I say it, sometimes they even lie. Not my next guest. Completely, utterly, brutally honest. Raw, unfiltered and vulnerable. He's a British celebrity with six, or seven, or eight million followers. But you don't know Jim. You don't know Jim Chapman. Almost nobody does. Today, we're talking about success, the chronic curse of overthinking. We're talking about love, breakups, rumors, both of the similarities in our mindsets. We're talking about how you need to be a contradiction in various parts of your life if you're going to be happy, something I didn't realize until today, until this conversation. And we're talking about child abuse. Child abuse to an extent that most of us could, and should hopefully, never be able to imagine. We're talking about paralyzing anxiety, social media, its upsides and downsides, and what all of this life stuff is fundamentally about. Unavoidably, there's a lot of rumors surrounding Jim, and today, he addresses some of them for good. Without further ado, I'm Steven Bartlett, and this is the Diary of a CEO. I hope nobody's listening, but if you are, then please keep this to yourself. Jim, I always f- think the most important place to start when I have these conversations is getting to know the experiences that made you who you are today-

Right.

... because for me, that creates the context for everything we're about to discuss.

Uh-huh.

And a lot of the time, people don't really know those things. Um, so tell me about some of the experiences, when you were younger, when you were in school, um, that you think have contributed to the man you are today.

Okay. Um, I guess, and God, it's instantly gonna sound like a sob story, and it absolutely is not, this is a positive thing. I guess, the first thing this brings to mind is my dad. So, uh, my dad was... He did some bad things. Like, he, he abused my mum, um, from of- even before I was born. I got two older sisters who, um, you know, dealt with it as well. I don't think he ever turned a hand to them, but he verbally was very... I mean, even I remember that, and I was super young. I remember him being very, very hurtful and very unkind, and just b- bullying to, to my sisters. Um, I think he always wanted boys, so my brother and I were kind of like... I've got a twin, so we were like the, the prodigal children, I suppose. Um, i- uh, I didn't know this, 'cause obviously I was born into it, but it's not... It wasn't until I got a little older and I'd have like sleepovers at friends' houses, or I would just be in the presence of other people and their parents, and I'd be like, "Wait, your house isn't terrifying?" (laughs) "That's, that's, uh... This is great." You know? And I think I got... As I got slightly older, I realized that things weren't quite right, and it was one day, uh, my brother and I were in the room next door where we slept, my, my parents. And we walked in, and my dad was like on top of her, just beating the shit out of her, basically. And my brother and I, we were only tiny, we must've been like five or six, tried to pull him off, but obviously he was huge, so just pinged us away. And it was a, a wild night, you know, and the police came, took him away, um, et cetera, et cetera, just kind of... And he... I didn't know at the time, but he had been beating my mum and abusing her for years, but of course she was trapped. Now, my mum is a saint, but also, she doesn't tolerate fools. She's not... I think the thing about domestic abuse is a lot of people just go, "Oh, just get out of there. Just get out of there." It's not, it's not as simple as that. She had her kids to think of. I remember being in the car with my dad, and he would threaten to just crash the car and kill us all. He drove like a maniac, he was drunk quite a lot. My mum couldn't just leave with four children, because he found us... We, we, we tried to leave and he found us, you know? So I think, um, that, he's very much a cautionary tale for me. Um, he was out of my life from fairly young, but never fully out, because he, you know, he was taken away by the police, he was arrested, he was in prison for a while. But despite the fact that we had like a court order that he couldn't come near, he still came near all the time. At one point, he... Kidnapped is a very strong word, but at one point he took me, um, just kind of came to the window. And I was his son, you know, he was my dad, so I worshiped him, and I still didn't fully understand, so I remember going to the window and saying, "Mum's calling the police, you have to go." And he just sort of went, "Okay," and just took me with him and drove... We were in a bloody police chase, drove like super fast, and the police had to kind of, you know, stop him, pull him over. Um, it was, you know, it's, it's a... It was a very unsettling time for a child, but because of that, he was removed, and I spent most of my childhood being brought up by my mum and my big sisters. So I wanted for nothing, um, I was very well loved, very well protected, super well looked after. And I think actually, I, I often wonder, and I was having this chat with Sarah the other day, 'cause obviously we've got a child on the way, uh, and I was thinking, "I wonder what man I would be if he had stuck around, or if, or if we couldn't get away from him, or whatever it would've been." Um, and, you know, whether he wanted to or not, he taught me a lot of lessons, um, but I think mostly-... cautionary lessons because my family are bloody great. You know, there's, uh, I've got two big sisters. I've, I've got a mom, I've got a twin brother, and I would choose no one else on the planet to take those roles. If I had the choice, they would be the people I'd choose, 100%. Um, and he missed out on that because he was unwell, I would say. Um, he had MS. And I always remember him y- being a victim of it in a way. Like, my sister inherited from- it from him. And she's so positive with it. Like, she's not a victim. She doesn't let it beat her. She has times when she's tired. It gets on top of her, she has a little sob, she goes to bed. She recognizes the signs though, and she goes, "Right, okay, it's getting on top of me. I need to rest for a while." I remember my dad just being, like, a victim of it and being like, "Oh, it ruined my life. It did this." He used to play football, uh, from what I understand, a fairly high-ish level, like kind of ... H- he played for West Ham, not in the A-team, but something. And he was like, "Oh, the MS ruined it for me," which I'm sure it did, you know. There's no question with that. But y- life deals you cards, and you react, you behave in a way that y- that you see fit. Um, and he w- let the cards life dealt him, uh, ruin everything, I think. And I think because of that, he was angry. Um, I also, I mean, and I s- I don't say this lightly, but I think he was definitely sociopathic. He manipulated everybody. And a lot o- uh, a lot of it, my mom didn't even know about until we were clear from him, and then people started asking her for money because, you know, he owed it to them. I mean, he, he went to prison for, like, armed robbery or something. Like, he was d- just, you know, he did some really bad things. Um, so I think for me, that's kind of the first thing my mind goes to when someone asks me about kind of, um, childhood, um, formulation of me. But I don't necessarily think of it as a negative thing, 'cause actually, I think that because he was removed from my life by my protectors, by my mom, my big sisters, I had a wonderful childhood, you know. We didn't have any... When he was around, there was more money, because I think he stole a lot of money, and because he, he took it... You know, there was two parents earning, but also, he, he earned it by sort of nefarious means. Suddenly, we had no money, um, and my nan had to, like, buy the house that we lived in, and we stayed at my mom's best friend's for, like, a year or so because she took us in 'cause then we c- couldn't afford anywhere else. But I was safe, and I was happy, and I was like... My mom had more capacity to be a better mom because she wasn't constantly running for the hills, you know. So actually, I think that it's a really positive thing, um, that happened because imagine if he was still around. Imagine if he was still my father figure now. At 33, I'd be a mess, for one thing, I think, but I'd also be... I wonder if I'd be a, uh, not a nice man, and actually, I pride myself on being decent and kind. Um, and he missed out on that.