Dating Doctor: "Start Dating Like It's Your Job!" Dating Apps Are Impacting Us More Than We Realise!

Dating Doctor: "Start Dating Like It's Your Job!" Dating Apps Are Impacting Us More Than We Realise!

The Diary of a CEOAug 26, 20242h 22m

Dr. Orion Taraban (guest), Steven Bartlett (host), Narrator, Narrator

Global relationship and sex crisis (declining marriage, dating, and birth rates)Impact of dating apps on sexual marketplaces and inequalityMasculinity crisis, male invisibility, and performative masculinityFemale challenges in finding marriage‑minded partnersApplying business and economic models to dating and relationshipsSeduction, attraction, and communication skills (including “surface marketing”)Effects of pornography, OnlyFans, and future AI/VR on relationships

In this episode of The Diary of a CEO, featuring Dr. Orion Taraban and Steven Bartlett, Dating Doctor: "Start Dating Like It's Your Job!" Dating Apps Are Impacting Us More Than We Realise! explores dating Doctor Exposes How Apps, Porn And AI Reshape Modern Love Clinical psychologist Dr. Orion Taraban argues we’re living through a genuine relationship and sex crisis: marriage, dating, and even casual hookups are all sharply down despite unprecedented technological connectivity.

Dating Doctor Exposes How Apps, Porn And AI Reshape Modern Love

Clinical psychologist Dr. Orion Taraban argues we’re living through a genuine relationship and sex crisis: marriage, dating, and even casual hookups are all sharply down despite unprecedented technological connectivity.

He links this to dating apps concentrating attention on the top 10% of men, widespread pornography use dulling male drive and ambition, and confused gender roles that leave men invisible and women unable to secure long‑term commitment.

Drawing on economics and sales, he frames relationships as exchanges of value, where attractiveness, status, and behavior are ‘offers’ in a competitive marketplace—and where most people misjudge what they bring versus what they demand.

Taraban lays out practical strategies for men and women: “date like it’s your job,” improve your “surface marketing,” learn seduction as behavioral science, select partners more intelligently, and accept that love is a non‑negotiable gift, not a negotiable transaction.

Key Takeaways

Treat Dating Like A Serious, High‑Volume Job Search

Taraban stresses that a loving, secure, peaceful relationship is as rare as a job that is high‑paying, low‑stress, and passion‑aligned. ...

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Improve Your ‘Surface Marketing’ To Get Into The Funnel

Most people are filtered out at the top of the funnel—no matches, no dates, no second looks. ...

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Match What You Want With What You Actually Offer

In Taraban’s economic model, relationships form when people exchange unequal goods of comparable value. ...

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Attraction And Retention Are Different Problems

What gets someone interested rarely keeps them long‑term. ...

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Pornography And Digital Substitutes Drain Male Drive

Porn and, for women, attention‑economy platforms like OnlyFans and Instagram act as cheap substitutes for real relationships. ...

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Learn How To Communicate On The Emotional ‘Vibe’ Channel

Masculine communication is information‑driven; feminine communication is resonance‑driven. ...

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Narrow Your Criteria And Outsource Non‑Essential Needs

Taraban radically simplified his own partner criteria by asking which needs could be met outside a romantic relationship (friends, colleagues, hobbies) and which truly required a sexual partner (sex, strong attraction, soft feminine energy, and not being overly disagreeable). ...

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Notable Quotes

Most men are wallpaper, and the world does not treat men very well when they want nothing from them.

Dr. Orion Taraban

Everyone can be more attractive than they currently are. And on some level, the less conventionally attractive that you are, the more you have to learn seduction.

Dr. Orion Taraban

You cannot love something that you do not understand. You can only love to the depth of your knowledge.

Dr. Orion Taraban

If you give men the opportunity to exist in a sexually satisfied state, which is what pornography does, then they aren’t going to be having sex with real women.

Dr. Orion Taraban

If you want more, you have to be prepared to give more. And most people want a lot of things and don’t have a lot to offer.

Dr. Orion Taraban

Questions Answered in This Episode

You argue that porn drains men’s sublimated drive; have you seen any cases where quitting porn led to measurable changes in career success or relationship outcomes, and what patterns stand out across those men?

Clinical psychologist Dr. ...

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When you say everyone can be ‘more attractive than they currently are,’ where do you draw the ethical line between healthy self‑improvement and manipulative ‘surface marketing’ that sets partners up for that later crisis of disappointment?

He links this to dating apps concentrating attention on the top 10% of men, widespread pornography use dulling male drive and ambition, and confused gender roles that leave men invisible and women unable to secure long‑term commitment.

Get the full analysis with uListen AI

Your model suggests women naturally concentrate on the top 10% of men in deregulated markets; what specific structural or cultural changes (online or offline) could realistically re‑balance opportunities for the ‘invisible’ majority of men without disempowering women?

Drawing on economics and sales, he frames relationships as exchanges of value, where attractiveness, status, and behavior are ‘offers’ in a competitive marketplace—and where most people misjudge what they bring versus what they demand.

Get the full analysis with uListen AI

You’re critical of over‑therapizing relationships and emphasize selection and value exchange; for a couple already together and struggling, how can they distinguish between a problem that can be solved by better exchange versus a fundamental selection error that requires breaking up?

Taraban lays out practical strategies for men and women: “date like it’s your job,” improve your “surface marketing,” learn seduction as behavioral science, select partners more intelligently, and accept that love is a non‑negotiable gift, not a negotiable transaction.

Get the full analysis with uListen AI

Given your prediction that AI and VR companions will soon rival real partners, what concrete advice would you give a 16‑year‑old boy today to avoid getting trapped in virtual intimacy and instead build the skills needed for fulfilling real‑world relationships?

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Transcript Preview

Dr. Orion Taraban

When women are empowered to make their own sexual decisions, they target the top 10% of men.

Steven Bartlett

But why does any of that matter?

Dr. Orion Taraban

Well, that creates a lot of problems, both for men and women. So it creates problems for women because...

Narrator

Dr. Orion Taraban is a clinical psychologist who specializes in modern dating and relationships by delving into the psychological aspects of attraction, communication, and emotional intimacy.

Dr. Orion Taraban

The meteoric rise of dating apps has seen a catastrophic decline in all forms of relationships. Fewer people are entering into relationships. Fewer people are even hooking up anymore. It is a crisis, and a lot of the traditional strategies are no longer relevant.

Steven Bartlett

So where do you start?

Dr. Orion Taraban

First of all, date like it's your job. Lots of people just want a loving, secure, peaceful relationship. That's like wanting a job that's high-paying, low-stress, and you're passionate about. If you want one of those jobs, they're the needle in the haystack. You might have to send out 200 resumes, and you have to get over that rejection. Another thing, you get more opportunities for selection the more attractive you present yourself. And everyone can be more attractive than they currently are. And also, for the less conventionally attractive that you are, the more you have to learn seduction. And if you can do both, you'll be able to have all kinds of relationships.

Steven Bartlett

So how do I become more attractive and also learn the art of seduction?

Dr. Orion Taraban

So first of all, you need to...

Steven Bartlett

What role has pornography played in all this?

Dr. Orion Taraban

It has completely changed the game of mating and dating. If you give men the opportunity to exist in a sexually satisfied state, which is what pornography does, then they aren't going to be having sex with real women.

Steven Bartlett

So the man that comes to you with this problem, so what do you say to those men?

Dr. Orion Taraban

The advice I would give is...

Steven Bartlett

This is a sentence I never thought I'd say in my life. Um, we've just hit seven million subscribers on YouTube, and I wanna say a huge thank you to all of you that show up here every Monday and Thursday to watch our conversations. Um, from the bottom of my heart, but also on behalf of my team, who you don't always get to meet, there's almost 50 people now behind the Diary of a CEO that worked to put this together. So, from all of us, thank you so much. Um, we did a raffle last month, and we gave away prizes for people that subscribed to the show up until seven million subscribers. And you guys loved that raffle so much that we're gonna continue it. So every single month, we're giving away money-can't-buy prizes, including meetings with me, invites to our events, and 1,000 pound gift vouchers to anyone that subscribes to the Diary of a CEO. There's now more than seven million of you. So if you make the decision to subscribe today, you can be one of those lucky people. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Let's get to the conversation. Dr. Orion Taraban, can you give me the macro picture as it relates to the work that you do? When I say the macro picture, I mean, like, what is going on in the world now that is so interesting and important for us to un- understand? Before we start talking about the relationship dynamics that we're goin- going to talk about, what is that sort of macro picture at the moment, and how has that changed and changing?

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