World Leading Sex Therapist: How To Avoid Having Bad Sex: Kate Moyle | E73
Kate Moyle (guest), Steven Bartlett (host), Narrator, Narrator, Narrator, Narrator
In this episode of The Diary of a CEO, featuring Kate Moyle and Steven Bartlett, World Leading Sex Therapist: How To Avoid Having Bad Sex: Kate Moyle | E73 explores sex, Shame, And Expectations: Kate Moyle Redefines Modern Intimacy Norms Sex therapist Kate Moyle joins Steven Bartlett for a candid conversation about why so many smart, capable adults still struggle with sex, desire and intimacy. Using Steven’s own vulnerable relationship stories as case studies, they unpack low libido, performance anxiety, mismatched desire, and the difficulty of even talking about sex with a partner.
Sex, Shame, And Expectations: Kate Moyle Redefines Modern Intimacy Norms
Sex therapist Kate Moyle joins Steven Bartlett for a candid conversation about why so many smart, capable adults still struggle with sex, desire and intimacy. Using Steven’s own vulnerable relationship stories as case studies, they unpack low libido, performance anxiety, mismatched desire, and the difficulty of even talking about sex with a partner.
Moyle explains how unrealistic expectations, poor communication, cultural myths and porn-shaped scripts quietly sabotage relationships, and why desire naturally changes over time. She reframes sexual challenges as normal, workable issues rather than signs that we are broken or incompatible.
Together they explore practical ways couples can keep sex exciting, give feedback without crushing each other’s self-esteem, and renegotiate relationships in an age of dating apps, polyamory and weakening taboos around therapy.
The core message: good sex and strong relationships are not automatic; they are skills built through honest communication, realistic expectations, and a willingness to work with change rather than fear it.
Key Takeaways
Unrealistic expectations are a major modern relationship killer.
Moyle identifies “unrealistic expectations” as the single biggest killer of relationships today. ...
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Sex problems are usually relational and psychological, not proof you’re ‘broken’.
Issues like low libido, erectile difficulties, and trouble orgasming are extremely common and highly context‑dependent. ...
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Assumption is more damaging than rejection; replace mind‑reading with explanation.
In Steven’s story, his partner declining sex felt like a personal rejection, so he withdrew and started avoiding sex. ...
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Talking about sex is hardest with the person you’re having it with—but essential.
Ironically, the most intimidating person to discuss sex with is usually your partner because the stakes feel so high. ...
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To keep sex exciting, change small things regularly instead of chasing big stunts.
“Spice it up” doesn’t have to mean extreme kinks or a room full of toys. ...
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Porn and media scripts are terrible sex educators and fuel insecurity.
Moyle likens learning sex from porn to learning to drive from The Fast and the Furious. ...
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Successful relationships accept change and negotiate, rather than clinging to permanence.
Desire, attraction, bodies, circumstances, and even relationship structures change over time. ...
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Notable Quotes
“Sex, like everything else across our lives, has good days, bad days, average days, variability—but we expect there to be this constant.”
— Kate Moyle
“Sometimes the hardest person to talk to about sex is the person we’re having it with.”
— Kate Moyle
“Trying to learn about sex from porn is like learning to drive from watching The Fast and the Furious.”
— Kate Moyle
“The amount of sex we have is a red herring. The regularity doesn’t determine the satisfaction of it.”
— Kate Moyle
“Unrealistic expectations [are] the single biggest killer of relationships.”
— Kate Moyle
Questions Answered in This Episode
When a partner says, “I don’t like sex” but won’t talk about it, what are some concrete first sentences or scripts you’d recommend to open that conversation without triggering shutdown or shame?
Sex therapist Kate Moyle joins Steven Bartlett for a candid conversation about why so many smart, capable adults still struggle with sex, desire and intimacy. ...
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
In cases like Steven’s ‘physical incompatibility’ story, what practical options (positions, toys, medical evaluation, pelvic floor therapy, etc.) should couples try before concluding they’re fundamentally sexually incompatible?
Moyle explains how unrealistic expectations, poor communication, cultural myths and porn-shaped scripts quietly sabotage relationships, and why desire naturally changes over time. ...
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How can a couple distinguish between genuinely low libido and desire that’s simply buried under stress, resentment, or a lack of novelty, and what kind of ‘experiments’ would you set them for a month?
Together they explore practical ways couples can keep sex exciting, give feedback without crushing each other’s self-esteem, and renegotiate relationships in an age of dating apps, polyamory and weakening taboos around therapy.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Do you think mainstream porn can ever be integrated healthily into a couple’s sex life, and if so, what boundaries or discussions need to be in place to stop it from becoming an unhelpful script or addictive crutch?
The core message: good sex and strong relationships are not automatic; they are skills built through honest communication, realistic expectations, and a willingness to work with change rather than fear it.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
For entrepreneurs or high‑achievers who are deeply optimized for performance and efficiency, what specific daily or weekly habits would you prescribe to retrain their ‘relationship operating system’ toward presence, compromise, and emotional connection?
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Transcript Preview
... and it's the question everyone wants the answer to, right? (laughs)
Yeah, right.
Um, it's-
What is the single biggest killer of relationships in the modern age?
(music)
Let's talk about sex. Today's podcast is very, very different, but incredibly, incredibly important. Today, I'm sitting down with Kate Moyle, who is a sex therapist and a relationship therapist, to talk about some of the taboo topics which we don't normally discuss. Things like erectile dysfunction, sexual inadequacies, issues we all have in our relationships and sex lives. The single biggest killer of relationships in 2021. Sexual anxiety. How to keep a sexual relationship exciting, and everything in between. I'm gonna share some very personal sexual stories that I've never shared before. Some of the things that have gone well, and some of the problems that I've had that have caused relationships that have meant the world to me to end. This is a very, very honest, open podcast today. You know, this is why this is called the Diary of a CEO. And Kate is the perfect person to put them to. So, I think you're gonna enjoy this conversation. I certainly did. I feel very vulnerable sharing some of these stories with you. But as I always say, just keep it to yourself. So without further ado, this is the Diary of a CEO. I hope nobody's listening, but if you are, then please keep this to yourself.
(music)
Sex. I think, I think it's fair to say that everybody has some kind of challenge with sex, at least some point, uh, uh, you know, at least at some point within their life. And I am no different. In fact, my last relationship, which was a very, I thought, I, I, uh, genuinely at one point thought that was gonna be my wife. Um, the reason that relationship broke down was because of a sexual issue and a sexual issue that showed up about seven or eight months into the relationship. And, um, long story short, I know this isn't a therapy session but it kind of is as well, um, at some point, seven, eight months into our relationship, she told me that she didn't like having sex. And I didn't know what that meant. And as a guy that's never experienced that in my life, um, I read into it probably in a, the wrong way. But it def- it definitely made me insecure. I was like, "What? You don't like having sex? How is that possible?" And I thought that was some kind of, um, condemnation on me. I thought that was something negative towards me or something that I was doing wrong. And I tried various things. I tried to, to be a bit more and just list- you know, listen a little bit more to what she wanted and how she wanted it. And then it, you know, it, it, it progressively got to a point where I was getting in bed and I was shitting myself-
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