
Gender Expert: Men Are Emotionally Dependent On Women, We're Treating Them Like Malfunctioning Women
Richard Reeves (guest), Steven Bartlett (host), Narrator, Narrator
In this episode of The Diary of a CEO, featuring Richard Reeves and Steven Bartlett, Gender Expert: Men Are Emotionally Dependent On Women, We're Treating Them Like Malfunctioning Women explores richard Reeves Redefines Modern Masculinity Amid Men’s Growing Crisis Richard Reeves, author of *Of Boys and Men* and founder of the American Institute for Boys and Men, argues that men in advanced economies face a silent but severe crisis in education, mental health, relationships, and purpose.
Richard Reeves Redefines Modern Masculinity Amid Men’s Growing Crisis
Richard Reeves, author of *Of Boys and Men* and founder of the American Institute for Boys and Men, argues that men in advanced economies face a silent but severe crisis in education, mental health, relationships, and purpose.
He links this to a “cultural revolution” in which women’s economic independence has rightly exploded, but the traditional male script—provider, protector, head of household—has been torn up without a clear replacement.
Reeves contends that many men now feel “useless, worthless and unneeded,” which is reflected in surging male suicide rates, loneliness, and withdrawal from work, dating, and family formation.
He calls for a new, positive, non‑reactionary script for masculinity based on service, responsibility, and being “a man for others,” alongside concrete policy changes and cultural signals that men’s struggles are seen and taken seriously—without rolling back progress for women.
Key Takeaways
Men’s sense of being unneeded is central to their mental health crisis.
Reeves cites research showing men who die by suicide often describe themselves as “useless” and “worthless,” and argues the “most fatal place” for a human is to feel unneeded. ...
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Women’s economic revolution created a vacuum in male identity that hasn’t been filled.
Reeves celebrates women’s economic rise as “the greatest economic liberation in human history,” turning marriage from necessity to choice. ...
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Ignoring male problems cedes the conversation to reactionary influencers.
Reeves explains he wrote his book because mainstream, data‑driven institutions avoided the topic of boys and men, leaving a vacuum filled by polarizing online figures. ...
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Sex differences are real on average and should inform roles without justifying discrimination.
Using the idea of “overlapping distributions,” Reeves notes that men are, on average, taller, more risk‑taking, more thing‑oriented, and somewhat less emotionally expressive, while emphasizing the large overlap between sexes. ...
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Dating apps and delayed coupling are leaving many men romantically and sexually sidelined.
Reeves and Bartlett discuss how online dating concentrates female attention on a small top tier of men, mirroring historical patterns of polygamy: roughly half of men historically left no descendants. ...
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Fatherhood and community roles are powerful anchors; losing them harms men and children.
Reeves argues fatherhood was “invented” evolutionarily when humans went bipedal and needed men to provision highly dependent infants and their mothers. ...
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We need a language of mature masculinity, not “toxic masculinity.”
Reeves calls “toxic masculinity” itself toxic, arguing it often functions like a secular “original sin”—framing masculinity as an inherent flaw. ...
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Notable Quotes
“The most fatal place to end up in as a human being is to feel unneeded.”
— Richard Reeves
“Women used to be economically dependent on men, but men were emotionally dependent on women.”
— Richard Reeves
“There’s a danger that we treat men like malfunctioning women.”
— Richard Reeves
“If you’re not a man for others, then in my view you’re not a man.”
— Richard Reeves
“In order for women to become bigger, we had to make ourselves smaller. That is not the answer.”
— Richard Reeves
Questions Answered in This Episode
You argue that feeling unneeded is central to male suicide; what are three concrete things a local community (e.g., a town council, a school, a sports club) could implement within a year to systematically increase men’s sense of being needed?
Richard Reeves, author of *Of Boys and Men* and founder of the American Institute for Boys and Men, argues that men in advanced economies face a silent but severe crisis in education, mental health, relationships, and purpose.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
In your own couples therapy, your wife told you that you weren’t masculine enough—if a young man hears that from a partner today, how can he tell the difference between a healthy invitation to step up and an unhealthy demand to conform to rigid gender roles?
He links this to a “cultural revolution” in which women’s economic independence has rightly exploded, but the traditional male script—provider, protector, head of household—has been torn up without a clear replacement.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
You criticize the term “toxic masculinity,” yet some men clearly use masculinity as a cover for abusiveness; what language or framework would you use to talk about those genuinely harmful patterns without shaming masculinity as a whole?
Reeves contends that many men now feel “useless, worthless and unneeded,” which is reflected in surging male suicide rates, loneliness, and withdrawal from work, dating, and family formation.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Given the skewed dynamics of dating apps that you and Steven discussed, what specific, practical advice would you give to an average 22‑year‑old man who feels invisible online but still wants to build romantic relationships ethically and realistically?
He calls for a new, positive, non‑reactionary script for masculinity based on service, responsibility, and being “a man for others,” alongside concrete policy changes and cultural signals that men’s struggles are seen and taken seriously—without rolling back progress for women.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
You’ve warned that mainstream institutions avoiding male issues leaves the field to figures like Andrew Tate; what’s the most controversial or uncomfortable policy change you think governments or universities should make right now to show they genuinely take boys’ and men’s struggles seriously?
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Transcript Preview
It is pretty clear, partnerless men, childless men, they don't do so well. In fact, they do terribly. And in modern society, that's a problem. Richard Reeves is the founder of the American Institute for Boys and Men. An organization dedicated to researching and tackling the challenges faced by boys and men in modern society. We're in the early stages of a cultural revolution so that women are not economically reliant on men. Which is great. But one consequence of that is that it's put a big question mark next to the role of men, which used to be filled with a whole script of ways to be a man, ways to be a head of household, et cetera. Because of that, they're struggling. They're behind in education, wages have stagnated. You're seeing a massive rise of young men who are single, and now the suicide rate is four times higher and rising. They looked at the words that men used to describe themselves before taking their own lives, and the two most commonly used words were "useless" and "worthless." And the most fatal place to end up in as a human being is to feel unneeded.
You said the hardest thing you've ever done as a man is couples therapy. Why?
I was talking about what I'd done at home and how it's supported her career, and my wife said that, "You seem to think the problem is that you're not feminist enough. The problem is that you're not masculine enough." What I came to realize is that men feel like that in order for women to become bigger, we had to make ourselves smaller. That is not the answer.
So what would you do at a social level to fix things?
The most important move would be to s- (music stops)
We've just hit six million subscribers on The Diary of a CEO, um, so me and my team would like to do something we've never done before as a little thank you, and we're calling it the Diary of a CEO Subscriber Raffle, and here is how it works. Every episode this month, we're going to pick three current subscribers at random and we'll send one of you a 1,000 pound voucher, one of you tickets to come and watch The Diary of a CEO behind the scenes live with our team, and one of you will have a 10-minute phone call with me to discuss whatever you want to talk about. If you're a subscriber, you're in the raffle. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to do something that me and my team love doing so much. It is the greatest honor of my lifetime and I hope it, I hope it continues, uh, off into the future. Let's get to the episode. (instrumental music plays) Richard, you wrote a book called Of Boys and Men: Why the Modern Male is Struggling and Why it Matters and What to Do About It. Of all the things you could have done, why? Why did you do this?
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