World Leading Therapist: 3 Simple Steps To Remove Your Negative Thoughts: Marisa Peer | E154

I'd been a therapist for 35 years. And I worked with millionaires and movie stars, and I realized they have the same problem: "I just don't feel enough." Britain's number one hypnotherapist. The founder of Rapid Transformation Therapy, bestselling author- ... Marisa Peer. People who are depressed have a very interesting belief. One is, "There's no cure, you know. It's genetic. And even if there was, it wouldn't work for me." Can you change that belief very quickly? Yeah. But you have to take a look at, where did this happen?

How does one go about identifying which of these stories are the root cause?

Well, I think the first thing is-

You must have also faced some pretty heartbreaking cases. Tell me about one that comes to mind when I say that.

I think my saddest case was a boy of 14 whose father was hitting him with a belt. Nobody needs that. Oh, just excuse me for one minute.

No worries.

It's no one's job to make you feel good. It's your job. And if you give someone the job of making you feel good, then guess what? You give them the job of making you feel bad. If you can give yourself the certainty you're looking for, instead of looking for it somewhere else, the shift isn't subtle, it's profound.

So without further ado, I'm Steven Bartlett, and this is the Diary of a CEO, USA Edition. I hope nobody's listening, but if you are, then please keep this to yourself. Marisa, first and foremost, thank you for being here. As you will know, I'm a big fan of your work. I included m- much of, sort of something really pertinent t- that you'd said in my book as well, and I think that's how we kind of came c- became connected. Um, you spend so long helping other people and understanding them. I wanted to start today by understanding you a little bit.

Okay.

I want to go right back. I know that... So I did a little bit of childhood psychology as well.

Mm-hmm.

And that's- this is why your work i- is particularly resonant with me. But take me back to your childhood. I r- I read this, this quote you'd said, which I thought might be a good stage setter, which was, "When I was growing up, I struggled with the belief that I wasn't enough."

Mm.

"This belief followed me through my teens and right into my 20s." So-

Yeah, it certainly did.

So who was that child?

Well, you know, I had an interesting childhood. Later, someone in therapy said, "My God, your childhood sounded absolutely crazy." But it wasn't crazy, but it was interesting. I had a very beautiful mother who was deeply, deeply unfulfilled. Beauty meant n- gave her nothing. She, she wasn't some- a woman who could stay at home and be a mother. I had a father who was deeply, deeply intellectual. He was a head teacher, and he loved his career. And it was interesting watching this strange... My m- my father loved his career. He helped kids every day. He gave mi- gave him something. My mother was totally unfulfilled, always ill, a little bit hysterical. And I watched that, and I remember thinking, "You know what? You have to have a great job. You've got to get a job that's compelling and engrossing because it protects you from the pain." It wasn't, "If there's pain." It was, "There's going to be pain." My parents' relationship was a car crash. But if you've got an amazing career, then you'll be okay. So I always wanted something engrossing and fulfilling. But my father was very interested in other people's children, because they were easier to work with than his own. So, it was certainly an interesting life. But I don't regret any of it, because it gave me the ambition to also think, "Wow, you can help people." My father used to always say, "Helping people is what life is all about," because it was for him. He wasn't very good at helping my poor mother, but that's okay. So it was ... And it w- but there were lots of elements of my life that were strange. So for instance, I felt different. I was the head teacher's daughter, and I went to his school. And I realized later, that is the bane of people's lives, to be different, because we're all hardwired from birth to find connection and avoid rejection. When you feel different, then that can be really, really strange. But it made me understand human psychology very early on, what it's like to be different, what it's like to not fit in, what it's like when it looks perfect on the outside, but it's not really like that on the inside. So it stood me in very good stead. I think my childhood was the perfect background to be a therapist.