The Surprising & Unbelievable Dark Side Of Open Relationships: Aubrey Marcus | E242

The Surprising & Unbelievable Dark Side Of Open Relationships: Aubrey Marcus | E242

The Diary of a CEOApr 27, 20231h 47m

Aubrey Marcus (guest), Steven Bartlett (host), Narrator, Narrator

Childhood, parental archetypes, and inherited trauma patternsPsychonautics, psychedelics, and inner exploration as a path to awarenessBuilding and scaling Onnit with Joe Rogan: strategy, luck, and crisesEntrepreneurial mindset: seeing reality clearly, going all-in, and values-led decisionsPolyamory, jealousy, ego, and the emotional cost of open relationshipsConscious monogamy, conflict resolution, and radical ownership in loveCommunity-based healing and peak experiences (Fit For Service, breathwork, ceremony)

In this episode of The Diary of a CEO, featuring Aubrey Marcus and Steven Bartlett, The Surprising & Unbelievable Dark Side Of Open Relationships: Aubrey Marcus | E242 explores from Open Love To Empire: Aubrey Marcus On Power, Pain, Purpose Aubrey Marcus recounts his journey from a high-achieving but wounded upbringing through a string of failed businesses to building and selling Onnit, a $60M human performance company cofounded with Joe Rogan.

From Open Love To Empire: Aubrey Marcus On Power, Pain, Purpose

Aubrey Marcus recounts his journey from a high-achieving but wounded upbringing through a string of failed businesses to building and selling Onnit, a $60M human performance company cofounded with Joe Rogan.

He explains how psychedelics, plant medicine, and deep inner work helped him confront inherited rage, approval-seeking, and ego-driven ambition, transforming his mission from wanting to be “big” to wanting to serve humanity.

Marcus offers a detailed anatomy of Onnit’s growth—its pivotal coffee with Rogan, product-market fit with Alpha Brain, crises like a security breach and near-bankruptcy, and the cultural values that preserved trust.

In the second half, he dives into the brutal emotional reality of eight years of polyamory, why he ultimately chose monogamy with his wife Vylana, and the practices, responsibility, and radical ownership required to sustain a truly conscious relationship.

Key Takeaways

Modeling and unmodeling: you inherit both your parents’ greatness and their wounds, and it’s your job to consciously decide what stops with you.

Marcus grew up with four parental figures: a pioneering trader father, a SWAT-officer stepfather, an elite-athlete mother, and a naturopath stepmother. ...

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Inner awareness is the prerequisite for real change, and altered states can accelerate that awareness—but they are not a shortcut for external maturity.

At 18, a psychedelic ceremony dissolved Marcus’s sense of body and convinced him he had a ‘soul’ and a mission. ...

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Massive entrepreneurial success required ruthless realism about the market, a unique alliance, and absolute commitment once the opportunity appeared.

Onnit only became a “rocket ship” when Marcus combined three assets: a genuinely effective product (Alpha Brain, rooted in his stepmother’s nutraceutical expertise), a distribution megaphone (Joe Rogan’s then-undervalued podcast), and his marketing skill. ...

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Values-driven transparency in crises can transform potentially fatal blows into deeper trust and resilience.

Onnit suffered a serious customer-data breach and later a ‘cashpocalypse’ where they had zero cash and a CFO who quit, saying they’d be bankrupt in 30 days. ...

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Polyamory can catalyze extreme growth, but it is emotionally brutal and culturally unsupported; most people underestimate its psychological cost.

Marcus entered polyamory for philosophical and desire-driven reasons: he believed erotic love shouldn’t be owned, wanted to experience multiple ‘faces of the goddess,’ and refused to cheat. ...

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Conscious monogamy still requires constant work: rapid ownership, agreed tools, and eliminating the slow buildup of contempt.

With his wife Vylana, Marcus practices monogamy but emphasizes that the ease they experience is earned through ongoing practices. ...

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Community-based peak experiences can be a powerful technology for healing, provided they’re grounded in integration and long-term connection.

Marcus’s Fit For Service isn’t framed as a product but as a “Jedi school” for soul work in community: breathwork, sweat lodges, ecstatic dance, grief processes, communication practices, and nature-based quests that mimic psychedelic depth without always using substances. ...

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Notable Quotes

In that moment, I realized, like, I'm not gonna fly into a fit of rage and hurt somebody. That pattern broke for me. And that's where I stopped that lineage transmission and said, 'It stops with me.'

Aubrey Marcus

People always ask me, 'Can you believe what happened with Onnit?' And I was like, 'Of course I can believe what happened with Onnit. If I didn't believe that it could happen, it wouldn't have happened.'

Aubrey Marcus

I thought I was gonna breeze through polyamory. And then Whitney got her first partner and I felt like I was gonna vomit, cry, and punch a wall all at the same time.

Aubrey Marcus

I didn't know that I could love somebody like this. With Vylana it's like, 'I wouldn't change a thing about you.' There's no compromise.

Aubrey Marcus

The most important thing is full radical ownership. Without that, there’s an accumulating resentment that becomes the monster that eats love.

Aubrey Marcus

Questions Answered in This Episode

In practical terms, how did you and Whitney structure boundaries and agreements around polyamory at the beginning—and which specific boundary failures ended up causing the most damage?

Aubrey Marcus recounts his journey from a high-achieving but wounded upbringing through a string of failed businesses to building and selling Onnit, a $60M human performance company cofounded with Joe Rogan.

Get the full analysis with uListen AI

Looking back at that security breach at Onnit, what concrete steps would you advise a founder to put in place today—legally, technically, and in customer communication—so they can respond with the same level of integrity but less chaos?

He explains how psychedelics, plant medicine, and deep inner work helped him confront inherited rage, approval-seeking, and ego-driven ambition, transforming his mission from wanting to be “big” to wanting to serve humanity.

Get the full analysis with uListen AI

You’ve said you never fully mastered your jealousy in polyamory; if you were to design a ‘training protocol’ for someone determined to try open relationships, what staged psychological and relational work would you insist they complete first?

Marcus offers a detailed anatomy of Onnit’s growth—its pivotal coffee with Rogan, product-market fit with Alpha Brain, crises like a security breach and near-bankruptcy, and the cultural values that preserved trust.

Get the full analysis with uListen AI

During Onnit’s ‘cashpocalypse,’ what were the exact conversations and negotiation tactics you used with suppliers to get 90–120 day terms, and how can other founders ethically cultivate that level of trust before a crisis hits?

In the second half, he dives into the brutal emotional reality of eight years of polyamory, why he ultimately chose monogamy with his wife Vylana, and the practices, responsibility, and radical ownership required to sustain a truly conscious relationship.

Get the full analysis with uListen AI

In Fit For Service, have you seen any patterns where high-intensity experiences (breathwork, grief rituals, etc.) backfire without proper integration, and what safeguards or integration structures would you recommend to anyone creating similar community-based transformation spaces?

Get the full analysis with uListen AI

Transcript Preview

Aubrey Marcus

With Joe Rogan as my partner, we sold out in 12 hours. Zero to 60 million. (cash register rings)

Steven Bartlett

How?

Aubrey Marcus

Step one. (instrumental music plays) It was f- (censored) wild. (graphic crinkles) Aubrey Marcus. The man who built and sold Onnit with Joe Rogan. One of the fastest growing human performance companies in America. My mother was a professional tennis player. My father was a pioneer, and that was the driving desire. It's like, my parents were big, I know I can be big. And I was frustrated because nothing was happening. There were so many failures, and I really thought, like, "I'm just never gonna succeed." But I think the key moment for me was when Joe Rogan said, "I can meet you 30 minutes for coffee." I was starting a supplement company and I went to (laughs) Joe, "What supplement would you like the most? I'm gonna make the best one that's ever been made." That was the pivotal moment that changed everything. Alpha Brain, I really felt like I didn't wanna do anything without it. We sold out of that product in 12 hours. We could barely keep it in stock. From zero to 60 million, we were Inc. 500 fastest growing company over the next four years. I mean, I couldn't have designed a fantasy better.

Steven Bartlett

But it comes with a cost, right?

Aubrey Marcus

In that moment, I realized, like, I'm not gonna fly into a fit of rage and hurt somebody. You can see how much it still affects me. (heart beating)

Steven Bartlett

What happened? Before this episode starts, I have a small favor to ask from you. Two months ago, 74% of people that watched this channel didn't subscribe. We're now down to 69%. My goal is 50%, so if you've ever liked any of the videos we've posted, if you like this channel, can you do me a quick favor and hit the subscribe button? It helps this channel more than you know, and the bigger the channel gets, as you've seen, the bigger the guests get. Thank you and enjoy this episode. (instrumental music plays) Aubrey, when I read through your story, and a lot of people's story, what I tend to see is a series of almost dominoes that have fallen to make the person who they are today that stand in front of me. Can you take me to the first domino that you think was significant, um, in your life that fell to make the man that I see sat in front of me today, that I've spent the last couple of days learning and researching about?

Aubrey Marcus

I mean, the first domino is my mother giving birth to me, of course, right? Like, it starts from the drop. It starts... And we can't ignore all of the things that happen at birth that have nothing to do with us, and I was super blessed. My mother was a professional tennis player, went to the semifinals of Wimbledon, lost to Billie Jean King. Like, legit professional tennis player. My father was a commodities trader, and he was a pioneer in his field, so he was actually kinda stretching what the market and what the world understood about futures trading. He's written up in a book called Market Wizards. They split up really early, and so I got two more parents. My stepmother was a naturopathic doctor who worked with a lot of the NBA basketball teams and the Lakers in the '80s, the Knicks in the '90s, the Heat in the 2000s, but from the naturopathic side, not within the team aspect of it. And then my stepfather was a SWAT team squad officer, just big, badass-

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