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ADHD Chatter PodcastEllie Middleton details impact of late AuDHD diagnosis
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WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT
Ellie Middleton on masking, AuDHD, RSD, boundaries and life after late diagnosis
- Ellie Middleton explains that she was misdiagnosed with anxiety, panic disorder and depression through her teens before receiving ADHD and autism diagnoses at 24, and suggests masking hid the real picture from clinicians.
- She describes masking as morphing herself to fit each friend group, and says that after diagnosis she realized she had been masking as a different character rather than truly unmasking.
- She explains how her ADHD and autism clash day to day, and how she copes with practical systems like management reminders, an access rider and outsourced boundaries.
- She discusses how burnout, rejection sensitivity and being misunderstood affect her relationships, and shares tools such as code signals, a thought-reframing framework and asking loved ones for reassurance.
- She offers advice for struggling teens and closes with the idea of forward grief after diagnosis, alongside lighter segments about her ADHD item and a letter from the production team.
IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING
5 ideasMasking can lead to misdiagnosis
Ellie says that because she hid so much, clinicians only saw panic attacks and low mood, like a volcano that only shows its explosions, so she was treated for anxiety and depression. She notes eating disorders, bipolar and BPD misdiagnoses are also common.
Unmasking can turn into masking a new character
After diagnosis Ellie thought she was unmasking, but realized she was acting as the person she thought the neurodivergent community wanted her to be. She expects undoing masking to take far longer than she thought.
Masking protects the self from rejection
Ellie explains that if people reject a controlled character, they are not rejecting the real her. The cost is that others never get to respond kindly to her real self, so she never gets proof it is safe.
ADHD and autism can set each other up for failure
Ellie says her ADHD leaves things to the last minute while her autistic side gets stressed by missing information. She now uses management reminders, an access rider and outsourced boundaries to bring in a metaphorical parent.
Doing less lessens the intensity of burnout lows
After a book launch left her exhausted and sobbing, Ellie deliberately took on less and looked after herself through exercise, walks and eating better. Burnouts still happen, but the lows are less intense.
WORDS WORTH SAVING
5 quotesI think people talk a lot about the grief that comes with diagnosis of like looking backwards of like what could have been if I was diagnosed earlier. But I think actually there's quite a lot of grief looking forwards that comes up as well.
— Ellie Middleton
I think I almost just started masking as a different character rather than actually unmasking. Like, I thought that I was unmasking, but I was actually just masking as the person that I thought the neurodivergent community wanted me to be.
— Ellie Middleton
I've had to learn to explain things really well, because I've been misunderstood at every single opportunity my whole entire life.
— Ellie Middleton
if I'm my real self, then if they reject me, then that's personal." Whereas if I'm this, I don't know, person who's very careful about what they say, and I'm this very, like, uh, controlled character, then if they reject that character, they're not rejecting me.
— Ellie Middleton
my ADHD is a toddler, and I have to just give it what it wants.
— Ellie Middleton
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SPEAKERS
Ellie Middleton
guestAuthor and content creator who discusses her late autism+ADHD (AuDHD) diagnosis, masking, burnout, and coping strategies.
Alex Partridge
hostHost of the podcast ADHD Chatter, facilitating the interview and guiding the show’s segments and questions.
High quality AI-generated summary created from speaker-labeled transcript.
