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Stop Calling Your Kid "Defiant"

The biggest issue with “defiant” kids is our use of the word “defiant.” After all, labeling our children as “defiant” puts us in the mindset of seeing our child as the problem: They don’t listen! They’re purposely disobeying the rules! They always push back! In this week’s episode, Dr. Becky offers a total reframe: Defiance is actually a child’s struggle to regulate an urge *and* feel seen. Now, don’t worry—this doesn’t lead to taking an anything-goes, permissive approach. Dr. Becky shares practical strategies to put this framework into action, so you can show up as a sturdy leader, stay connected to your kid, and help your child build skills to reduce problematic behavior over time. Sounds like a total win, right? It is. Join Good Inside Membership: http://www.goodinside.com Follow Dr. Becky on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drbeckyatgoodinside Sign up for our weekly email, Good Insider: https://www.goodinside.com/newsletter Want More? Check these out: Deeply Feeling Kids Need a Different Approach - https://youtu.be/WQNM5EyDtKE How to End Power Struggles - https://youtu.be/mVVXi07wbUw Why Won't My Kids Listen To Anything I Say? - https://youtu.be/Rb7FSL1y3Oo Stop Calling Your Kid "Defiant" - https://youtu.be/DJXEYwgwNwY Motherhood Doesn’t Have to Be Martyrdom - https://youtu.be/ywJMtRHzqFY

Dr. Beckyhost
May 10, 202231mWatch on YouTube ↗

Episode Details

EPISODE INFO

Released
May 10, 2022
Duration
31m
Channel
Good Inside with Dr. Becky
Watch on YouTube
▶ Open ↗

EPISODE DESCRIPTION

The biggest issue with “defiant” kids is our use of the word “defiant.” After all, labeling our children as “defiant” puts us in the mindset of seeing our child as the problem: They don’t listen! They’re purposely disobeying the rules! They always push back! In this week’s episode, Dr. Becky offers a total reframe: Defiance is actually a child’s struggle to regulate an urge *and* feel seen. Now, don’t worry—this doesn’t lead to taking an anything-goes, permissive approach. Dr. Becky shares practical strategies to put this framework into action, so you can show up as a sturdy leader, stay connected to your kid, and help your child build skills to reduce problematic behavior over time. Sounds like a total win, right? It is. Join Good Inside Membership: http://www.goodinside.com Follow Dr. Becky on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drbeckyatgoodinside Sign up for our weekly email, Good Insider: https://www.goodinside.com/newsletter Want More? Check these out: Deeply Feeling Kids Need a Different Approach - https://youtu.be/WQNM5EyDtKE How to End Power Struggles - https://youtu.be/mVVXi07wbUw Why Won't My Kids Listen To Anything I Say? - https://youtu.be/Rb7FSL1y3Oo Stop Calling Your Kid "Defiant" - https://youtu.be/DJXEYwgwNwY Motherhood Doesn’t Have to Be Martyrdom - https://youtu.be/ywJMtRHzqFY

SPEAKERS

  • Dr. Becky

    host

    Clinical psychologist and parenting educator behind the Good Inside platform.

EPISODE SUMMARY

In this episode of Good Inside with Dr. Becky, featuring Dr. Becky, Stop Calling Your Kid "Defiant" explores rethink “defiance” as unmet needs, urges, and disconnection cues Labeling a child as “defiant” tends to trigger parental anger and punishment-mode, making productive connection and problem-solving less likely.

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