Good Inside with Dr. BeckyWhy Kids Saying No Is a Good Sign | Dr. Becky and Chris Voss
Episode Details
EPISODE INFO
- Released
- September 15, 2026
- Duration
- 54m
- Channel
- Good Inside with Dr. Becky
- Watch on YouTube
- ▶ Open ↗
EPISODE DESCRIPTION
Chris Voss is a former FBI lead kidnapping negotiator, bestselling author of Never Split The Difference, and founder and CEO of The Black Swan Group; a negotiation, training, coaching, and consulting organization that teaches people how to achieve better outcomes in high-stakes conversations. Today, he teaches some of these same skills to parents, and it turns out the thing that gets a hostage-taker to put down a weapon isn't that different from what gets your eight-year-old to put down the tablet. Obviously, kids aren't actual hostage-takers, but in this conversation, Chris and Dr. Becky get into why kids saying "no" is actually a sign of a healthy nervous system, not defiance. Why "how was your day" always gets you "fine," and the one-word fix that doesn't. Why asking your kid "why" almost always backfires, and what to ask instead. And the reframe Chris uses with his own team to get a reluctant partner, coworker, or teenager to actually engage: "are you against this?" Chapters 0:00 – Intro: when your kid says no 1:39 – Why "no" makes kids feel safe, not defiant 8:28 – "How" and "what" questions get kids thinking, not orders 13:24 – Mirroring 101: the tool that reopens conversation 15:26 – Fixing the "How was your day?" / "Fine." loop 21:31 – Mirroring an escalated "I hate you" 24:11 – The "before I disagree" cheat code 27:00 – "You're right" vs. "That's right" 34:01 – Why "why" backfires, and what to ask instead 39:44 – Nothing works all the time; you need what works most 44:08 – The power of a real apology 46:08 – Does repairing cost you your authority? 47:33 – The deepest question under every tantrum: "Am I real?" 51:48 – Getting a reluctant partner on board: "Are you against this?" Want more support navigating the moments that test you as a parent? Good Inside gives you the tools and community for that: https://www.goodinside.com Thank you to our partners for making this episode possible: Frida: Shop Frida at Amazon, Target, and Walmart today Airbnb: Host your home or book your next stay on Airbnb SmartyPants: Shop SmartyPants Vitamins at Target, Walmart, or Amazon today Care.com: For a limited time, you can use the code BECKY35 to save 35% on a Care.com Premium Membership.* Offer applies to initial term of Care.com membership subscriptions. Not applicable to add-on features or non-renewing access fees or services. Expires 10/31/26. Care.com does not employ or place any caregiver. Background checks are an important start, but they have limits. Visit www.care.com/safety. #goodinside #drbecky #chrisvoss #parenting #negotiation #communication
SPEAKERS
Dr. Becky
hostClinical psychologist and parenting expert; host of the Good Inside podcast.
Chris Voss
guestFormer FBI hostage negotiator and negotiation teacher/author known for mirroring, labeling, and calibrated questions.
EPISODE SUMMARY
In this episode of Good Inside with Dr. Becky, featuring Dr. Becky and Chris Voss, Why Kids Saying No Is a Good Sign | Dr. Becky and Chris Voss explores using negotiation tools to turn kids’ “no” into connection Chris Voss reframes kids’ refusal as an autonomy-protecting move and argues parents can use “no” strategically to create safety instead of escalating power struggles.
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