How to Find, Build & Maintain Healthy Romantic Relationships | Esther Perel

In this episode, my guest is Esther Perel, a world-renowned psychotherapist, relationship expert, and bestselling author. She explains healthy romantic relationship dynamics and how to achieve them. The answer includes curiosity not just about the other person but, more importantly, about who we can evolve into through healthy relating. Esther explains the fundamental differences and challenges in relationships formed at different stages of life. We also discuss relationship conflict and how to give and receive a true apology. Additionally, we discuss fidelity, breaches of trust, reviving relationships, and tools for understanding your needs regarding love and desire in a relationship. The episode will help listeners understand the key elements to find, build, and revive deeply satisfying romantic relationships. Access the full show notes for this episode: https://go.hubermanlab.com/5SqFgLG Use Ask Huberman Lab, our chat-based tool, for summaries, clips, and insights from this episode: https://go.hubermanlab.com/w4kl7s Pre-order Andrew's book, Protocols: https://go.hubermanlab.com/protocols *Thank you to our sponsors* AG1: https://drinkag1.com/huberman David Protein: https://davidprotein.com/huberman LMNT: https://drinklmnt.com/huberman Helix Sleep: https://helixsleep.com/huberman Function: https://functionhealth.com/huberman *Esther Perel* Website: https://www.estherperel.com Books: https://www.estherperel.com/books Turning Conflict into Connection (Course): https://www.estherperel.com/courses/turning-conflict-into-connection Where Should We Begin? (Podcast): https://www.estherperel.com/podcast Newsletter: https://www.estherperel.com/blog TED Talks: https://www.ted.com/speakers/esther_perel X: https://x.com/estherperel Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/esther.perel Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/estherperelofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@estherperel LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/estherperel *Timestamps* 00:00:00 Esther Perel 00:02:03 Sponsors: David Protein, LMNT & Helix Sleep 00:06:33 Romantic Relationships, Change & Self 00:11:18 Cornerstone vs. Capstone Relationships, Age Differences 00:16:53 Young vs. Older Couples, Dynamic Relationships 00:20:13 Identity & Relationship Evolution 00:26:00 Curiosity, Reactivity 00:30:29 Sponsor: AG1 00:31:59 Polarization, Conflict; Coherence & Narratives 00:38:21 Apologies, Forgiveness, Shame, Self-Esteem 00:45:00 Relationship Conflict 00:53:48 Sponsor: Function 00:55:35 Verb States of Conflict; Emotion, Narratives vs. Reality 01:00:10 Time Domains & Hurt; Caretaker & Romantic Relationships 01:08:03 Couples Therapy; Language & Naming 01:20:15 Sexuality in Relationships 01:26:20 Tool: Love & Desire, Sexuality 01:31:28 Infidelity, “Aliveness” 01:35:17 Intimacy, Abandonment, Self-Preservation 01:41:26 Erotic Blueprints, Emotional Needs 01:49:42 Tool: Repair Work, Relationship Revival; Sincere Apologies 01:59:30 Tool: Relationship Readiness 02:03:33 Zero-Cost Support, YouTube, Spotify & Apple Follow & Reviews, Sponsors, YouTube Feedback, Protocols Book, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter #HubermanLab #EstherPerel #Relationships Disclaimer & Disclosures: https://www.hubermanlab.com/disclaimer

Andrew HubermanhostEsther Perelguest

Sep 16, 20242h 6mWatch on YouTube ↗

EPISODE INFO

Released: September 16, 2024
Duration: 2h 6m
Channel: Huberman Lab
Watch on YouTube: ▶ Open ↗

EPISODE DESCRIPTION

In this episode, my guest is Esther Perel, a world-renowned psychotherapist, relationship expert, and bestselling author. She explains healthy romantic relationship dynamics and how to achieve them. The answer includes curiosity not just about the other person but, more importantly, about who we can evolve into through healthy relating. Esther explains the fundamental differences and challenges in relationships formed at different stages of life. We also discuss relationship conflict and how to give and receive a true apology. Additionally, we discuss fidelity, breaches of trust, reviving relationships, and tools for understanding your needs regarding love and desire in a relationship. The episode will help listeners understand the key elements to find, build, and revive deeply satisfying romantic relationships. Access the full show notes for this episode: https://go.hubermanlab.com/5SqFgLG Use Ask Huberman Lab, our chat-based tool, for summaries, clips, and insights from this episode: https://go.hubermanlab.com/w4kl7s Pre-order Andrew's book, Protocols: https://go.hubermanlab.com/protocols *Thank you to our sponsors* AG1: https://drinkag1.com/huberman David Protein: https://davidprotein.com/huberman LMNT: https://drinklmnt.com/huberman Helix Sleep: https://helixsleep.com/huberman Function: https://functionhealth.com/huberman *Esther Perel* Website: https://www.estherperel.com Books: https://www.estherperel.com/books Turning Conflict into Connection (Course): https://www.estherperel.com/courses/turning-conflict-into-connection Where Should We Begin? (Podcast): https://www.estherperel.com/podcast Newsletter: https://www.estherperel.com/blog TED Talks: https://www.ted.com/speakers/esther_perel X: https://x.com/estherperel Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/esther.perel Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/estherperelofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@estherperel LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/estherperel *Timestamps* 00:00:00 Esther Perel 00:02:03 Sponsors: David Protein, LMNT & Helix Sleep 00:06:33 Romantic Relationships, Change & Self 00:11:18 Cornerstone vs. Capstone Relationships, Age Differences 00:16:53 Young vs. Older Couples, Dynamic Relationships 00:20:13 Identity & Relationship Evolution 00:26:00 Curiosity, Reactivity 00:30:29 Sponsor: AG1 00:31:59 Polarization, Conflict; Coherence & Narratives 00:38:21 Apologies, Forgiveness, Shame, Self-Esteem 00:45:00 Relationship Conflict 00:53:48 Sponsor: Function 00:55:35 Verb States of Conflict; Emotion, Narratives vs. Reality 01:00:10 Time Domains & Hurt; Caretaker & Romantic Relationships 01:08:03 Couples Therapy; Language & Naming 01:20:15 Sexuality in Relationships 01:26:20 Tool: Love & Desire, Sexuality 01:31:28 Infidelity, “Aliveness” 01:35:17 Intimacy, Abandonment, Self-Preservation 01:41:26 Erotic Blueprints, Emotional Needs 01:49:42 Tool: Repair Work, Relationship Revival; Sincere Apologies 01:59:30 Tool: Relationship Readiness 02:03:33 Zero-Cost Support, YouTube, Spotify & Apple Follow & Reviews, Sponsors, YouTube Feedback, Protocols Book, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter #HubermanLab #EstherPerel #Relationships Disclaimer & Disclosures: https://www.hubermanlab.com/disclaimer

SPEAKERS

Andrew Huberman
host
Esther Perel
guest

EPISODE SUMMARY

In this episode of Huberman Lab, featuring Andrew Huberman and Esther Perel, How to Find, Build & Maintain Healthy Romantic Relationships | Esther Perel explores redefining Love: Esther Perel Explores Identity, Conflict, Desire, Repair Andrew Huberman and psychotherapist Esther Perel explore how our earliest attachment experiences shape adult romantic relationships, sexual desire, conflict patterns, and our evolving sense of self. Perel explains why modern love asks us to reconcile two core human needs—security and freedom—inside a single relationship, and why that is both possible and inherently challenging.

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