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Jay Shetty Podcast

BREAK The Cycle Of Self Sabotage & STOP Your Shame Spiral | La La Anthony

Today, I welcome La La Anthony, whose story is a shining example of self-discovery, resilience, and making a positive impact on the world.

La La AnthonyguestJay Shettyhost

Nov 13, 20231h 0mWatch on YouTube

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CHAPTERS

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Chapter summaries

Honoring Yourself: Healing Is Messy
Jay Shetty asks La La Anthony what hard thing she wants to honor herself for. She says she has learned that healing is messy with no time limit, and that she doesn't always have to act like everything is okay.
- •Jay notes his mom does hard things but sees them as normal
- •La La says healing is messy and comes and goes
- •Be kind to yourself and give yourself grace, as her mom reminded her
- •Triggers can pop up years later
- •Blessings in life don't shield you from feelings
What She's Healing Inside and the Myth of "Having It All"
La La describes healing feelings of abandonment and not being good enough, and the "why me" questions. The two discuss how social media hides reality and how money, fame and status don't remove life's problems.
- •Inner healing around abandonment, not feeling good enough and "why me"
- •Reminding herself that God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers
- •Comparison on social media means you'll always find a reason to knock yourself down
- •Jay encourages studying people you follow more deeply to see we're in similar places
- •Fame brings its own problems, like public criticism and opinions
Protection Through the People Who Really Know You
Jay says feeling most protected comes from people who truly know him, and La La says she draws energy from her family and ride-or-die friends. They then discuss how hard it can be to open up to friends.
- •Internal protection plus close people who know you at your core
- •La La's core group knows her ups and downs
- •Many people hesitate to share struggles with friends
- •Real friends are there through the good and the bad
- •Her friends showed up during her divorce and her son's surgery
Accountability Without Self-Blame After Divorce
La La says a friend's advice not to blame herself stuck with her during her divorce. She separates taking accountability from self-blame, and Jay says it isn't either/or.
- •Friends told her it wasn't her fault
- •Accountability means asking where you could have been better
- •Self-blame leads to a spiral
- •Learn from experiences so you don't repeat issues in the next relationship
- •Jay says responsibility isn't all or nothing
Work-Life Balance, Guilt, and Fear
La La explains how being career-driven led to neglecting relationships and herself, and how she felt guilty taking vacations. She traces it to fear and a competitive culture, and describes getting better at rest.
- •Overworking can make friends and partners feel neglected
- •She felt guilty on vacation despite working since age 16
- •Jay cites how many people in the US don't take their leave
- •Her badge of honor was outworking everyone, until burnout
- •She recently took her son to the Cayman Islands without guilt
Parenting a Teen: Best Friend or Parent?
La La says her 16-year-old son brings her happiness and has taught her patience. She argues her son can be her best friend while she still parents him, and Jay shares what it was like not having an open relationship with his parents as a teen.
- •She is proud of her son's humility and kindness
- •Her son taught her patience and unconditional love
- •She takes the side that a child can be a best friend and still be disciplined
- •Jay wishes he'd been friendlier with his parents as a teenager
- •Honest conversation works better than yelling
Mom Guilt and Drive in Acting and Producing
Jay describes complimenting a mother whose teen asked smart questions, which leads to mom guilt. The conversation then turns to La La's ongoing drive, her focus on acting, producing and her prison reform charity, and why she loves producing.
- •Mom guilt and self-blame are real
- •The best compliment is hearing her son is kind and humble
- •She remembers what not having felt like, which drives her
- •Producing lets her create instead of waiting to be picked
- •She wants to open doors for others
Handling Rejection and Trusting the Timing
La La explains how she now sees rejection as often unrelated to her talent. Jay shares how a TV show pitch that went nowhere led to friendships, learning and his own work, and both stress pushing past fear and disappointment.
- •Rejection continues at higher levels of success
- •Casting decisions often hinge on factors outside your control
- •Leading with grace toward the person who got the role
- •Jay's unsold show led to his podcast, book and tour
- •Keep moving forward rather than letting disappointment stop you
People Pleasing, Criticism, and Receiving Love
La La says she's working through being a people pleaser and the fear of not being liked, and her mom's advice to celebrate the people who show up. Jay and La La discuss fixating on negative comments, letting positive ones in, and taking feedback without the venom.
- •She wanted to be liked by everyone and is learning that's impossible
- •Celebrate the people who are there, not the one who wasn't
- •Don't give one negative commenter power over you
- •Jay lets positive comments sink in and wishes we'd receive love as seriously as hate
- •Take the constructive feedback and leave the spite
Prison Reform Work: Love and Environment
La La explains her charity ThreeSixty and what would surprise people about it: love and a change of environment can transform young men who have rarely heard they are loved. She describes how she breaks through at first and what drew her to the work.
- •Many young men have never heard "I love you" or "I'm proud of you"
- •Love without changing a toxic environment isn't enough
- •She starts with authentic conversation, empathy and no judgment
- •She sees them as either assets or problems in the community
- •Growing up around incarceration and being the mother of a young Black man motivated her
Rondo's Story and Collaborating on Reform
La La tells the story of Rondo, whom she met at Rikers Island, who got a job on release and is now speaking publicly on prison reform. Jay mentions Scott Budnick, and La La says this work requires a support system and partners like Reform Alliance.
- •Rondo started his job days after release and has traveled the country
- •Opportunity, a change of environment and love made the difference
- •Jay highlights Scott Budnick's passion and the film Just Mercy
- •You can't do this work alone
- •Reform Alliance guides her as she is new to the space
Life After Divorce: A New Normal and Co-Parenting
La La says people don't know how funny she is and that she's enjoying a new chapter. She explains that the hardest part of divorce is that life didn't go as expected, and she describes adjusting, co-parenting, and rejecting the idea of a traditional family.
- •She's not rushing into a new relationship and is going with the flow
- •No one prepares you for divorce
- •Her new normal still has hard days
- •She and her ex co-parent so their son feels supported
- •Nobody's life is truly traditional; do what works for you
Self-Love, Being Loved, and Closing Reflections
La La says she's learning to speak kindly to herself and to be open to love without needing someone to take care of her. The conversation closes with mutual appreciation, Jay's view that we are all equal at our essence, and her final message to be kind and patient with yourself.
- •Words hold power, so she speaks kindly to herself
- •She's open to love but unsure whether marriage is in the cards
- •She wants a partner who makes her feel happy and herself
- •Jay wants to see people as equals and offer a safe space
- •Her closing message: be kind and patient with yourself and don't blame yourself

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