By playing, you agree to uListen's Terms and Privacy Policy and YouTube's Terms of Service.

Jay Shetty Podcast

The ROOT CAUSE Of Trauma & Why You FEEL LOST In Life | Dr. Gabor Maté & Jay Shetty

Today, I talk to Dr. Gabor Maté. A celebrated speaker and bestselling author, Dr. Gabor Maté is highly sought after for his expertise on a range of topics, such as addiction, stress, and childhood development. Dr. Maté has written several bestselling books, including the award-winning In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction; When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress; and Scattered Minds: The Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder. He is also the co-author of Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers. His works have been published internationally in more than thirty languages. Dr. Maté generously shares his deep understanding of childhood trauma, vulnerability, grief, and emotional distress. He explains what real trauma is and how time doesn’t necessarily lead to healing, how vulnerability is ingrained in us since we are young and the importance of these formative years to mold our emotional health, and the societal expectations we always try to meet but have never truly given us real fulfillment. We also exchange thoughts on dealing with grief, how we struggle to identify with the people we look up to, and how childhood experience varies for every child even when they are raised in a similar environment. Trauma is a wound that has not fully healed which can be triggered at any point in our life so it matters that we are able to find a common ground and stay firm in what can give us healing, emotional stability, and happiness. What We Discuss: 00:00:00 Intro 00:03:12 How do you define trauma? 00:06:32 How is healing defined? 00:08:45 Time itself does not heal emotional wounds 00:11:38 We are all born vulnerable 00:13:55 The inherent expectations we all have 00:20:00 The societal standards we try to live up to 00:25:15 It’s not possible to love kids too much 00:29:35 Grief is essential for life 00:32:19 When the past dominates the present reactions 00:35:16 There is no healthy identification 00:42:11 Why are we set on things staying the same 00:44:38 No two children have the same childhood 00:50:19 The difference between loneliness and being alone 00:53:54 How do you see human nature? 01:02:24 Suffering has to be acknowledged 01:06:27 Getting closure and start moving on 01:10:04 Spirituality becomes commoditized 01:15:56 Dr. Maté on Final Five

Dr. Gabor MatéguestJay Shettyhost

Oct 24, 20221h 19mWatch on YouTube ↗

Summaries, chapters, transcripts, and FAQs on this page are made by uListen, not YouTube.

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Dr. Gabor Maté Redefines Trauma, Healing, Vulnerability, and Identity With Jay Shetty

Maté defines trauma as the psychic wound sustained inside a person rather than the painful event itself, which means it can be healed at any time, and he defines healing as becoming whole again rather than simply being cured.
He argues that children are wounded not only by abuse but also by unmet inherent needs, including unconditional acceptance, freedom to feel all emotions, and free play in nature, and he links modern conditions to rising anxiety, ADHD, and depression.
The conversation explores how vulnerability, which he notes literally means the capacity to be wounded, is essential for growth, while identification with roles, victimhood, or groups limits people and brings suffering.
Maté says human nature is not fixed but a potential shaped by whether needs are met, and he ties loneliness, isolation, and materialist values to growing sensitivity and distress in society.
On healing at a collective and personal level, he stresses that suffering must be acknowledged, that people should not wait for apologies from others, and that the work is ultimately internal, illustrated by Edith Eger's forgiveness of Hitler.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Trauma is the inner wound, not the event

Maté says trauma is not what happened but what happened inside the person as a result, which is good news because the wound can be healed even when the past cannot be changed.

Time does not heal by itself

Maté says unhealed wounds can lie dormant and then be triggered, so they show up with full painful impact until a person does some work to heal.

Vulnerability is necessary for growth

Using the examples of the molting crab and the soft growing tree, Maté says that defenses like needing to be right stop growth, and letting go of them is required.

Children are wounded by unmet needs, not just mistreatment

He lists unconditional acceptance, not having to work for the relationship, freedom to feel all emotions, and free play in nature as essential needs, and says society often fails to meet them despite parents' love.

Mollycoddling comes from parental anxiety, not too much love

Maté says it's not possible to love a child too much, and that overprotection reflects the parents' own anxieties and unmet needs, which children absorb.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

Trauma is not what happened to you. Trauma is the wound that they sustained as a result.

— Dr. Gabor Maté

A tree doesn't grow where it's hard and thick, does it? It grows where it's soft and green and vulnerable. So vulnerability is absolutely essential for growth.

— Dr. Gabor Maté

Time by itself does not heal. Not, not spontaneously, not, um, automatically.

— Dr. Gabor Maté

You survived, but who you are is much greater than that particular experience, and who you are is als much, always much greater than, than your suffering, you know?

— Dr. Gabor Maté

There's a difference between being alone and being lonely. Alone is just a fact, and, that we can embrace and, um, make decisions about.

— Dr. Gabor Maté

Redefining trauma as a woundHealing as wholenessVulnerability and growthChildren's unmet needsIdentification and the egoLoneliness and isolationAcknowledgment, forgiveness, and spirituality

High quality AI-generated summary created from speaker-labeled transcript.

Get more out of YouTube videos.

Read along on your phone, search it beside the video, or ask your favorite AI app what was said.