The Top Communication Advice of the Year: Best of The Jefferson Fisher Podcast

Fisher likens it to a card game where everyone loses, and the person who says the worst thing last usually has to apologize first. Responding in kind also confirms the other person's comment about you.

Asking "Did you mean for that to sound rude?" or "Did you intend to embarrass me?" makes the speaker examine their own words. Often they clarify, backtrack, or apologize, and you look like the bigger person.

Asking someone to say it again denies them the reaction they seek. They often can't repeat it or rephrase it, and if they do, you know what you're dealing with.

Four seconds of silence signals that a rude comment was heard, weighed, and not worth answering, like setting it aside on a counsel table. If someone admits they meant to hurt you, silence is also the best move.

Saying "I need to come back to this" or "Something feels off" lets truth-tellers stay calm, while liars tend to overreact or get defensive. Fisher notes that a big jump in intensity is the indicator, not over-explaining, which can come from personality or neurodivergence.