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The Mel Robbins PodcastThe Mel Robbins Podcast

Do THIS Every Day to Rewire Your Brain From Stress and Anxiety

What you learn today will make you forever calmer and more in control of your emotions. If you’ve ever had a moment where you thought: “Why does one email, one comment…ruin my day?” “Why do I always get overwhelmed by the littlest things?” “Why am I like this?” This conversation gives you the answer. In this episode, Dr. Burke Harris explains why so many of the patterns you hate, like being reactive, shutting down, people-pleasing, not being able to follow through, and feeling dread for no reason, are not your “personality flaws” – and she gives you the truth. Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, MD, is one of the most important voices in trauma science and public health. She’s a pediatrician who conducted pioneering research on Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), the founder of the Center for Youth Wellness, and the former Surgeon General of the State of California. She is here to tell you that your body is running an overactive stress response that got wired in childhood and never got turned off. You will be able to start rewiring your nervous system today, with one powerful 3-word sentence you can say to yourself. It takes less than a few minutes and reverses the feelings that make life harder than it should be. In this episode, you’ll learn: -Why you shut down sometimes, get emotional, “triggered”, or overwhelmed (and why it’s not your fault) -Why you procrastinate even when it feels bad -How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime -Why trauma is (Mel had it wrong for decades) and how childhood trauma is keeping you stuck -How to help your body return to balance after being upset -The 3 essential words that rewire your nervous system -The 7 evidence-based things you can do to regulate your nervous system -How to support someone you love who’s stuck, shut down, or overwhelmed in their life This episode is hopeful, practical, and empowering. You will get a playbook that helps you rewire your nervous system so you feel less stress and more in control of your emotions. When you finally understand what’s happening in your body, you can have a different life. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page: https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-390/ Follow The Mel Robbins Podcast on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themelrobbinspodcast I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. In this episode: 00:00 Intro 1:59 The Impact Of Stress On Your Biology 5:14 What Is Trauma and Its Effects? 7:50 How Childhood Trauma Can Impact Your Life 14:30 The Top 10 Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) That Can Cause Trauma 19:23 What Is Buffering? 29:28 What Baby Rats Teach Us About Overcoming Trauma 33:39 How Does Your Body Remember Trauma? 46:55 Daily Self Regulation Practices for Adults 54:06 Willpower Or Biology: What’s in Control? 1:02:47 Hopeful Signs You are Healing From Trauma 1:04:54 How To Help Someone You Love Who Has Experienced Trauma 1:06:09 How To Heal From Trauma — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com​ — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins​?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic

Mel RobbinshostDr. Nadine Burke Harrisguest
Apr 27, 20261h 10mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

How childhood stress shapes biology—and daily buffering rewires your nervous system

  1. Trauma is defined not as what happened to you but as your body’s biological response to overwhelming stress, which can stay activated long after the danger has passed.
  2. The ACEs research shows a dose-response link between childhood adversity and adult mental and physical health risks, with part of the risk driven directly by chronic stress biology—not just behaviors like smoking or drinking.
  3. “Buffering” (safe, stable relationships plus self-regulation and clinical supports) helps re-regulate the nervous system and can change stress reactivity over time, even when childhood support was missing.
  4. Daily practices like mindfulness, journaling, exercise, sleep, nutrition, time in nature, and healthy relationships serve as evidence-based interventions to downshift fight-or-flight and strengthen parasympathetic “rest-and-digest.”
  5. Healing is framed as creating “corrective experiences” (e.g., asking for help and receiving it), reducing reactivity, shame, and shutdown while improving connection, motivation, and physical symptoms.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Reframe trauma as physiology, not personal weakness.

Burke Harris emphasizes trauma is your body’s response to overwhelming stress; this reduces self-blame and clarifies why “I should be over it” often fails when the stress system remains on alert.

ACEs are common and cumulative, and risk rises with “dose.”

Two-thirds of people report at least one ACE, and 4+ ACEs markedly increase risks for depression and substance dependence as well as chronic diseases, illustrating how cumulative adversity compounds over time.

Half the long-term health risk isn’t behavior—it’s stress biology.

Even after accounting for health-damaging behaviors, significant risk remains due to chronic activation of stress hormones and inflammation, linking adversity to heart disease, autoimmune issues, and more.

Buffering is how you teach the body to return to baseline.

Buffering includes regulated connection (a calm, safe presence) and practices/clinical supports that reduce fight-or-flight activation, helping the nervous system re-learn safety and balance.

Early adversity can “move the fulcrum,” requiring more buffering later.

Using the teeter-totter metaphor, earlier-life stress can bias the system toward reactivity, meaning adults may need intentional, repeated buffering to counterbalance what wasn’t available in childhood.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

“At its core, trauma is the biological response to overwhelming stress.”

— Dr. Nadine Burke Harris

“The younger you are… you may not remember the actual event, but the body remembers.”

— Dr. Nadine Burke Harris

“Buffering is what you intentionally do to bring yourself back into balance.”

— Dr. Nadine Burke Harris

“Adult me comes in… and says, ‘I’m here.’”

— Dr. Nadine Burke Harris

“Infrastructure is love in action.”

— Dr. Nadine Burke Harris

Definition of trauma as a biological stress responseACEs: the 10 categories and prevalence statisticsDose-response health impacts (depression, addiction, heart disease, autoimmune risk)Buffering as stress-response regulationSafe, stable, nurturing relationships and oxytocin effectsEpigenetics and the rat-mother buffering studiesFight/flight/freeze/fawn and prefrontal cortex shutdownCorrective experiences and trauma therapies (EMDR, IFS, TF-CBT)Seven evidence-based buffering interventionsSupporting loved ones through regulated presence and witnessing

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