Skip to content
The Mel Robbins PodcastThe Mel Robbins Podcast

How to Get What You Want Every Time: 3 Steps to Negotiate Anything With Anyone

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. — Right now, there’s something you want. Maybe you need help at home, more support from your partner, or it’s time to set a boundary at work. But you’re avoiding the conversation. Why? Because it feels hard. You don’t want conflict, you don’t want to upset anyone, and you just don’t know how to bring it up. That ends today. The greatest things in life are on the other side of hard conversations. And in this episode, you will learn the 3 simple steps to have any difficult conversation and get exactly what you want. Mel sits down with world renowned negotiation expert Kwame Christian, CEO of the American Negotiation Institute, to break down exactly how to approach the conversations you’ve been avoiding. Whether you want to negotiate a raise, ask your partner to step up, or finally tell your friend what’s bothering you, this episode is your crash course in how to advocate for yourself. Inside this episode, you’ll learn: -Why avoiding hard conversations is damaging your relationships (and your self-respect) -How to handle someone’s emotional reaction without losing your cool -The 3-step “Compassionate Curiosity” framework to navigate ANY conflict -Why it’s more important to be respected than liked (and how to make that shift) -How to negotiate at home, at work, and even with your landlord -How to stand up for yourself without starting a fight If you’ve been staying silent, stewing in resentment, or dreading confrontation, this episode will give you the confidence and skills to speak up and change your life. You deserve respect. This is your roadmap to get it. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page: https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-291/ Follow The Mel Robbins Podcast on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themelrobbinspodcast I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode. In this episode: 00:00 Welcome 05:33 How to Communicate More Confidently 12:04 Stop Putting Everybody Else Above You 33:07 How to Stop Letting Your Emotions Run the Show 49:46 The 3-Step Framework for Any Difficult Conversation 55:28 How to Navigate Tough Conversations 01:10:50 How to Negotiate and Lower Your Rent 01:12:25 The Conversation That Changes Your Paycheck 01:15:23 Why You're Fighting About Laundry (and What to Do Instead) 01:19:46 After This Conversation, Your Life Gets Better — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com​ — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins​?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

Kwame ChristianguestMel Robbinshost
May 22, 20251h 22mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Master Difficult Conversations: Three-Step Framework To Confidently Negotiate Anything

  1. Mel Robbins interviews negotiation expert Kwame Christian about how the best things in life are on the other side of difficult conversations, especially the one you first have with yourself.
  2. Kwame shares his journey from extreme people-pleaser to confident negotiator, emphasizing that confidence and emotional regulation are learnable skills, not fixed traits.
  3. He reframes negotiation as any conversation where someone wants something, and conflict as those conversations with emotional stakes, then introduces his three-step Compassionate Curiosity framework.
  4. Together they apply this framework to real scenarios—roommates, partners, bosses, landlords, and family—to show how to move from people-pleasing and resentment to self-respect, clarity, and better outcomes.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Start with the hardest conversation: the one with yourself.

Before confronting others, you need an “internal negotiation” where you name your emotions, understand why you feel them, and decide what action respects both your feelings and your long-term goals.

Respect yourself more than you need to be liked.

People-pleasing feels safe in the short term but leads to self-disrespect and resentment; standing up for yourself is how you gain both others’ respect and your own.

Use the Compassionate Curiosity framework in every tough conversation.

First acknowledge and validate emotions, then ask open-ended, compassionate questions to understand the other side, and finally move into joint problem‑solving so it’s you and them versus the problem.

When triggered, ‘name it to tame it’ before you speak.

Labeling your emotions (e.g., disrespected, disappointed, anxious) shifts brain activity from the emotional amygdala to the rational frontal lobe, lowering intensity so you can respond instead of react.

Open hard talks with situation–impact–invitation, not blame.

State the naked facts (“This morning at 5:30 your alarm went off”), share your personal impact (“It woke me up and I couldn’t get back to sleep”), and invite collaboration (“Can we talk about how to make this work for both of us?”).

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

The best things in life are on the other side of difficult conversations.

— Kwame Christian

There is a difference between being liked and being respected. If you want personal and professional success, you have to be willing to engage with conflict.

— Kwame Christian (quoting his mentor)

Confidence is a learnable skill. I wasn’t born this way—I built myself this way.

— Kwame Christian

When you live your life like this, you’re saying it’s more important for them to like me than it is for me to like myself.

— Kwame Christian

The thing you don’t say in the beginning is the thing that ends your relationship over time.

— Mel Robbins

Difference between being liked and being respectedInternal negotiation and managing your own emotions (amygdala vs. frontal lobe)The Compassionate Curiosity framework: acknowledge emotions, ask with compassion, joint problem-solvingPeople-pleasing, self-disrespect, and resentment in relationshipsStarting hard conversations: situation–impact–invitation structureNavigating emotionally charged topics (politics, family tensions, domestic labor)Practical negotiation examples: roommates, landlords, salary, promotions, and household responsibilities

High quality AI-generated summary created from speaker-labeled transcript.

Get more out of YouTube videos.

High quality summaries for YouTube videos. Accurate transcripts to search & find moments. Powered by ChatGPT & Claude AI.

Add to Chrome