The Mel Robbins Podcast

How to Have the Best Sex of Your Life: Even if You Are Tired, Single… or Not in the Mood

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. — In this episode, you are going to learn how to have better sex. You have an appointment with a leading sex expert, Dr. Emily Morse. I will be the first to admit that I want to have better sex, but I don’t know how to achieve it. And I’m asking all the uncomfortable questions you want to ask. This conversation is going to make you think differently about this topic and inspire you to prioritize pleasure and connection in bed, no matter your age, #relationship status, or gender. And if you are saying, “This doesn’t apply to me,” or as my friend just said, “I’m in way worse than a drought! At this point, I’m a born-again virgin." No, you’re not. And this episode is for you too, because our expert says improving your solo #sex life is the first step. Dr. Emily claims that everything you have been taught or observed about sex is WRONG. Wait. WHAT??... Dr. Emily is insightful, and this conversation is hilarious and actionable. You will learn: - The 3 unexpected ways you are killing your sex drive - How to get out of your head when you’re in bed - Why meditation and sex might be the combo you need to orgasm - You are NOT alone if you cannot orgasm from penetration. - How to tell time with your vulva (yes, it is a thing) - Masturbation without shame and secrecy - Why skipping foreplay is ruining your chance of having great sex - The 5 ways your self-awareness ignites hot and steamy sex - Let’s stop faking orgasms. Know the four steps to how you can really get there. Grab your mirrors and vibrators, and leave your inhibitions and embarrassment at the door. And according to our expert, it’s amazing foreplay to talk about sex. So why don't you and your partner listen to this together? You’ll thank me later. Xo, Mel In this episode: 00:00 Intro 05:10 Great sex starts here first. 06:07 Can you relate with these sex questions from our listeners? 09:52 The 3 elements that kill our desire to connect. 17:01 Let’s unpack our lady parts. What exactly is a vulva? 20:28 One big reason why we are all being disserviced as young adults. 24:17 I love the empowering name Dr. Emily gives for masturbation. 29:08 There are thousands more nerve endings in a clitoris than once believed! 33:24 Why are women so uncomfortable about asking for what we need? 36:21 The 3 T’s you need to start an awkward conversation with your partner. 43:03 5 Pillars for having great sex. 48:21 A technique to do on your own during sex to make you more present. 50:37 What happens in your body when you orgasm? 56:58 How can vulva owners ask for what they need sexually? 1:02:57 What to do when you’ve not had sex for a long time. 1:08:31 How is your current sex life tied to your childhood needs? 1:15:23 Why can’t I handle the intensity of pleasure? 1:16:53 How to have healthy intimacy when you’ve experienced trauma. 1:24:48 5 steps to having the best sex of your life. — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

Mel RobbinshostDr. Emily Morseguest

Oct 19, 20231h 30mWatch on YouTube ↗

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Redefining Pleasure: Why Great Sex Starts With You, Not Technique

Mel Robbins and Dr. Emily Morse unpack why so many people feel disconnected from their sex lives and how to intentionally create the best sex of your life at any age or relationship status.
They argue that nearly everything we’re taught about sex—spontaneity, penetration-focused scripts, silence, and shame—is wrong, and replace it with a model centered on self-knowledge, communication, and nervous-system regulation.
Key themes include the importance of solo sex, understanding vulva vs. penis arousal patterns, managing stress and trauma (“pleasure thieves”), and using structured conversations and tools like the Yes/No/Maybe list to co-create better sex with partners.
The episode positions sexual pleasure as a core component of overall wellness and personal responsibility, not a bonus or something a partner is supposed to “give” you.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

You are responsible for your own pleasure and orgasms.

Waiting for a partner to magically figure out your body keeps you disempowered; solo sex is how you build an “owner’s manual” for yourself so you can clearly communicate what works.

Stress, shame, and trauma are major blockers of desire and arousal.

You can’t live in chronic cortisol and expect hot sex—regulating your nervous system (therapy, breathwork, lifestyle changes) is foundational to feeling desire again.

Most vulva owners don’t orgasm from penetration alone—and that’s normal.

Only about 20% orgasm from penetration; the clitoral network (roughly 12,000 nerve endings, mostly external) must be stimulated, which means foreplay and external touch aren’t optional extras.

Desire often isn’t spontaneous; you have to intentionally create conditions for it.

Many people, especially vulva owners, have responsive desire—arousal comes after some stimulation and safety, so scheduling sex and choosing optimal times of day can dramatically improve frequency and quality.

Talking about sex is the fastest path to better sex.

Using structures like the three Ts (timing, tone, turf) and the compliment sandwich lowers defensiveness and lets partners discuss needs, frequency, and fantasies without blame or shame.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

We are responsible for our own pleasure and our own orgasms.

— Dr. Emily Morse

Everything we know about sex that we’ve ever learned is pretty much untrue, not accurate, not healthy, and not really how we're supposed to have sex.

— Dr. Emily Morse

You can’t live in a state of spiked cortisol and also live with pleasure.

— Dr. Emily Morse

If you don’t know how to delight in your body, is it fair to say you’ll almost never be able to communicate what you need with a partner?

— Mel Robbins

Communication is lubrication.

— Dr. Emily Morse

Why our cultural and educational scripts about sex are inaccurate and limitingStress, shame, and trauma as the primary “pleasure thieves”Solo sex (masturbation) as the foundation of sexual self-knowledge and confidenceDifferences in spontaneous vs. responsive desire (frying pan vs. slow cooker)Communication frameworks for talking about sex with partners (timing, tone, turf; compliment sandwich)The five pillars of Sexual IQ: embodiment, health, collaboration, self-acceptance, self-knowledgePractical tools: scheduling sex, breathwork, mutual masturbation, and the Yes/No/Maybe list

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